Codependence is a learned and acquired pattern of behavior with its roots in the development of the affected person. Because a lost sense of self lies at the heart of the condition, a codependent is focused on others and has distorted personal boundaries; the problems with personal boundaries and the constant external focus lead to difficulties in relationships. This condition is primary, chronic, and progressive. It can be treated; however, if it is not, it is ultimately as destructive to the life of the person as cancer is to the human body.



The roots of codependency lie in some childhood trauma. Generally it is inflicted by one or both of the child's parents through abuse, neglect, effects of a parent's addiction, or by projection of the parent's own codependency onto the child. The wound produces feelings of pain and grief in the child. However, the dysfunctional family structure fails to acknowledge the pain and to support the child in grief. In order to function within the family, the child suppresses the grief. As the process repeats, the child gradually loses awareness of his "true self," his natural feelings, his own perceptions, his native reactions to the situation and a codependent self develops in the place of this lost "true self."