prodigal

Let's not venture into laa-laa land with the AH. I told him yesterday, and I have reiterated NUMEROUS times today the following: "I cannot and will not tolerate your drinking any longer," and "If you want to talk to me or have any sort of discussion, you must stop drinking and be sober." I have said that ad nauseum. I say nothing else.

I just returned from the grocery store. He was opening a bottle of wine as I left and his favorite shot glass is in the sink. Any idiot can see he's been drinking. I repeated my two sentences, to which he replied, "I think I'm in pretty good shape right now and I can talk." So I added another sentence: "I will not be a party to your denial. If you want to talk to me or have any sort of discussion, you must stop drinking and be sober."

Hey, I think I'm doing fine, but this guy is, like DUH, absolutely insane regarding his drinking. Fine. But, heck, I have to SURVIVE this weekend! Should I just continue chanting my mantra and come and go as I please?

P.S. - REALLY bummed that I don't know 100 pecent how to hook the jet ski to the pickup. I could be out cruising on the crystal-clear Colorado today!! Sigh.

best

No

Talk gets you nothing. Just come and go as you please and HOLD any boundary you set.

DesertEyes

Are you getting the results you want? Is your life _better_ as a result of having set a boundary and sticking to it? I cannot give you advice because I am just another codie, and ESH is all I have to give. The two questions above are the ones I ask _me_ when I'm trying to figure out if I should continue with my actions. I also call my sponsor, go to a meeting, chat with other members of my meets and get _their_ ESH.

Whatever you choose to do we are here for you

Mike

FormerDoormat

Just basing this on my experience when Richard became sober, but it took many months of no drinking at all for his mind to clear, so even if hubby could refrain from drinking for say, 24 hours, you'd still be talking to someone who's mind and judgment are clouded by alcohol. So, it probably won't yield the desired results.

It was a beautiful day in my neck of the woods. Can you get your hands on the manual for the jet ski? That way you can enjoy the next beautiful day. I'd take any escape from dealing with an alcoholic partner that you can. You won't be thinking about hubby when you're having fun on the jet ski.

CatsTail

Prodigal,

Again it depends on how long you want to live this way.

Are you going to Alanon meetings,if so do you have an Alanon sponsor and people you can talk to.

Ngaire

mallowcup

I'd say sure! Continue to chant your mantra, he may not be hearing it but you are. It seems like a good thing to reinforce in your self. That's what a mantra is, it's for you , not him. It is your conviction, why not saturate yourself with it?

steve11694

The motivation to recover almost always derives from the negative consequences becoming worse than the pleasure (???) of using.

When entering detox/rehab seems easier than continuing to use.


Try not to become upset (hard to do) because alcohol alters the way they process information. They are self deluded, denying any problem, except ofcourse meaningful relationships, yes, the loved ones are considered obstacles and the drinking friends (scammers and con artists) are the allies and advisors.

The more you love them the more it hurts. You really have to let go, not stop loving them, but leave them to their own devices.

I pulled my hair out and turned blue trying to reason with my wife. I explained to her in a loving and kind way, that she had multiple major indicators of alcoholism and with an arrogant grandiose aire she replied; " You are an ER doctor and not an addiction specialist so you don't know what you are talking about.

teke

hi prodagal

i pray that your mantra's are somehow helping you to be able to hold your boudaries cause i am sure i tried that before more than once. it took me telling me over and over before i could actually follow through. as far as my ah is concern, it went in one ear and out the other. he finally did have to move out and he still is not paying what i say any attention. addiction is a very strong force and i pray that you have better luck with yours than i had with mine. it worked better for me to just do and not say.

pmaslan

Just wanted to say I understand and I am listening......
Hugs....

megamysterioso

(((Prodigal))) I think you should come and go as you please without saying another word about it to him. You've stated your position to him more than once and I'm sure it did "register" in his brain at least one of those times. He's not ready to listen to it and he's surely not ready to adhere to it by all of his actions lately. I wouldn't bother wasting my breath anymore. What if he NEVER adheres to this boundary-- let's say within the year??? How will that make you feel- not being able to talk to your husband and have that connection that married couples should have????

mfisher

Well since I am still trying to get rid of the blue out of my face from chanting the same message, it really is a waste of time, unless in some way it makes you feel better.
Eventually I would hear "I need to drink to be able to talk to you and tell you how I really feel" or "If you would quit nagging me about the same thing over and over I wouldn't need to drink" AHHHHHHHHHH
Anyway I learned to tow and launch a 21 ft long boat and if you have any trouble at the docks, there are really HOT guys willing to help. I know thats bad, but it doesn't hurt to look.