Jazzman

OK, so I read something a little while ago here that struck a note w/ me. Can't remember what thread I saw it in so I can't give credit for the quote but...

"Keeping one foot in the past and one in the future means you miss out on the gift of the present." - unknown

I'm been thinking a lot lately trying to sort out my feelings here and I can honestly say I have neither one foot in the past or one foot in the future. My problem is I have no feet in the present either!

I am missing out on the gift of the present. I need to fix this. Starting up meetings with my therapist again.

pmaslan

Just curious then Jazz...where are you feet?
Is that a limbo status both feet off the ground?

Jazzman

Either off the ground or doing a tap dance... hope to get that sorted out..

I have #2 son Mon. Wed. Friday nights and all day Saturday. On my days/nights off I do very little partly becasue of this friggen 24x7 tech support job of mine. Sick of painting but now I'm painting my Sisters house!!! ARGHHH! I need another hobby or something. #1 son is coming home from school this weekend so things WILL pick up here...

reader

Hi Jazzman, thanks for the reminder to focus on the future. I tend to dwell on the past somtimes too. It isn't always easy to let go of things. That is something I will work on. Pumba said put your past in you behind! LOL , now I am quoting cartoons.

pmaslan

I know the feeling of a 24/7 job. I am on call too, it sucks.
Painting is rewarding but enough is enough I feel your frustration!
Hopefully #1 son will help to shake things up a bit....
What would you like to do if you had the free time?

megamysterioso

Jazz- at least you realize you have no feet! LOL. Now you can start consciously working on shifting your focus. It is so easy to get stuck in a rut- especially with the work schedule, etc. Carpe Diem (seize the day) is one of my favorite mantras, but sometimes I just don't have the energy!!! LOL. What would you like to do? Do you still play music?

DesertEyes

The way it works for me is that I tend to look at my past, how happy, joyous and free it was, and become sad that I no longer have that life. When I a focus on that sadness it fills the emptiness of my present.

I tend to look at my future, and since I have no crystal ball my mind fills in the blanks of the future with the sadness I feel over losing the happiness of my past. That makes my future one of imagined sadness, and fills my present with despair.

When I take the time to fill my day with thoughts of others who's life is more difficult than mine I have no room for yesterday's sadness. When I fill my day with actions that are healthy, positive and growthful for me and those I can reach then my day, today, is also healthy, positive and growthful.

When I do that just for today, one day at a time, my past becomes as healthy as my present, and the blanks of my future become filled with the success of my present.

I find this very difficult to do. Five heart attacks and a handful of lesser "cardiac events" brings a certain cynicism to the odds of a tomorrow. In order to overcome that attitude I practice the principles of my recovery program.

I attended a meeting yesterday where another codie shared his grief, and how he had prayed to his HP to take his life in exchange for saving that of his "A". I shared how I had done the same in the depths of my grief over my "A". Together we brought a little kindness and understanding to each other, yesterday.

Today I have some of that shared kindness and understanding with me, which fills my present. Today is occupied with challenges, a job to find, bills to pay, doctors to see, health to maintain. Those impact my activities, but do not touch my soul. Today I will also contact folks to help me visit a friend who is having heart surgery tomorrow, reach out to a couple who is in the midst of a divorce, mail a small gift to an elderly relative, reach out to another who is overcoming the pain of a brutal childhood, and spend a few minutes in quiet serenity just for me.

That is how I keep my "feet in today", as a result of practicing the principles of my recovery program.

I am not there to enjoy your paint-work, or appreciate you support on the tech line. But I am there in thought and prayer as I admire your love and sacrifices for your family. I hope you can find a life that is happy, joyous and free as you so richly deserve.

Mike

ICU

Is that like 'just going through the motions' of daily life? Just existing vs. truly living????? I'm not sure I'm clear on what you mean.

LaTeeDa

Two things came to my mind when I read this.

1) I sometimes find myself plodding along and forgetting to "smell the roses," so to speak. It's not that I'm obsessing over the past or the future, I just need to remind myself to enjoy the little things that are ever-present in life.

2) Sometimes I get restless and try to push my recovery. I mean, I have the first two A's, awareness and acceptance, but what is the action? I feel like I should be doing something, but what? I beat myself up for not taking any action, but I have no idea what action to take.

Both of these can go on at once for me. When that happens, I try to tell myself that the next right thing for me to do will present itself to me if I just pay attention. And that means focusing on what is good and right in my life at the moment.

It's definitely not easy, but when I can manage to do it, it helps.

L

Jazzman

Mike if I were gay I'd cook you one hell of a seductive dinner....

Yep ICU... feel like I'm just existing....

Free time Patty?!?!? I'm thinking I'm going to sign up for a scuba class. yep... The kind w/ one of those open water certification dive trips to the bahamas or something like that.

pmaslan

Scuba??? Your feet will never be on the ground that way!!!!!
Sounds like fun, I hope you do it....

DesertEyes

* lmfao * I'll take a free dinner anytime, don't care if the cook is gay or straight or some other variation.

Mike
p.s. I live in LasVegas, we have a _lot_ of variations

minnie

I heard it expressed slightly differently:

If we have one foot in the past and one in the future, then we're pi$$ing all over today.

Jazz, put the roof down, get some tunes on and enjoy a bit of present-moment driving. (make sure Milo's strapped in, though!)

I can relate to what you're saying. My weeks are going by so fast at the moment and I don't seem to be able to get fully "in the moment". I haven't worked out yet whether I'm stretching myself too thin, subconsciously staying in the past or what. All I do know is that I need to do something different. So, looks like we both need a dose of spontaneity. You up for that next month?

Gosh, that sounds like a proposition!! Oops.

Jazzman

I'm quite the observant type.. I always look up at the sky and notice things like the moon, stars, planets.. The doves and robins that nest every year in my back yard... Even during some of the most down moods I notice these things... always been like that, don't know why. I guess I'm just "deep". LOL!!
My experience was more like awareness and acceptance were the same step, action took some time due to many complicating factors. But I feel like I missed a step... one that isn't described in the 1st three. I'll let you know when I figure it out! LOL!!! Not really sure how to respond to that.... I'll let you know when I figure it out! LOL!!! Milo is having difficulty w/ the no roof concept.... LOL!!! He rides when I take the Camry. I drove to Baltimore and back yesterday w/ the top down & the tunes crankin! What a blast! Should have bought this car a long time ago! Hmmm... Interesting. My weeks are normal paced. I think that's the problem... normal, steady, reliable, dependably predictable, routine... ya know all the non-spontaneous type adjectives.... I'm so friggen bored!!! Hell ya! Just what I need!! Wanna take a scuba course? Anyone?? Everyone??

Thanks guys!

DesertEyes

Heck yes! You want excitement? I'm your man for that. Lessee... 5 heart attacks, serious asthma and a scuba tank, now that's real adventure. Dya know how to do CPR under water? Think I'm afraid of sharks when my life expectancy is officially in the red? If you hold one by the tail I'll take a picture of the look of shock in it's eyes *lmao*

On a serious note, yeah, maybe you are just bored. Mabye you do need a little more variety. Maybe those scuba lessons are a better idea than you think. Me? I'm looking at Harley's and red-heads, and maybe a couple weeks in Yellowstone.

Mike

Jazzman

Have you seen that movie Into the Blue? All those underwater scenes, crystal clear water w/ 150 ft. visibility? That's me. I ripped that one because it reminds me of snorkeling in Bora Bora. But then again, all those scenes of Jessica Alba might not be good for your heart.... nevermind.

DesertEyes

Yup, I can see you there. Go for it.

uh-huh. sure.

You ripped it because of _which_ scenes now?

* lmao * Don't worry about Jessie, she's waaaaaaaaay too young for this old fart. Give me a real woman with brains, like Candice Bergen and my worn out pump will be squeeking and stuttering in no time

Mike
p.s. Maybe it's time to take this scuba discussion to the mens room *lol*

cwohio

awww - please don't take it to the men's room - i was hoping for a little tittlilation to my predictable life! LOL

i think going back to talk to someone is a great idea jazz - as for the scuba lessons next month - well.....hmmm....glub, glub..have to think on that one!

jimhere

There is One who has all power. That One is God may you find him now.

Won't find it yesterday. Won't find it tomorrow. Can only experience it right here and right now.

DesertEyes

Wanna go scuba diving with us? Jazz can teach us how to do it after he takes the lessons. He said he wants a little adventure, let's fire up the codie bus and take a whole mess of codies out on the water, that should stir up all kinds of advenure

Mike
p.s. Jazz, you got something going here, thanx for inviting us all to come along