In distress, crashed my car
How Important Is It?
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Cyberia
Posts: 612
In distress, crashed my car
My daughter had an alcohol-induced crisis yesterday and I rushed to drive to her town and during all of the stress of the day (hospital, crisis center, police) I backed up my car into the fender of a large parked truck. I crushed my rear tail-light and put an ugly dent into my car. (the truck didn't even have a scratch).
My daughter is back at her apartment and OK for now, as far as I know.
I'm a bit shell shocked today. I thought that I was doing well in my recovery but this accident shows me that I have a lot more work to do. Even though I'm not suffering severe daily anxiety attacks like I was last year, it's clear that I'm not handling these crisis situations very well. (I cracked the other rear tail-light last year during a similar crisis..)
Every day, I live with the knowledge that whether my only child lives or dies is in God's hands. I think the stress of that is getting to me.
God bless
My daughter is back at her apartment and OK for now, as far as I know.
I'm a bit shell shocked today. I thought that I was doing well in my recovery but this accident shows me that I have a lot more work to do. Even though I'm not suffering severe daily anxiety attacks like I was last year, it's clear that I'm not handling these crisis situations very well. (I cracked the other rear tail-light last year during a similar crisis..)
Every day, I live with the knowledge that whether my only child lives or dies is in God's hands. I think the stress of that is getting to me.
God bless
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
Thankfully, those things are inexpensive to repair and your car still runs.
Not to be callous, but I am good at backing into concrete posts etc.
I don't think your recovery is impaired because in the emergency situation you had a very minor fender bender.
My car has some dents....I am going to think of it like having facial wrinkles...proves it's had a life and adventures.
hugs,
live
Not to be callous, but I am good at backing into concrete posts etc.
I don't think your recovery is impaired because in the emergency situation you had a very minor fender bender.
My car has some dents....I am going to think of it like having facial wrinkles...proves it's had a life and adventures.
hugs,
live
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
((robina))
Glad you're ok and didn't get hurt, and hope the car is relatively inexpensive to fix. A few months ago I did the same thing - twice in a week. I had to give myself a real talking to about concentrating, etc. It's always a sign to me that I need to slow down.
It is stressful letting go and turning things over. For today, your daughter seems to be fine. Sending you warm wishes for calmer days.
Glad you're ok and didn't get hurt, and hope the car is relatively inexpensive to fix. A few months ago I did the same thing - twice in a week. I had to give myself a real talking to about concentrating, etc. It's always a sign to me that I need to slow down.
It is stressful letting go and turning things over. For today, your daughter seems to be fine. Sending you warm wishes for calmer days.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 2,333
Glad to hear you are ok as is your daughter.
I can only imagine how hard it is for you as a mother.
I don't know what I would (will) do if that situation ever
happens with my 2 boys......I don't even want to think about it.
Take care Robin.....
I can only imagine how hard it is for you as a mother.
I don't know what I would (will) do if that situation ever
happens with my 2 boys......I don't even want to think about it.
Take care Robin.....
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
Im glad too!
The good news is now you can see what you have to do... focus more on you.
The car can be fixed and for today everything is still ok, I sometimes think about that too... That God holds my daughters life in his hands (especially when I drive with her) and if I focus on that I start the insane thinking... so I just do my darndest not to think about it.
The good news is now you can see what you have to do... focus more on you.
The car can be fixed and for today everything is still ok, I sometimes think about that too... That God holds my daughters life in his hands (especially when I drive with her) and if I focus on that I start the insane thinking... so I just do my darndest not to think about it.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
Posts: 3,410
(((robin))))
Sorry to hear about your bump. Just a blip, I reckon. I know I can get pretty distracted when I have a lot on my plate and forget to pay attention to the here and now.
And don't worry - you're not alone in bumping you car in a moment of madness. My brother rear-ended someone in slow-moving traffic last year because he had his head turned by a pretty woman who was walking down the street. And I know another guy who reversed into someone, went forward and hit a wall, which he got stuck on. He then reversed from the wall and ran over his wife's foot.
Feel better now?
Sorry to hear about your bump. Just a blip, I reckon. I know I can get pretty distracted when I have a lot on my plate and forget to pay attention to the here and now.
And don't worry - you're not alone in bumping you car in a moment of madness. My brother rear-ended someone in slow-moving traffic last year because he had his head turned by a pretty woman who was walking down the street. And I know another guy who reversed into someone, went forward and hit a wall, which he got stuck on. He then reversed from the wall and ran over his wife's foot.
Feel better now?
How Important Is It?
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Cyberia
Posts: 612
A broken tail light is not the end of the world. 
I'm going to have to find a way to de-stress the next time I get one of those phone calls and get behind the wheel of a car.
I'm going to have to find a way to de-stress the next time I get one of those phone calls and get behind the wheel of a car.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Robina you said:
"My daughter had an alcohol-induced crisis yesterday and I rushed to drive to her town "
I have to ask why? She is an adult. Why did you not say.....call 911? Why are you running to the rescue One More Time?
Just curious, since you were doing better on the "enabling." We all have 'slide backs' into enabling behavior. It's what we do about them and if we learn from them which is really important.
Other than the broken taillight, is there any other lesson here?
JMHO
Love and (((((to all))))),
"My daughter had an alcohol-induced crisis yesterday and I rushed to drive to her town "
I have to ask why? She is an adult. Why did you not say.....call 911? Why are you running to the rescue One More Time?
Just curious, since you were doing better on the "enabling." We all have 'slide backs' into enabling behavior. It's what we do about them and if we learn from them which is really important.
Other than the broken taillight, is there any other lesson here?
JMHO
Love and (((((to all))))),
Survivor
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Proud Upstate New Yorker
Posts: 869
Dear Robina,
Glad you are okay!
What is important is assessing the situation carefully before acting on impulse. It is your daughter and your instinct is to jump up and help...but maybe there were better ways of helping.
~Def
Glad you are okay!
What is important is assessing the situation carefully before acting on impulse. It is your daughter and your instinct is to jump up and help...but maybe there were better ways of helping.
~Def
How Important Is It?
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Cyberia
Posts: 612
Originally Posted by laurie6781
I have to ask why? She is an adult. Why did you not say.....call 911? Why are you running to the rescue One More Time?
...because after getting drunk, and being assaulted, and assessed at the hospital (all without calling me), she was traumatized the next morning by a policeman who treated her like a criminal. That was when she phoned me.
Yes, one option is to just tell her..you got drunk, it's your fault, don't bother me with your troubles, and only contact me if you have something positive to say.
By the way, that's one of the things the policeman acused her of - it's your fault you got hurt because you were drunk...
On the other hand, I have friends who call me when they are going through tough times, and tell me their troubles. I listen sympathetically, because it's the human thing to do.
I have set a lot of healthy boundaries with my daughter. God knows she can be extremely manipulative, and she knows what buttons to push to get to me. She is, after all, an alcoholic.
At some point, I may have to set a boundary: "do not phone me when you are hurt, beat up, assaulted, or near death, because I will not be there for you"
But right now, coldly refusing to offer human sympathy and warmth to a broken, sick person is not one of my boundaries. I think it's easy to simply shut the alcoholic out of our lives. It's a lot harder to work your program, process the pain, and get along from one day to the next as healthy as possible.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: uk
Posts: 3,054
But right now, coldly refusing to offer human sympathy and warmth to a broken, sick person is not one of my boundaries.
That said I believe if I cannot be it from the heart, if I can no longer cope with compassion THEN it's better for me to have distance.
I'm glad you're safe, lapses are hard but it doesn't mean that all is lost - I think what happens next is what counts.
How Important Is It?
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Cyberia
Posts: 612
Originally Posted by equus
... lapses are hard but it doesn't mean that all is lost - I think what happens next is what counts.
yes, I agree...especially when it comes to getting behind the wheel when I am upset...
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Lake Luzerne
Posts: 1,786
I think the police tire of this kind of self inflicted rhetoric. I have seen police bring in people into the ER who are cussing and combative. Particulally for recurrent offenders. That doesn't make it right. That treatment doens't effect the one whos drunk nearly as much as it does the family members who are a combination of mortified and freaked out. She is your only child. It is cruel of your daughter not to think about that. Have you ever considered having her comitted against her own will? I know that would be tough. It doesnt' sound like she is capable of being responsible for her own well being. I am so glad you are OK. I'd hate to think that one day you might get hurt in a crisis situation. I'd always call the ambulance, you never know what emergency treatment they could preform on route.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
You know what???
I dont think it conclusive to being an A, Daughters pushing the right buttons and being able to manuplate so well seems to be a given.
My daughter is addicted to nothing (well maybe chocolate) and she can wrap me in a heartbeat if Im not careful!!!!
I dont think it conclusive to being an A, Daughters pushing the right buttons and being able to manuplate so well seems to be a given.
My daughter is addicted to nothing (well maybe chocolate) and she can wrap me in a heartbeat if Im not careful!!!!
How Important Is It?
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Cyberia
Posts: 612
Originally Posted by mallowcup
Have you ever considered having her comitted against her own will? I know that would be tough.
Originally Posted by mallowcup
I think the police tire of this kind of self inflicted rhetoric. I have seen police bring in people into the ER who are cussing and combative. Particulally for recurrent offenders. That doesn't make it right. That treatment doens't effect the one whos drunk nearly as much as it does the family members who are a combination of mortified and freaked out. She is your only child. It is cruel of your daughter not to think about that.
(warning, self pitying rant follows...)
Yesterday I realized that thinking about the death of your only child every day is not a normal thing to do....but it is what I go through every day...
How many mothers live that kind of reality? Probably only mothers of sick and ill kids, and mothers of addicts for the most part... I accept that I need to do something to get rid of the constant thinking that my child will end up dead. Even though it happens to be a possibility, it's just not healthy for me to be thinking that way.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
Noooo its not a healthy way to think, it also clouds today's joy.
Today she is alive and you can pick up the phone and call her.... I cant imagine your struggles though.. if there is one thing that "could" bring me to my knees its something happening to my daughter... So just know I admire your strength in dealing with it all.
Today she is alive and you can pick up the phone and call her.... I cant imagine your struggles though.. if there is one thing that "could" bring me to my knees its something happening to my daughter... So just know I admire your strength in dealing with it all.
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