escape artist

this is a question for those who are recovering from alcoholic relationships and moving on.....

will you or won't you accept a date with someone who drinks?

is there a qualifier? or do you just say no to anyone who drinks alcohol?

would appreciate any input. thanks.

robina

My answer is ... NO!


I would not willingly or knowingly enter into that co-dependent state of hell, if I knew up-front that the guy had a problem with alcohol. Better to get out quick, before feelings develop.

Once you start to love him, and you get into the "but he's such a great guy and I'll fix him" mode, you're lost.

cwohio

don't really know at this point - not even close to thinking about dating. it's a toughy!

denny57

I would like to think my alcohol antenna are so far up that I'd be able to tell if the drinking was a problem. I would not rule out a date with someone who was a social drinker. I'm not dating, though. Yet. :-)

Minx1969

I went through this last year when I started dating my now bf L.

my bf L does not have a drinking problem..

we have one or two drinks with dinner and that was it..

I've never seen him drunk.

I was hyper aware of his drinking..turns out it's not a problem.

if it was a red flag I would have run like heck..

Lvrofbutrflys

I think this is a personal decission. I feel that if the person is a problem drinker stay clear! If they can take it or leave it... I don't have a problem with it.

Pick-a-name

I have thought about this........an a million other things I never had to consider, the last time I dated..30 yrs ago. I am not even close to thinking about it.

I've not only been burned; I feel deep-fried!

megamysterioso

If I were to ever join the dating scene again (it will not be for a loooonnnnnggg time), I would not mind dating a social drinker. I too think like Denny in that I believe I could spot the "problem" ones from a mile away now. In a perfect world, I don't want to date anyone that I feel is "lacking" in any category. I will no longer delude myself in thinking that I can be Ms. Fixit. I don't want or need that role. The guy needs to bring something positive to the table himself or I won't be interested.

Cynay

I would date a social drinker yep... but it really does not matter much. Its not that the person drinks or not, its if they/I have a problem with there drinking. I would hope I would see a red flag if there was an issue... but you know what... its a crystalball issue. They could be a social drinker or really not like it at all and BOOM! 10 years down the road be in the throws of the disease... Im working on not projecting.

Mr. R does not drink at all... I however love my wine and he does not seem to have an issue with it.

DesertEyes

ooooh I love this line! Can I steal it??

I don't care what they drink or not drink or eat or not eat. I care about how they act. They could not have ever taken a drink in their whole life but if they are irresponsible and abusive I'm outta there.

I have no clue how to date, but I'm going to give it a try. Am not going to date 100 people either, that would make me nuts. Am not going to hide in a cave the rest of my life, I'm going to get out there and enjoy my new life. I already tried one date, didn't work out, but it was fun trying.

Putting on plenty of zinc-oxide recovery cream on my deep-fried sunburn, and taking extra band-aids to put on my heart cuz I know it's gonna get broken a few times.

Mike

minnie

I am a social drinker, so it would be a tad hypocritical of me to judge someone by that yardstick. It was never the drinking that was the issue for me anyway - it was the irresponsibility, manipulation, lies and good old fashioned off-the-wall dysfunction that got my goat.

I an very lucky to have developed a highly tuned BS radar and am not afraid to act on it.

pmaslan

I have to echo Minnie 100%.

rivercitybelle

When I dated between my exAH and my nonA current H, I was hyper sensitive to drinking. I really don't mind drinking once in a while but never to excess... been there, done that, outgrew it. A nice glass of wine with a special meal ... that great! 3 bottles are not.
I think it depends on what type of hell we left. I looked for actions, not words.... and for me, it worked. There really was a kiss at the end of the rainbow!

Jazzman

oops... wrong thread!

I would think your radar would be pretty dependable by now. If it's a red flag you'll know.

Pick-a-name

Mike..it's all yours....but sorry you can relate! Sounds like you are ready for the plunge.....best of luck!

elizabeth1979

I wouldnt say no to anyone who socially drinks.

Social drinking is very over used and alot of people who SAY they are social drinkers, do not ACT like social drinkers.
Not what they say, what they do with regards to alcohol consumption is my measuring stick!

mallowcup

Interesting that no one feels like me. My first reaction was that I have no intention of dating. My kids are grown and gone and I have a good job. It is exillerating for me to think of sleeping when I want, eating when I want, gardening, doing my hobbies and having my friends over when ever I want, for as long as I want. No time in life has ever been mine. I was the oldest of five kids, so I had a hand in raising them. I have had great loves. I've put off so many things. I don't think I'd enjoy dating anyone.