Thaxton

I just wanted to thank my wife for having me Marchmen Acted (Florida) because of my alcoholism. She didn't realize that it would incur a 60 to 90 day stay. I WILL never trust her ever again! I will now have to live 2 lives. 1 for my wife's knowledge. The other for mine. I can never trust her with any information ever again. This makes me very sad. I hate her. I WILL hate her until the day I die. I do know that I need treatment and that the Act is there to help facilitate others in their pursuit of treatment. She betrayed me. I will never forgive her. I also want to thank EVERYONE that believes that they know what is best for me. I am not breaking a law being a drunk. I like to be drunk. The law states that if I choose to reject treatment and I am capable of making those decisions then "so be it". But when you get to court it is a different case. I think that when I get to the inpatient treatment (which I know that I need and want) that I am going to be an ******* because someone else is going to be in charge of "what is best for me". I am so glad that they are so well versed in that respect.

F-Off
Thaxton

Live

So file for a divorce.
Why are you here?

prodigal

Well, Thax, maybe she feels she cannot trust you either. Lots of anger here. Don't know your entire story. Perhaps your drinking was used to mask lots of anger at people other than your wife too. What can I say, recovery is tough and being locked up really stinks. Sometimes it works out for the best. Perhaps you have posted on the A.A. board. I'm sure there is someone there who will relate to what you're saying and offer some support.

Minx1969

Thaxton -

you aren't going to get a lot of support by telling people to "f-off" ..

you are more then likely to get banded.

But you are a good reminder to everyone in F&F of the insanity of alcholics and their thinking..

so thanks for that.

prodigal

Yikes!! You can NEVER forgive her? Hey, who are you - God or some diety? God forgives people over and over and over. Judge not, lest you be judged in the same manner. Hey, it's your choice. So don't ever forgive her. You can drag her around with you the rest of your life rather than get over it and move on.

The one lesson we all learn that is the hardest to swallow is to get OVER IT. Until that happens, the person remains rapped around us like a choking, poisonous vine. I have a very deep-seated anger at my husband. He messed with me and used me big time. Regardless, I have to GET OVER IT. Unless, and until I do, I'm stuck with him and his garbage. I'll be hauling it around like a dirty sack I'm carrying for eternity until I really let it go.

Thanks, Minx, this message is indeed an important wake-up call for all of us. Whew!!

ilovebdj

Thaxton, I know you are hurting right now. The Marchman Act is not a catch all, it is there to protect people. If you truly were Marchmanned, it couldn't have been done unless an authority figure thought you would do harm to yourself or others. You have to think here, who might be clearer in this department.....you might not have the answer if you are actively drinking.

The Marchman Act is not a way to push people along into treatment. You could be totally wasted every day and not get Marchmanned....you get MM if you are considered to be dangerous. On that note, once one does get MM'd, treatment is usually a by-product of this.

Yes it stinks and yes it is a "betrayal." of sorts. But if you KNOW you need this help as you say, maybe this is a good thing? You can't change the past, what's done is done, but this could be a silver lining for you. If you hate this woman, it's an easy answer...divorce her. If you are going to hate her forever and never talk to her again and never forgive her for this betrayal, then let her go. You will be doing her a favor. But again think about the things that have led up to this moment and wonder what it's like in her shoes too.

It sounds like you are really angry. I say post wherever the heck you want. But like the others say, you could probably find more support and "I've been there" on the AA forum. I wish you loads of luck. Please try to keep your chin up at this difficult time. xoxo

reader

I feel that we can't force people to get sober, you have to want it. Yes u are mad but she wanted the best for u. She tried to help u. Do u want to get sober now that u have some tools or are u going right back to the drinking. U seem to want or at least u say u need inpatient treatment. Why not let go and let God. They don't want to be in charge of the treatment but they are professionals. I would use this time to grow and let go of all the built up anger. Look at the 60-90 days as a type of vaction. No work, no household maintance, they make ur meals all u have to do is focus on u and your recovery. Try to let go of the anger towards your wife she meant well! Prayers come ur way for a successful recovery! Take care, Kerry

Magichappens

What do you want? You have a mental illness that hurts you and your family. She was trying to do what she could. Many ill people don't want help. Believe me, if you continue down the road of alcoholism, people will stop trying to help. If that is what you want, you need to stop getting in relationships with people who might care about you. Magic

mallowcup

You betrayed her first. Sinc ethe initiation of this act (which I am not familiar with) I would wager that not a single person has been happy to beocme a part of it. If there wasn't a probelm, the act wouldn't apply to you. You will never trust you and Obviously, your wife couldnt' trust you. I'm sorry it came to this and I hope you will change your mind in time.

CatsTail

Thaxton,

Good luck in your life. Why don't you go and post on the A.A board instead of here.

Don't forget you've betrayed your wife in your alcoholism. I';m sure she hasn't done this for nothing but being a typical A you only can see yourself.

Ngaire

Grasshopper

Thaxton,as one alcoholic,to another,my friend,you and you alone put yourself into this position.And others responded,to your very own actions/words.as best that they could,to "try" to help you.You dont like to be controlled,by others,and yet alcohol has been controlling you.
You say that you know that you need treatment,and yet what actions have you taken for yourself to get that needed treatment?
Forgiveness will set you free.Make the best of what you understand right now,in the fog as a bad situation.Many alcoholics,Thaxton have come to recovery,by some kind of forse if you will.Either because of other threateneing,things,like losing a job,if one does not seek help,my family,threatening to leave,or by our own sufferings,inside that drives/forces an alcoholic to recovery rooms.Great time here for you to focus on yourself,and what it takes to get on the road to recovery.For like you have said,i do know that i need treatment.Make the best of this time,
My prayers for your recovery,and your families healing.
You can change your life.Its up to---you---

ASpouse

My recovering AH used to say the same thing ..... ad nauseum! Thank God, I turned my back on him eventually and he sought out the help he needed.

His sobriety saved his life and our marriage. Why not give it a try Thax .... you have nothing more to lose now do you?

wraybear

sorry to hear of your addiction.

You feel your wife betrayed you? Have you ever thought that you betrayed her by putting your alcohol first, instead of your family. You admit to liking to be drunk. Hmmmmm, is there a problem with honesty hear? the hangovers, the lost relationships, wasted money, etc.

Doesn't sound like you are a "fun" drunk either. My AH was a fun drunk for 20 years... then he became a sick drunk. Sick all the time, lost all of his friends, lost his family, and eventually almost lost in life in a terrible car accident. But, I bet you know how to drive when you are drunk.

I hope you will, sometime very very soon, look at this as a blessing and eventually thank her for having the courage to try to save you from yourself.

minnie

Oh dear. I hope something good comes out of this and you get access to the treatment you say you need.

Just out of interest, what information did you trust your wife with? That you had a drink problem? I would hazard a guess that if your problem was serious enough to involve a Court, then I say that she probably worked out on her own that something was amiss.

Was there a reason why you posted this on the Friends and Family Board instead of the Alcoholism or Newcomers ones?

Good luck. I hope you can see that this as an opportunity. And if not, that you set your wife free so that she is not subjected to your drinking, resentment and hatred.

equus

I don't think any of us have any idea what's going on here.

Thanxton, by the sound of what you're posting I've only got one suggestion, make use of whatever help you get and don't have 100% trust in what your mind is telling you.

A little reminder - at one point D thought I'd made up stories of him beating me to his mother, at another he thought I'd run off with a guy in Portugal, or been murdered/kidnapped. The human mind can switch from belief in what is seen and real to belief in what is being produced by the mind.

Am I right in thinking 'Marchman Acted' is similar to 'sectioned' in the UK? Forced treatment for mental health?

Go easy....

marmee

Thaxton---you sound so angry. I hope you'll embrace your treatment and have an open mind. Be thankful that someone loves you enough to see you want to get better. Instead of being in treatment you could be in the gutter drowning in booze...alone.

Pick-a-name

Hey,Thaxton........are you really my AH, or correctly exAH? (He just signed papers that I didn't, ending our 27yrs of marriage over this same issue. We had an family intervention and then I got a variation of that "speech" for lack of a better word to call it) and he filed for divorce. He told our kids he wasn't an alcoholic but any problems they have surrounding his behavior,etc because of drinking was somehow "my fault" because "I make him drink" because________. Whatever. He walked out on us and is still drinking so you can see how much I "make him drink". For whatever "reason", it is his choice. I just spoke the truth like the others and I guess he was threatened by it, or something.) A baby playing with a loaded gun doesn't realize the danger he and others are in (and will fuss and kick when he has to stop playing with it) but that does not make the situation any less serious and dangerous. That is how it feels to watch a loved one with an addiction.

I know where your wife is coming from and it is a difficult position to be in. She knew she risked your rejection but she must love you a lot to be willing to do this. I could go on and on....but I won't. You are a lucky man if you are forced into help because it just might save your life.

Please give yourself a gift and please try to be open to hearing what you will hear. You are going to be there...hear what they say, take their suggestions..just for a few weeks. There will always be people who tell you "what to do"..........do you drive a car? have a job? pay taxes?etc........then you have to follow certain rules or there are consequences. Same here.

I have given up talking to this illness. I wish you well and I am sorry you will "never forgive" your wife because she apparently has a great deal of love for you and you can not even see that,either.

"There is none so blind than he who can not see." Probably that applies to me,here,too. It takes what is takes.

Best of luck to you whatever happens. I am glad you are here and sorry if I sound bitter or frustrated because that is something I am really trying to drop. Alcoholism is no one's "fault"...it just causes so much destruction to the lives of so many people and that is tragic. It just gets overwhelming for me sometimes, and that is why I am here.

Keep us posted how things go. I am sure you are overwhelmed and afraid...I would be,too. I think that is only natural. I have a sister that was forced into treatment (job) and she was so angry she refused to co-operate while she was there or just said what she knew people wanted to hear to get off her back. She didn't like people telling her what to do either (who does?!). She came home, knew that "those people" were the cause of any problems she had and she just drank because of them,etc. Fast-forward...she relapsed and this time (for a change) she was unable to keep it "secret"..her neighbor found her in the yard acting very odd (she was administrative assistant to the president for an international company for the 25 yrs just a few months before). Now....she had to do something and she had no job. She lives alone. The screws tightened. She went through outpatient rehab. and although she is still (understanably) wrestling with being "an alcoholic" she did tell me she talked to my AH and told him to really be open to this because she has learned a way to deal with all the "stuff" that made her feel like drinking was a viable solution. The change in her attitude, and EVERYTHING about her is remarkable..even to people that do not have a clue about any of the specifics.

Please don't deny yourself. I am sure you "deserve" it. Obviously your wife feels that way..........she could have walked away from you and given up on you at any time.

God made you this way for a reason.........I don't know why or what He has in mind, but He does. Hugs to you.

pmaslan

No comment......

aasharon90

Hi, Im Sharon and Im an alcoholic.

Thanks Thaxton for sharing.

You are not alone here.

I too went thru the same simliar situation.

I use to go to a local club to drink, have fun, listen to music and hang around people that drank like i did.

I left my little family at home so i could escape. Here i had a husband of 7 yrs at the time and 2 small children. Id get everyone settled and then off i went till the club closed sometimes.

I loved to drink to. I did have many hangovers and vowed not to drink ever again. But as soon as that wore off i was right back drinking again. Soooo i was definily POWERLESS over alcohol.

Years past and my behavior was uncontrolable or UNMANAGEABLE.

Aug. 90 i was on my way home for the club less than a mile away from my home when my front wheels hit a 2 ft notch cut out in the road causeing me to run off the road hitting a concrete culvert sitting on top the groud. I sustain numerous contusions, broken ribs which one had punctured my spleen. I therefore spent 10 day with them removing my spleen are else i would have bled to death.

3 months i healed nicely taking pain pills. As soon as i had the urge to drink, i picked it up and was right back at the club again. This time....the disease had rapidly grown and now i was OUT OF CONTROL. The monster inside of me, or furocious tiger roared and reared his ugly head. Fangs and claws both ready to attack anything and everyone who dared to cross my path.

I came home drunk, had a bad arguement and upon a dare decided to end my miserable life and pain i had cause my family. So with a hand full of pain pills downed with a glass of wine, off to bed i went hoping not to wake up again.

The next day, a faint phone ring woke me up after a failed attempt to wake me up by my kids on their last day of vacation bible school and after throwing up what i had in my system a family intervention took place. Because my family couldnt get me to go to the hospital on my own to get my stomach pumped they called the hopspital first, then got a court order to have me picked up my the police and driven to the crazy ward. I guess my family was scared about me hurting myself that they did the only thing they knew what to do at the time. YIKES..!

At that moment i had no idea or nor comprehension of what was going down. All i know was the police were escorting me to the back seat of a handless police car. While being led away, i passed my husband and father-in-law standing in a line at the back door. I was soooo full of anger that i looked at both of them in their eyes with daggers and said, "I HATE U BOTH." then left.

I sat there in the back of the police car with a fence dividing me and the police, like a criminal. Little ol me. How could they do this to me. How dare them. I was very anger. I hate my family and the world.

That afternoon i entered a treatment center with the first stop in the crazy ward. I was scared as i looked around seeing people that were in a hopeless state. I knew i wasnt like them. NO WAY. So i was given test in which i passed with flying colors. So my next step was to enter rehab for possible alcoholism. Sure enough after a day or 2 i knew i was in the right place.

See, today, i know my family did for me what i couldnt do for myself back then. As much as i hated them, resented them, they knew i was hurting myself and others around me. I needed help and i thank God they took action to find help for me.

So, i was suppose to stay in treatment for 2 weeks before them wanting to ship me out to a halfway house. I was scared and didnt want to be separated from my family any longer than i had to. so they worked out a deal where i could stay there in treatment for 28 days followed by a 6 week outpatiant program.

And because i had the DESIRE AND WILLINGNESS to go to any lengths to stay sober i recieved the tools of recovery , the 12 steps, suggestions, all freely given to me to help me stay sober like so many before me one day at a time.

Today....15 yrs later, I am TRUELY grateful for my family doing for me what i could do for myself back then.

There is hope and help available even for those who have hit rock bottom in their lives.

Thanks for letting me share.

Zoey

Thaxton, You have received some excellent careing replys here.
This disease is one of the few where we can become "Weller than well" if we do not have heart problems or cancer etc.

Alcohol can cause high blood pressure, alcoholic arthritis, fears, anxiety, anger, etc.etc.
The things it fixed or helped in the beginning, later it turns on us and causes the things it fixed in the beginning.

As with pills, in time we need more to do the job. With some pills like alcohol they quit working, but changes our outlook on life. Been There, Done That. I was addicted to both.

To me there is nothing greater than AA meetings. Most recovering alcoholics are wonderful people, sharpe, witty, loving and kind, many with many talents.
My very best to you, I am excited about the chance you have to find the road to sobriety. hugs