Rhon15

This is my first time here. I am in a double problem. My brother and my husband. Where to start. My brother is living with me, my husband and our 15 year daughter. My brother came to live with us after my mom through him out. He is 36. I took him in trying to help him for a year then last October he was ran over by a truck. He was drunk and fell onto the road. He survied, but is drinking worse than ever. He can barley walk due to his legs. The damage to his body is extensive. Since Jan of this year I have put up with more unbelievable crap with my brother's drinking that I have come to my end. I finally broke down this past weekend and told my mom (who lives in another state) that if she does not come & get her son I was sending on a plane for her to take care of him. I can't live with him but I know he needs help. I had to threaten my mom with her son to do something. He is dying. Drinking Vodka and taking his pain pills all day long. I want to help him but I need to help me and my family now. I have realized I don't have to help him. So this week my mom will be here to put him in a long term treatment center. My brother wants to go but can't do it himself. After a year and 8 months I will be free of him. Now with all this in my life, my husband is an alcoholic also. He has been sober 2 months and drank last week and now today. I am ready to just pack and run away. We talked but I can see it going downhill again. I will not live like that again. The stress, the sadness but most of all I don't want our daughter to deal with it again. He is a good man but just can't deal with stress or issues without turning to the bottle. He was in treatment for 30 days. Just last 2 weeks stopped going to meetings and writting in his journal. He said today he will keep trying. I just don't know. I don't want to deal with this anymore. Life is short and our daughter will be off to college in 3 years. I want to enjoy the rest of my time with her before she begins her life. I am tired, pissed off and need out. I want to help him but he needs to help himself. I love him but I know in my heart I will not live like how I have been. I am afarid and need support.

Cynay

Welcome to SR Rhon, we are glad you found us.

Im sooo sorry you have to go through this and I completely understand wanting to spend the rest of your time with your daughter in peace.... Im there too.

Congradulations on your strength in handling the situation with your brother, I know that had to be hard to do but he will be in a better place and alot safer then drinking and doing pain pills.

Sounds like you are at your wits end with your husband. Maybe you could take a weekend away with your daughter and get some much needed R&R and get to a place that your not sooo in the trenches and stressed out. Its ok to be angry and tired.. Lord knows its wearing. Have you tried Al-anon or theraphy??? Sounds like its time to take the focus on him and put it on taking care of you and your daughter.

You have come to just the right place for support and love, there is not a one of us that has not been right where you are. Keep posting and reading... vent all you like, but most of all know you dont have to deal with it alone anymore!

teke

hi rhon

welcome to sr, i am sorry that you had to be here but i am so glad that you are, i can relate to your story. at one time, i did the same with my ab and my ah, it is good that your mother can get your brother into treatment and i pray that he's ready and it sticks. i lost my ab a few yrs back, alcholism killed him as far as my ah is concerned, i am still praying for him. he's not in the home right now but it took what seem like forever for me to get to the place where you are. you seem to know what you want and what you need to do.
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don't have any advice but i want to support you and let you know that you are not rocking in that boat alone. be encouraged and hold on, help is on the way. i will be praying for you and yours.

minnie

You've got all the support you want here, hon. Welcome. This place has been a life-saver for me and I have made the BEST friends here who have supported me every step of the way.

I hope you have managed to check out the "sticky" posts at the top of the forum and those on the nar-anon board. I would also recommend getting a copy of Codependent No More by Melodie Beattie. Al-anon meetings might also be useful.

But you know, one thing that helped me more than anything was to post on here. Getting the feelings written down and having feedback on them helped enormously. I think you might get that from my post count!!

Looking forward to getting to know you.

Rhon15

I don't know what to say but thank you. Everyone's response has made me cry. Thank you for letting me know I am not alone and do have support.

laurie6781

Hi Rhon, let me extend a belated Welcome to Sr.

As we both live in the same state, how about sending both your brother and your husband to Turquoise Lodge in Albuquerque???

http://www.health.state.nm.us/turquoise/default.htm

They do some pretty good work there, and I have known several people that have gone through their entire program and stuck with the follow-ups and done very well.

Just a thought.

Please keep posting and let us know how YOU are doing. We do care.

Love and (((((to all))))),

Pick-a-name

Rhon15......had to take a minute to welcome you....so glad you are here.

Sounds like you have had quite a time of it; glad that your brother is going to get some help soon.

Stick around! You have already gotten some good advice, and I am sure you'll get more. You are not alone......we all can understand the "stuff" you have been living with. Hope you will post alot.....I have found it VERY helpful and I hope you will,too!

denny57

Welcome, Rhon15

Glad you are here, but so sorry you have to go through this. I hope you are able to get to a place where you can enjoy these last few years with your daughter at home. It must be very difficult to see your husband drinking again. As others above have stated, his recovery has to be his own, but there are steps you can take for yourself and your daughter, one of them coming back here as often as you need to post.

((()))