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Faulse Sense of Security

Old 05-31-2006, 12:59 PM
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Faulse Sense of Security

Yesterday I posted Day 8 & Feeling Great. Well it's Day 9 and and I'm running out of time (actually paitence). Work and home are VERY demanding and I have almost no tollerence for others shortcommings. Little hyprocritical huh! I'm very agitated today with a short fuse and am feeling that craving big time. Yesterday was so calming and I felt such satisifaction in being clear. Today, I feel anxious.

I'm not giving in, the physical withdrawl was very hard this time. But the mental struggle seems to be on the rise.
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Old 05-31-2006, 01:05 PM
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I can definitely relate - it's like one of those inflatable punching clowns that rock and sway and swing back to hit you in the face! My mind is an expert at the alternate argument, and it seemed it could always come up with a new twist as to why I should indulge. Have a snack to keep your blood sugar up and tell that evil fellow - hey, we can always talk tomorrow but not today, you creep! Just realize that each time you're identifying more of the tricks and triggers so you can guard against them. You know we're all rooting for you!
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Old 05-31-2006, 01:35 PM
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You know genessee, that is when you stop drinking that the real work begins. I had no coping mechanisms when I stopped drinking and I realized I had to learn how to deal with stresses in my life without alcohol. The more I did it, the easier it became. The point is, you're feeling stressed but you can get through it. It's the getting through it, that will make you stronger and more able to do it the next time. So, don't give in!
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Old 05-31-2006, 01:51 PM
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Sharing My Esh With You

Hi, Im Sharon and Im an Alcoholic.

Thanks Genesee for sharing where u r at in ur recovery. As a newcomer with 9 days, there r many "newer newcomers" here going thru the same feelings and emotions as u. And there are also many "old-timers" needing to hear what u have to share to help them stay on the right track. So u r very important here and at ur face to face meetings to all of us.

The newer newcomers are gonna want to know how did u make it to day 9 without "poison" in ur system. That's what Alcohol is to me....POISON.

I learned in early sobriety that in order to hold on to my sobriety and recovery , is that i had to give it away. What ever was so freely suggested and taught to me to stay sober, i have to in turn share it with u and the new comers.

In early recovery i felt the same way u did, except i was going thru all those emotions and feelings in rehab. After alcohol began to stop working for me back in Feb 90 I first had a bad accident that led me in the hospital for 10 days with them removing my spleen or i would have bled to death. 3 months passed and i healed nicely to once again pick up a drink to finally want to end my life and misery. The progression of my disease was very rapid that i didnt know what was going on. It was my family who stepped in and did for me what i couldnt do for myself. They sent me to rehab for 28 days. It was there that i recieved the tools of recovery and to learn how to stay sober one day at a time. For my family and the program of AA I am very grateful to have been sober since Aug. 11, 1990.

When i came home I was out of a controlled inviroment that kept me sober that long. Now it was up to me to make a choice to continue on the path if i still had the desire and willingness in which i did. Sure i was squirrely. I felt exactly how u feel today. But i wanted to stay sober no matter what. To go to any lengths to stay sober.

So upon suggestions, i went to meeting after meeting. To keep going until i got it. I went, listened and absorb the messages of hope. I saw many members before me staying sober for long lengths of time and that is what i wanted. I also saw some that came in for awhile then went back out. But for the Grace Of God There Goes I...if i went back out too.....They went out to experiment to only find out that getting sober screws up ones drinking and that it still doenst work out there.

In my meeting, i heard suggestions on how to stay sober one day at a time....to learn how to take care of ones self by practicing H.A.L.T. ..Hunger, Anger, Loneliness and Tiredness...Also...R.I.D....Restlessness, Irrirtability and Discontent. By checking all these on a daily bases can ease some of the discomforts in sobriety.

Then, I read my Big Book and went to some BB meetings. Steps meetings are also good to help u and guide u thru each one to eventually recieve the Promises spoken in the BB of achieivng Happiness, Joy and Freedom from working those 12 steps. To call my sponsor when i needed her, good or bad. To do my service work of baking for most all my meetings. To be in a place i felt needed, understood, loved and cared for.

Just remember, when u began drinking at what ever age....i was told i stopped growing emotionally. So when i got sober back in 90 i was 30 yrs old, but emotionally i was a teenager. Do u remeber those teen yrs? How awkward we were. : )

Anyway....all those yrs drinking, we put poison in our system. It will take time to come out of the fog and numbness to eventually begin to have good feelings.

Dont rush the steps...take those baby steps now as some one can carry u till u can walk on ur own. Build a firm solid recovery foundation to help u live a more comfortable, happy sober life for yrs to come.

Good luck and keep coming back.
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Old 05-31-2006, 02:17 PM
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Originally Posted by genesee
I'm not giving in, the physical withdrawal was very hard this time. But the mental struggle seems to be on the rise.
Well this here is a good reminder not only for me but for everyone else that whether it is good or bad, whatever the case may be that "This too will pass". Nothing stays the same but we do have to deal with whatever day comes our way. I know that life on life's terms is not always easy, yes that peace that we have some days is so wonderful, and then we have them other days. On them other days we do need to remember that "This too will pass" and also hang on to our A$$.

Also when I have some days like that I have to remember that it isn't as bad as if I were using. Then it would be a hell of a lot worse if I was using. At least being clean lets me be able to deal with it instead of running from it. Prayer and meditation seems to help also, refocusing out minds into another direction. Hope you are doing better.

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Old 05-31-2006, 04:10 PM
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Vic,

As always, thank you for your insight and help. I like the constant reminder that now how bad it gets, "it would be a hell of a lot worse if I were using". That's key. No regrets and no mistakes, well not regarding my recovery anyway.

Pat
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Old 05-31-2006, 04:17 PM
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Sharron, thank you for for your help. I will be paitent. I guess it's not possible to erase years of abuse with a tap of wand. Or, maybe you can take a magic pill to make it all okay...........oh wait, I 've already been down that path and it doesn't work!!!!
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Old 05-31-2006, 04:20 PM
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Anna,

I don't know where yoeu find the time to touch all of us here, but God bless you. You seem to know what to say and PLEASE keep doing so. I will take the challenges of each day and take pride in coming out the other side sober and clear.
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Old 05-31-2006, 04:26 PM
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Wishful,

I think I'm going to go out, get one of those clowns, dress him up, get a Rootbeer float and then start teasing HIM.

I will try to pay attention to the "tricks and triggers" and even write them down. I'm finding the more I write, the better I feel and the more I think, trust, etc.

Thank you!
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Old 05-31-2006, 04:26 PM
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This might help you understand
from my files on PAWS...

http://www.tlctx.com/ar_pages/paw_part1.htm

You can do this... it all takes time.

Please keep in focus...the best is yet to come.
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Old 05-31-2006, 04:26 PM
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Hi

when i frist came off hard drugs it took ages to right its self,
i had flashbacks of sexual abuse, alsorts of sytoms
bear down it passes in time.



Still i Rise.................

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Old 06-01-2006, 07:08 AM
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Arura, I will indeed bear down. Luckly, I don't have past abuse issues to creap up, maybe some other lighter stuff. I WILL keep the course and recall the pain from last week. It seems that I forget how hard that was and tend to blow out of proportion what is going on today. I need to keep a keen perspective.. thank you

Carol, I looked at the site and WOW. I'm right in line with several of those emotions and feelings. Thank you for the link and information. It really helps me understand a bit better on what to expect and some insight how to possibly cope. Pat
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Old 06-01-2006, 07:23 AM
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Genessee,

I can totally relate. I have more time sober, but lately I have been having what I call "alcohol-mares" like nightmares but involving alcohol.

For instane, I awoke this morning feeling quite anxious as a result of these dreams. But, I remind myself "this too shall pass" and I then do some mental exercises to help clear my thoughts and I prepare for the day.

The important thing is I KNOW I SHALL NOT DRINK. My subconsciounsce is dealing with the cravings while I am sleeping. That, IMO, is a good sign. The addict voice is being shut down while I am awake and that is its only out at this point. LIke with my conscious mind, it will soon realize that impacting my dreams has no effect and then it will quiet down just as it did in my conscious thoughts.

Levi
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