the_undertow

i work out 3x a week. i run 4 miles a day. i will not eat fast food, because it's a killer.

i drink a 12 pack a day, smoke a pack of cigarettes a day, and treat the next days anxiety with medication that can damage my liver.

i minored in Logic.

where is the logic in what i do?

if i know that my panic attacks only occur after drinking, and know that alcohol and tobacco are killing my insides, yet refrain from Taco Bell because i fear the fat and sodium content. where has my sense of logic gone?

i guess im asking for help, but don't really know how. i'm in orange county, CA, and would be really appreciative if there was someone with whom i could speak.

CarolD

Welcome to SR!...

It's great to see a new member looking for answers.

There is no logic to addiction.

We do understand and you are not alone.

Alcoholism is a disease and it is progressive.
I suggest you get more factual info

My favorite book on alcoholism is
"Under The Influence"
and it has a sequel..."Beyond The Influence"

Both can be ordered from Amazon...

BSPGirl

Welcome to SR, the_undertow! If there's no logic in what you do, stopping your behaviors would be an easy thing...

aloneagainor

Good to meet you, comrade in dissociative thinking. Addiction plays wicked games with the mind, body, and spirit in very deceptive, dis-integrated ways. Putting all areas of health, happiness, stability, and integrity at risk of collapse. By our own doing. Makes no sense. Drives us insane. Literally.

Very much like you I take great care to live responsibily, grow and eat organically, physically care for my body through exercise daily, it's important! Externally all anyone sees is that socially and personally responsible side. Yet, even through it all, I maintained a daily smoking (pot) habit and the whole range of psychotropic drugs, naturally occuring or chemically synthesized, either way. Disingenuous. I retreat into hiding so no-one knows, nor could interfere, while I try to make SENSE of it all.

This past week I read about personality types, and learned I'm among the Rationals. Perhaps you are too?
--Rationals are rigorously logical and fiercely independent in their thinking--are indeed skeptical of all ideas, even their own--and they believe they can overcome any obstacle with their will power.--
Your sense of logic still remains strong, it's now leading you in the right direction. To know to ask for help, be open to consider alternatives to your present ways of thinking/ acting/ being, so to begin to enact positive change. Once you start honestly really looking at what you're doing and are WILLING to do what it takes to move beyond active addiction, you will begin to see the reason behind your use and why and what you have to change. It's not going to happen in the isolation of your thinking brain. You'll drive yourself around in looping circles trying to logic it out in there, and that will keep you stuck. Take advantage of the MANY readings across this site, to begin. There are countless paths mentioned across these boards to consider to help you in these mindset changes you're making. It's ALL for the better in your life to quit smoking and drinking...but you already KNOW that. It's good to meet you here...hope you'll stick around and keep writing.
Be healthy and mindful and well...