SBrat1180

The last time I was on here I had been having dreams about relapsing. Well then I did I made it 72 days and screwed up. I left probation that night and drove around for hours contemplating it. I called my best friend looking for advice hoping that she would say no don't do it. She did at first but then she started giving in. I got high that night then again a few days later & again a few days later. A couple weeks later I went on a 2 day binge in which my mom had no clue of where I was. I told my mom I relapsed. She took away my atm card. I've gotten high a few times since then. I got tested at probation the other day...I know it's gonna come back dirty. I have no idea what to do. I want to call my p/o and tell her. But then again I'm scared. This isn't me. I started talking to a real friend recently who is trying to help me thru this. He's making me see that I can overcome this and that staying home & being lonely is better than spending time with all my addict friends. But my whole thing is I have surrounded myself with these people for 3 1/2 years and it's just so hard to walk away from them. But here's to starting over. I just don't know what I'm going to do when I see my probation officer in 2 weeks.

nogard

Hi welcome to SR You will find lots of info and get loads of support here. It is probably a good idea to talk to your PO before the tests come back and just be straight.

Have you thought about going to an NA meeting, its better than sitting home alone and better than being in your old environment.

Keep posting here.

Kevin

aasharon90

Hi Im Sharon and Im an Alcoholic.

First of all when i got sober it was suggested to me that i would need to change people, places and things that would remind me of drinking and alcohol.

People....those so called friends of mine i thought i had...were people i met at
at the club. You know...those people r probably still there....and where am I today? Yrs sober.

Those friends were not my real friends. They were drinking buddys...possibly alcoholics like i, but thru family intervention i was saved from almost dieing. I did try to kill myself because i had hit my bottom. the lowest of all lows in my life. I had no where else to turn. Didnt know who else to turn to.

It was then that my family did for me what i couldnt do for myself.

Do i miss my drinking buddies? NA. I have a whole network of new friends here in AA. People that understand me for whom i am. We r all here with a common purpose. And that to stay sober and clean one day at a time sharing our own experiences, strengths and hope with each other.

I love u guys. You r my family till death due us part. For richer or poor and in sickness and heath. What a wonderful fellowship and relationship to have with a bunch of people i may never meet. : )


SBrat if u have a friend who is helping u now....that is wonderful....hold on tight to them. Call them when u get weak. Allow urself time to get the poison out of ur system....it will get better as time goes on.....just remember, it took yrs to get to where u r now and it will take a while to heal....but u NEVER have to do this alone.....Have more than one person to call if u can get them. U dont have to be lonely....when u surround urself with people who understand u then u are not alone.

Begin now taking some of those suggestion seriously and working on ur recovery for URSELF and then when u go see ur parole officer they will see that u have the desire to go to any lengths to stay clean and sober. This will be a plus for u and ur situation.

Continue to read post here in SR as well as sharing ur own thoughts with us....asking for what u need. Help, support, guidance, and care.

Hang in there.

Thanks for letting me share.

lulu70

Just wanted to add my welcome. Sorry if I am a bit late. You can start over any time you want to. And as Vic said, you are best off talking to your PO before your tests come back. As far as sitting home alone, my AA meetings have helped me meet new sober people and keep me pretty busy. So does hanging out at SR!!

Glad you found us.

earlybird

First of all,...those people arent your friends. They dont care about you. The REAL you. How could they? They dont know the real you. Those people may very well believe whole heartedly that they care about you. So if they say they do, the may be very sincere. But they dont. They care about what you represent. Addiction. You are like them. Misery loves company. Trust me. After some good clean time, they wont want your company. You will drift apart anyways. Nothing in common. You MUST get rid of using friends. I know its hard. But whats more important? YOUR VERY LIFE,....or the feelings of some still using addicts?

leviathon

I'd call your po and tell him/her. If they have to wait for the results and they will come back positive, it'll go better if you've fessed up... shows responsibility on your part.