ANGELSPIRIT53

HELLO! I AM NEW HERE AND HAVE JUST MOVED HERE TO OREGON
I HAVE JUST LEFT A 7 YEAR RELATIONSHIP. ABOUT 4 MONTHS AGO. I HAVE TRIED SO LONG TO TRY TO FIX HIM RATHER THAN FIX MYSELF. I NOW HAVE CLOSE TO 4 MONTHS SOBER, ON FEBRUARY 6,2006 THANK GOD FOR MY SON WHO HAS OVER A YEAR IN RECOVERY. I HAD ALMOST 2 YEARS BUT RELAPSED AS MY BOYFRIEND AND I BOTH HAD CONTINUED TO DRINK WHERE I FINALLY HAD ASKED HIM AS LONG AS HE DRANK THEN I WOULD HAVE TO MOVE ON AND TO BETTER MYSELF AS THE RELATIONSHIP BECAME MORE AND MORE ABUSIVE AND I COULD NO LONGER LIVE THAT WAY ANYMORE IT WAS ME THAT BROUGHT MY SON INTO RECOVERY AND NOW HE IS HELPING ME IN MY RECOVERY. I AM IN OUTPATIENT CLASSES ALONG WITH THERAPY AND AA AND AM LOOKING FOR A PERMANENT SPONSOR ONCE I GET SITUATED AND GET A PLACE OF MY OWN. MY THERAPY HAS HELPED GREATLY WHICH HAS HELPED ME TO LOOK AT ME RATHER THAN TRYING TO LOOK AT HIS PROBLEMS. EVEN THOUGH HE STILL CONTINUES TO BLAME ME FOR HIS DRINKING AND USING, AS HE STILL CONTINUES TO DRINK BUT I NOW KNOW THAT I HAD TO LEAVE TO KEEP MY SOBRIETY. AS THAT IS MY #1 PRIORITY, I SOMETIMES FEEL I SHOULD TRY TO HELP HIM BUT I HAVE DONE THIS BEFORE SEVERAL TIMES LEAVING AND GOING BACK BUT IT IS STILL THE SAME RESULT. WHEN HE DRINKS THEN I BECOME WEAK AND DRINK AS WELL, SO I REMOVED MYSELF FROM THE SITUATION, AS I HAD ASKED HIM DURING THE LAST 4 YEARS OF OUR RELATIONSHIP FOR US TO GO TO COUPLE COUNSELING AS WELL AS OUR OWN RECOVERY MEETINGS AND GETTING A SPONSOR. BUT HE WOULDNT ADMIT THAT HE HAD ANY PROBLEM . I HAVE ADMITED MY WRONGS AND HAVE MADE AMMENDS TO THOSE THAT I HAVE HURT. BUT TODAY I DO NOT FEEL THE SHAME THE GUILT AS I HAD BEFORE AND I AM STILL WORKING ON THEM, I HAD TO MAKE CLOSURE WITH HIM BUT THAT WAS THE HARDEST THING TO DO BUT I HAD TO MAKE THAT CHOICE IF I WAS TO STAY SOBER. I TRIED TO HELP HIM WHEN I LEFT AND I HAD TRIED TO BE HIS FRIEND BUT IT WAS TOO COMPLICATED FOR US BOTH , AS THE PAST OF OUR RELATIONSHIP THERE WAS TOO MUCH BLAMING AND HIM GOING TO HIS SISTER FOR EVERYTHING THEN CAUSING HER TO SEND ME HATE MAILS WHERE I HAD TO CHANGE MY PHONE NUMBER AND EMAILS AS WELL, SO MY DECISION I HAD TO MAKE AND DID I WANT TO LIVE? OR DIE? MY CHOICE WAS TO LIVE AND TO HAVE A GOOD LIFE CLEAN AND SOBER. AS RIGHT BEFORE THAT I HAD LEFT HIM I HAD BEEN HOSPITALIZED WITH A SEVERE BLEEDING ULCER WHICH WAS INDUCED BY STRESS IN OUR RELATIONSHIP. THE DRS SAY I AM DOING GREAT AND MY HEALTH IS SO MUCH BETTER. AS WHEN I WAS IN THE HOSPITAL THEY WERE GOING TO HAVE TO GIVE ME A IV OF IRON AS I WAS ANEMIC AS WELL AS LOSING 1/3 BLOOD IN MY BODY, WHAT STRESS AND DEPRESSION CAN DO TO ONE'S BODY, SO IT WAS MY BODY TELLING ME TO CHANGE THE LIVING SITUATION. SO I AM FREE FROM THE STRESS THAT WAS IN MY LIFE AND SO I WILL NOT DRINK NO MATTER WHAT I AM NOW LIVING WITH FAMILY AND LOOKING FOR A HOUSE TO RENT THANK GOD FOR MY GOLDEN RETRIEVER AS SHE HAS HELPED ME SO MUCH WHICH HAS GREATLY REDUCED MY DEPRESSION. MY LIFE IS GOOD NOW AND I KEEP IN TOUCH WITH AA AND WITH GROUPS AND THERAPY . I VISIT OFTEN TO THE ONLINE GROUPS WHICH HAS STRENGTHENED ME BY LISTENING AND READING OTHERS EXPERIENCE STRENGTH AND HOPE. I MEDITATE AND RELAXATION EXCERCISES FOR MY ANXIETY AND PANIC DISORDERS. I KNOW IT WILL GET BETTER OVER TIME AS MY COUNSELOR ALWAYS WOULD TELL ME THIS TOO SHALL PASS! SO I KEEP MYSELF BUSY WITH MY ONLINE STUDIES IN MEDICAL TRANSCRIPTION WHICH I AM DOING WONDERFULLY, I AM NOT AS NERVOUS AND DEPRESSED AS BEFORE. I HAVE MINIMIZED MY MEDICATIONS OF ANTIDEPRESSANTS, I AM AROUND PEOPLE WHO CARE AND LOVE ME AND I KNOW I CAN MAKE IT AS IT IS JUST ONE DAY AT A TIME. I WILL NOT DRINK NO MATTER WHAT!! THANK GOD FOR THE FELLOWSHIP OF AA. AND FOR THIS I AM TRUELY GRATEFUL. " WE MAKE A LIVING BY WHAT WE GET, BUT WE MAKE A LIFE BY WHAT WE GIVE." WINSTON CHURCHILL

rose petals

hey karen
glad you are here--i live in old oregon too--central oregon area--so glad your back on the sobriety highway--
Laura

Hope

You are doing the right things and are on the right track. You made the best decision when you put your sobriety first even when that meant having to let him go. It is said that anything we put before our sobriety we will lose and that is so true. Nothing is ever worth drinking for and alcoholism is very progressive and things get worse, never better.

I'm glad that you found us here at SR! Stick around and keep posting!

Cheryl

leviathon

Hi AngelS, welcome to SR. Read your post and it is good to see where you started and how you have arrived at today. Welcome.

Quick tip if I may, when you use capitals/block letters in electronic writing it is considered to be "shouting", doubt you meant it that way.

Levi

2dayzmuse

Welcome and congratulations on your sober time. Sobriety is a gift.

CarolD

Good for you!..
Welcome to SR!


Blessings to you and your family..

wingsfree

Oh I loved reading that part.

Hi Karen a warm welcome to SoberRecovery, happy you've found us.....wishing you all the best in your journey to sobriety....yippppeee to SOBRIETY. It sorta wants to make you dance seeing that word don't it?

GeorgiaPeach

Welcome to SR and I am so glad to hear that you are thinking about yourself and moved on from a bad situation. Keep up the good work and keep coming back and sharing and helping! Good for you!

GP

daddysgirl29

Hi Angelspirit! Welcome to SR and congrats on your 4 months of sobriety!! That's great!! It's so good to hear you say that you're putting yourself first. You're well on your way to a better life if you keep true to yourself. All of us have either struggled w/ alcohol or drugs, or have had someone in our lives who has, so we're with you!

Hang around. SR is a great neighborhood!

-DG