ellima01

I haven't heard from my AH since 4pm yesterday (26 hrs ago) as I said in my last post- this is not uncommon for him- he drinks and stays where he is (and I assume keeps drinking) until he runs out of cash- gets the boot- whatever.
I don't know where he is and I am getting concerned. Should I try and call? I tryed about 11 pm last night- but not since, do you think I am codependant if I call- or just a concerned spouse?
elli

daisyj

I used to be frantic wondering where mine was. I'd call and call and call and it was too easy for him to just turn the phone off. He wouldn't answer, and I wouldn't know where he was. He'd stay out for two or three days at a time sometimes- then stumble back and apologize for a few days, then do it all over again. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, I couldn't breathe because I didn't know where he was or what he was doing. Then I gave up. I had tried pleading with him, yelling at him, crying, throwing things, pretending to be apathetic, compromising with him, everything. And nothing worked. He still did it. So I gave up. I started not calling. Locking the door when I went to bed and turning off the phone. He knew if he wasn't in before I went to bed, he was locked out for the night. And I tried to take care of our two children like nothing was wrong. He didn't stop what he was doing- obviously, since I finally kicked him out- but it stabilized my life. So call if you want... eventually you'll not want.

mallowcup

I think the bigger picture is, how many more times are you willing to go through this? You could call,you may even find him. Then what? Trust me, I understand. Is he dead, alive, with another woman? Bars aren't open 24/7. It's unacceptable. You don't worry about someone you aren't expecting. I'm sorry is too little too late. This is no good. He needs to come home to the locks changed.

ICU

Your post brought back many memories for me...bad ones!!!

I used to call when he first started doing his disappearing act. I was truly worried! But, as that became more common place for him, my worry turned to anger, my anger turned to indifference, then, it turned to amazement as I found out I could sleep through the night without being woken by him and his foul mouth.

It's up to you to call or not to call. All I'm saying is I understand the feelings behind it and hope you find your way through it.

You can always post here before you call him!!! Just a thought.

megamysterioso

I would not call either and as Daisy said, there will come a time when YOU do not want to call. There will come a time when YOU do not want to be bothered. When enough is enough for you, you will know it. Why is him disappearing for days at a time or whatever acceptable to you???? How do you think he would react if you left for 26 hours without calling? Is that the type of man you are proud to call your husband? What is it that YOU want or expect to get from your marriage??

Missy

Just imagine this being on the other foot.... OMG I'd be dead along with everyone crossing my path.
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, They need to be accountable for their own actions.
If you do get in touch with him... whatever you say he may use against you some other time.
Enjoy the time alone while you have it... I sure would..
karen

Zoey

ellima, Have you finally heard from him?? It is hard to know what to do, he is a human, he is your husband.
Just a Big Hug for now.

elizabeth1979

Having said that, do what makes you feel better..not what he would want you to do.
What makes YOU feel better.
If it was me, I wouldnt call.
But, thats just me.

pmaslan

Okay it's been awhile...how are you doing today?