GettingFree

I was notified yesterday that the insurance company has reached the end of covering my short-term-disability benefits. The reasons are frustrating and I do have the option to appeal. However, I'm not sure I want to. Yes, I have lots of pain, but I don't know if I want that to be the deciding factor.

I am feeling more comfortable with the decision to go freelance. It actually is feeling good and right -- and is the best thing for my back. The option of going into a 9 to 5 office setting right now, even in a positive working environment, would be very hard physically. Being able to attend meetings and client presentations on an as-need basis and do the rest of my work from home will be far better. And I know I will have a certain amount of freelance work from one company already that I've already done some work for.

So...here's my question. I am considering proposing that I transition out of being a full-time employee and offer my services on a freelance basis to my current employer. I don't know if the CEO will go for this or not. He could see it as a good solution -- or not.

I am thinking this may be a good half-way solution to see me through the transition from salaried employee to freelance entrepeneur.

But am I crazy for thinking I could have anything to do with this company that has been so toxic in the past? Is wishful thinking getting the better of me? Fear?

Or could this actually be realistic to think I could handle this and it could be a way to make the 'system' work for me?

thanks all....

whir,whir,whir...the sound of my brain!

gf

p.s. I also posted on F&F -- but not all of you guys visit there and I trust your perspective from an ACOC point of view!

kennethhoff

GF -

I worked F/T for a large computer reseller/outsourcing company from 2001-2004. I had previousley hurt my back, but in 2003, herniated it to the point where I could no longer work. In 2003, I had a back procedure which didn't work, and was out on short-term diability until LTD kicked in. I was never able to go back to work, and had to file for SSDI. Eventually my company let me go.

So, if you are not able to go back to work because your back is just to bad, don't! Your health is and always be more important. You can go out on FMLA, which is a law and you have 3 months to get better, and your company can't fire you and must hold your position for you at the same level and pay as when you left. Check on what the eligibility is with a google search. Alot of companies are Ok with this, others will just fire you when you get back, but they could end up facing a ADA lawsuit.

Otherwise, if you leave on good terms, you should get a decent reference, and like you said, use them for consulting work if you feel it can help you. Yes your company is toxic, but having to pay the bills is important too. What is your financial situation? If your Ok money wise and you can afford it, then leaving and cutting the ties could be good. If not, consulting would be good. It seems like it is more than just a toxic/ACOA question.
There is nothing like a complete fresh start, but are you prepared for it both physically and mentally? I know when I was going through it, I too had alot of stuff going on through my head too.

ken

GettingFree

Hi Ken,

I live in Canada so I don't know what FMLA is. I am realizing that I really haven't investigated all the health/government issues around this. I'm going to make some phone calls tomorrow.

In the meantime -- I do want to work. I hate that my back gives me this grief. I hate that it hurts doing the simplist of things -- like walking up stairs, like bending over, like driving, like sitting for extended periods.

That training I took two weeks ago was wonderful in every way -- except by Sunday night after 3 days I was in really bad pain. It was a sobering glimpse of what it would be like to be back in an office environment each and every day, all day.

Anyway...on the work front, I think I'm at least going to have a talk with the CEO and explore the idea of freelance. I need to guage how I'll feel being back in the environment first, and if he's open to the idea, I can explore it without any firm obligations.

One thing I've learned in my recovery is that I actually do get to change my mind. I do get to say, "Sorry, this isn't working out."

so......here goes... I'll keep you posted.

GingerM

Unfortunately my crystal ball is broken, so I can't tell you which decision would be 'best' for you. I will say that usually I trust my gut. If it's telling me that going freelance is a good thing, then give it a whirl!

What's the worst case scenario? That you'll end up looking for a job? Sounds like you're already looking for a different job than your current one, so worst case ends up being just about where you're sitting right now!

/cheers you on

kennethhoff

GF -

Just as an aside from Alanon stuff, having had bad back pain for 7+ years, I have learned a few things. Physical therapy is your friend. It is one of the best things to do which can help your back if you give it a shot. Not strenous stuff, but basic muscle firming exercises to strengthen the lower back muscles, hamstrings, buttocks, etc.., THEN do the light stretches you'll get taught in physical therapy, that can make such a huge difference. Other than that, meditation, relaxation through mindfulness or music, etc... that helps so much too.
So many docs just want to do surgery or give drugs, but there are alot of things you can do to MANAGE your pain. The biggest mistake I have seen in my experience, is that when someone hurts their back bad, they are never happy unless they are 100% back to normal. But lowering expectations, learning to manage your pain, learning to let go like we are taught in Alanon, learning to believe in a higher power, THAT can make all the difference you need from surviving with pain, to living a decent functional life.

Be well,
Ken

GettingFree

Hi Ginger,
I've already made the decision to go freelance and am comfortable with it. My quandry was whether I pitch my present employer on the idea of a part-time freelance/retainer arrangement -- i.e have them as a client -- or simply walk away cold turkey from the whole toxic mess it was.

I'm going in on Monday to talk to the CEO and explore it. I have decided, no matter what, I will not remain there as a full-time salaried employee. So...here goes.

gf

GettingFree

Thanks Ken. Right now, my physical therapy is Pilates which was actually 'prescribed' by my specialist. Physio wasn't doing much. It's a specialized rehabilitative kind of pilates and is done all done one-on-one in a private 1-hour session. I have those once a week and then do the exercises at home on my own in between.

Yes, it's all about building up the core muscles -- the tranversus and multifidous as well as working on glutes, hams, etc. Also working on neck and shoulders as I originally had problems with a cervical disc before the lumbar kicked in.

Funny -- when I say I do Pilates, people have an idea I should be a picture of fitness. I'm so limited in a lot of my movement, I try and tell them it's Pilates with a walker!

I waffle on this -- part of me says, okay, just accept it, you're an 'invalid'..ie you do have a physical disability that may be around for quite a while, and you should accept it and adapt to it. Part of me says, "No, this is just temporary. I'll be on a canoe trip next summer!"

thanks for the support as always!
gf