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Old 06-01-2006, 06:29 PM
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Hi im new here

Hi I'm Adam - ive spent sometime reading through all your posts and i'm inspired by what i read here. To everyone who has posted please know that the time you have spent posting gives people like me at the beginning of recovery real hope.

God it has been such a lonely affliction, it is warming to know now that im not the only one to go through this. The lonlelyness amuses me. Mainly cos im scared that somehow i wont have a social life now i have stopped drinking and that pops up constantly as a reason to continue. Funny cos most of my life seems to be spent on my own whether drin king or not.

I have stopped drinking for 2 days now. The longest i have ever been is 4. It scares the crap out of me because somehow my mind is convincing me that im somehow leaving something behind. Better for me to write here and watch crap tv than go out and drink. Sorry if i am boring you, guess we need to write it down sometimes to know what we would be going back to.

Well what i have caused so far is 10 years of ruin. I am 27. I have had every opportunity it is possible to have in life for mere mortals. I am intellectually gifted, studied at one of the top universitys in the world. Drunk my way thru that. Was embarrassing to see the cleaner ladies clear my room and need 2 bin bags to clean out my empties. I thought nothing of it at the time.

Since leaving Uni i have made more money in 3 years than my mother makes in 10. Yet im near pennyless. I dont own anything - it has all been spent on drink. When rich i have drunk expensive champagne, when broke i have spent my last £10 on cheap cider.

Nothing has mattered except drink. My life revolves around drinking. When not imbibing i spend my time getting money to buy drink and a few minor distractions that i think i enjoy but seem only to be excuses to drink.

I have had 2 years of rock bottoms and am seriously bored. Homeless on the other side of the world having drunk my plane fare money. That should've kicked my ass but no. Waking up in a pool of blood - that didnt stop me - even though to this day i have no idea how it happened. That didnt stop me either.

Those things still happen but now i have a final chance, i have got a job that will utilise my talents as they remain. it is a chance to start again and try and live some sort of life that is not just about self destruction.

Having drunk away my money, family, friends and looks i came close to losing my health - i have gout at 27. Oh when it was in one foot i hobbled around to bars and to the off license like a fool. Then it got into the other foot. I couldn't think, couldn't eat, couldn't live and now can't walk.

I feel better already every hour as i dont drink as i start to trust myself again. Cos thats the most awful thing in my opinion, the lies. The constant lies and BS.

Apologies for my rant, i know youve heard it all before.

Thankyou for your posts, every one of them. Without them this lonely guy would not have found the courage to stop killing myself slowly.

Im enjoying it already.

Adam
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Old 06-01-2006, 06:40 PM
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Welcome Adam and congrats on the two days. I'm on my eighth day and it does get a little easier. I can relate to spending everything you make on drinking. I was spending somewhere around 600 dollars a month just on beer. Just keep up the good work and welcome. It's good to have you here.
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Old 06-01-2006, 06:41 PM
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Hello Adam,

Welcome, I too thought my life was over when I stopped drinking, not that it was wonderful when I was loaded every weekend, but its much better. I have people to go out with to movies, dinner, concerts etc..its hard at the begining but it get easier as time goes by and life get better and fuller.

I went to AA, it helped me to meet other sober people and learn how to live sober.

Congratulations on your 2 days, keep it up, I am rooting for you!

Love, Rose
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Old 06-01-2006, 06:45 PM
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Hello and Welcome to SR!

And thanks for your kind words..we do strive to help each other. You are not alone Adam...and you can find sobriety.

It's particularly heart touching for me to see young members.
The years ahead of you can be utterly awesome!

Have you a plan? Seen a doctor for de toxification?

Here is a link for info on our experiences on quitting..

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-expect.html

Keep in touch with us...Blessings
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Old 06-01-2006, 07:00 PM
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Well, Adam, Welcome!

And, you do sound like you're ready to begin a sober life. And, congratulations on your 2 days. You sound like you have a lot going for you Adam and you can turn your life around and create a secure future for yourself. And, being an active alcoholic is the most lonely place in the world. I had shut myself off from everything too.

There's lots of support and information here, so keep posting.
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Old 06-01-2006, 07:16 PM
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Thanks for your replies guys - it's really touching to know that people are out there listening and who know what one is going thru.

Rose i have been to AA before and am doing so again. Funny cos i made more friends in the few weeks that i atteneded meetings than i have done since drinking got stupid. And i find everything so much more fun when sobre, which ar mostly the times that i spend with my partner - who doesnt know the extent of my problem when im alone.

Carol - i don't have much of a plan really. No detox programme as such except for trying to do it by myself, going to meetings and reading lots on the net. The thread you linked is very useful thanks.

Im up late cos i cant sleep, but the most enjoyable thing for me so far is going to sleep and actually having dreams - i can't wait for tonights!

Adam
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Old 06-01-2006, 07:32 PM
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Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
 
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You do have a plan...and it is what I did too...
I de toxed at home and I returned to AA.

That was over 17 years ago so I really know it can be done!

The best is yet to come for you
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Old 06-02-2006, 05:07 AM
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Hey, Adam,

Glad to see you here! Rose is absolutely correct- life DOES get better! I have been sober for 2 weeks 6 days and it feels GREAT to do things that drinking prevented. Change can be difficult, but it the support and information that Anna writes of is SO helpful.

Be kind to yourself, Adam. I wish you the best-

Kayte
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Old 06-02-2006, 07:03 AM
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Hey Adam,

Sorry to hear about the ghout. But kinda ironic, when you had money and all the opportunities, you couldn't see beyond the bottle. Then you get a really nasty affliction and despite its impact on your life, suddenly see hope!

You will succeed, keep sharing and become part of something bigger than all of us, recovery!

Peace, Levi
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Old 06-02-2006, 09:12 AM
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Go Adam! You are an inspiration! And please don't feel afraid to come back here and report everything that you are feeling and doing. You are not alone and your story made me feel that I am not either. XXXXX
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Old 06-02-2006, 12:36 PM
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[Adam]. Great big hug.

What a beautiful, honest, wide open share! Be proud of yourself for wanting to recover!

AA has lots of older people at meetings, not so many younger. That's because lots of the members sobered up when they were younger and are still around, still active in the program, still living it one day at a time.

But I don't forget. I remember my first meeting. I was 33. I'm 50 now.

Remember, I'm pulling for you. We're all in this together.
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Old 06-02-2006, 01:05 PM
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Hi Adam
I'm new to this myself, on my 6th day this time after I put my partner's family through hell last Friday. This was my 'wake up call' after 15 years, or more. I can relate to what you have said, funnily enough there was a wedding on TV tonight and they were all drinking champagne, I thought 'oh no! I'll never be able to enjoy myself again, never go to a party....!' I made myself say 'what about oh yes, I'll never humiliate myself , hurt others and lose all self respect again.....'!!!!

Mostly I have been positive though, thanks to finally accepting I canNOT control the drink and going to AA. You may be surprised about what you get back - others have moved on to wonderful things why not us?! Will cutting out drinking (and controlling your diet other ways) help with the gout problem? You will definately get some of your looks, self respect, motivation, determination etc etc etc back!

I can't wait to start benefiting from living a better life - finding me again. Started already!

Keep at it and keep sharing.
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Old 06-02-2006, 01:25 PM
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Hi' CarolD/Anna hope yer feelin posative your post are a help.
Good Luck my friend in the near future.Admision of the problem
is half the way to seeing the truth.Which can be scarry.
Fiction is better than the facts.......we convince ourselves of
all sorts of s~~t. the truth is hidden until we uncover it..


Still i Rise
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Old 06-02-2006, 01:28 PM
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Thankyou for all your kind words, it really is such a great hope to come home this evening and find that people have written and listened. This is the time i find the hardest, sort of 9pm.

After almost keeping myself under house arrest for the last few days i went out this evening to hear my boyfriend read a lesson in his college chapel - at Cambridge University - very grand.

I wouldn't normally go to any sort of religous service except for the odd wedding etc (and only then more interested in getting it over with to get the drinking started). But this was different. I was sobre and knew in my heart that i wouldnt go drinking afterwards, not today. And the combination of those things made me take much more notice of the service, the words of the prayers and hymns, and the beautiful building we were inside.

Im not sure i'm going straight off to sign up to the clergy, but i enjoyed it. And enjoyed my journey home in the sunshine past bars and pubs that i have been to many times but had no pull on me at all. Was a strange evening.

Still shaking and sweating like a stuck pig though - but i even stopped noticing that over the evening.

Anyway if you ever visit the UK you must really visit Cambridge - only an hour from London and extremely worthwhile. Lol i sound like the toursit board now.

Hector - congrats on being sobre for such a long time and for still attending the meetings. I guess that makes sense why there are more older members. I think AA is a wonderful thing, but i havent been yet this time. Today when i pretty much first went out it was to do something positive and actually live, and i think thats important. I do have the AA books though that i have read lots, and the posts on this site which are a wonderful inspiration also.

Thankyou for being here.

Adam
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Old 06-02-2006, 01:36 PM
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Hi, good to hear from you today...your day sounds fabulous!
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