Beachbabe

I get soooo tired of my back hurting constantly... after about a week of it being unrelentless I start getting PISSED. Before my cycle its always like this so this too shall pass but I cant even go about life... I spend so much time on a heating pad I feel like an old, unattractive woman. I wonder if my husband sees me that way.

I just wanted to vent... hoping to get some relief from that. I'll be ok, its just been relentless for the longest time since being clean. I made the conscious decision to be clean and live in pain. I made my bed... now I have to lie in it because being an addict and not being in pain isnt an option.

It doesnt make me want to relapse, it just makes me realize how much pain I was masking for 10 yrs.

Hope ya'll are having a good week.

Phinneas

Sorry for your pain, BB, but it sounds like you've got a good attitude. Keep up the good work.

Hope

I'm so sorry that you are hurting so much.

Sugah

We've talked about pain before, Beachbabe. I thought about recovery only in terms of mental and spiritual clarity. I didn't think that the physical issues I had would get any better with recovery. I couldn't walk, I had a progressive neurological disease, umpteen other pain issues, so...shouldn't I just be grateful for being clean and accept the rest? My doctor in rehab suggested that they could help me with some physical therapy, and honestly, in the beginning, I did it just to please the doctor. It was hard work! It was painful! I was already in pain, and my "stuff" wasn't going to go away, but I did it anyway. Ugh. Then, my patience gave out & I tried to walk long before my legs could carry me. I fell and crushed my lower leg, resulting in four hours of reconstructive surgery. Now I HAD to have physical therapy.

Bottom line is this: six months later, I parked my wheel chair. I walked. I was forty pounds overweight when I started, I slimmed down, the years fell away, and though I still, on occassion, smell like Ben-Gay, I was mistaken for an incoming freshman at a dinner in honor of my son's (and others) acceptance to a very prestigious ivy league school last night. Wow! What a stroke to that ever expanding and contracting ego of mine!

I'm not a doctor, Beachbabe. I don't know the extent of your back problems. I do know that the stronger my spiritual condition, the more pain I can tolerate. I know that my pain isn't what it used to be because I sought the help of doctors who were willing to put away their prescription pad or only suggest non-narcotic drug therapies, and I learned to work with my body, through exercise, meditation, creative visualization, and other relaxation techniques. I learned it's okay to pamper myself with fancy bath oils and candles and music that make me feel good. And, I also learned not to feel guilty when I need to grab my book and my heating pad & rest in bed once in awhile.

All that being said, I empathize with you. My pain, too, has been more than I really want to accept lately. I'm looking at myself, saying, "Sug, you're not quite 38 years old. Your joints are shot. Your energy level sucks today. Everything is too hard. Why don't you give it up?" And then I remember the reason I don't. Just for today, Beachbabe, we can get through the tough stuff together.

I'll keep you in my prayers.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

leviathon

Work through it babe, life isn't worth a hill of beans if you are too numbed out to experience it.

Levi