1st Pre-marital counselling session
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Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Arizona
Posts: 928
1st Pre-marital counselling session
So L and I had our first official session last night with a licensed marriage and family therapy counselor.
No..we are not engaged..we've been dating almost a year and as the "next step" we both decided that premarital counselling was a good way to talk about some of the issues we may have and get a good idea of our "key problem indicators"
So we took the FOCUS (Facilitating Open Couple Communication, Understanding & Study) test that most churchs and counsellors use..We are not offiliated with a church so instead of discussing with a priest we are going to multiple (tbd) sessions with our therapist.
There are 12 areas that we (and the questionnaire) are looking at. They are:
Life Style Expectations
Friends and Interests
Personality Match
Personal Issues (this is where the addiction issues would be addressed)
Communication
Problem Solving
Religion and Values
Parenting Issues
Extended Family Issues
Sexuality Issues
Financial Issues
Readiness Issues
Last night we only got through most of the life style expecations..There are definately some areas within this that L and I have very differenting expecations..(centers around roles of husband/wife..career etc).
We did really well on the next section for Friends and Interests..although we have a few questions that we did not match and we did not discuss..
I'm not sure at this point where these sessions will take us..I think it is good that we are identifying now our issues and find an effective way to sort through them.
We don't have any substance abuse problems but L's propensity to work alot does concern me..
No..we are not engaged..we've been dating almost a year and as the "next step" we both decided that premarital counselling was a good way to talk about some of the issues we may have and get a good idea of our "key problem indicators"
So we took the FOCUS (Facilitating Open Couple Communication, Understanding & Study) test that most churchs and counsellors use..We are not offiliated with a church so instead of discussing with a priest we are going to multiple (tbd) sessions with our therapist.
There are 12 areas that we (and the questionnaire) are looking at. They are:
Life Style Expectations
Friends and Interests
Personality Match
Personal Issues (this is where the addiction issues would be addressed)
Communication
Problem Solving
Religion and Values
Parenting Issues
Extended Family Issues
Sexuality Issues
Financial Issues
Readiness Issues
Last night we only got through most of the life style expecations..There are definately some areas within this that L and I have very differenting expecations..(centers around roles of husband/wife..career etc).
We did really well on the next section for Friends and Interests..although we have a few questions that we did not match and we did not discuss..
I'm not sure at this point where these sessions will take us..I think it is good that we are identifying now our issues and find an effective way to sort through them.
We don't have any substance abuse problems but L's propensity to work alot does concern me..
One brief hour...
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Anywhere, USA
Posts: 1,412
That's good Minx and good luck with it. I think it is very smart to do this pre-wedding!!! There are plenty of issues that couples rarely even discuss on their own beforehand. This will bring everything up for discussion and thought. Of course, AH and I did NOT do this. In fact, I went to the preacher that wed us for "counseling" all by myself while AH stayed home to drink! DUHHHHHHHH--- hello???? HUMUNGO RED BANNER!! Gawd I can look back at my naivity and blindness and just cringe.
Acting not reacting
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: My happy place
Posts: 1,788
Excellent news Minx!
This is a great great thing.
I can see your concern with workaholic tendencies.
I commend you both for the effort put out to help build on solid footing, if you will.
Congrats
This is a great great thing.
I can see your concern with workaholic tendencies.
I commend you both for the effort put out to help build on solid footing, if you will.
Congrats
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Arizona
Posts: 928
[quote=elizabeth1979]I can see your concern with workaholic tendencies.
[quote]
yeah..he gets obsessed with his work...that it is his perfectionism.
he said last night "it will change when we have kids"...
hmmm...oddly enough that's what my exabf used to say about his drinking and partying..
luckily the therapist is great and she told him that perhaps he needs to become more balanced in his life and that it is an "inside job"...
And this..is why I'm going to premaritial counselling..to truly see if we have what it takes to overcome obstacles..
[quote]
yeah..he gets obsessed with his work...that it is his perfectionism.
he said last night "it will change when we have kids"...
hmmm...oddly enough that's what my exabf used to say about his drinking and partying..
luckily the therapist is great and she told him that perhaps he needs to become more balanced in his life and that it is an "inside job"...
And this..is why I'm going to premaritial counselling..to truly see if we have what it takes to overcome obstacles..
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