Dazed/Confused

What does it take to quit? There must be a mechanism that clicks at a different point for each of us. I just don’t know if that mechanism can be activated just by a desire to quit.

I'm sick of waking up and feeling like crap. I'm sick of my wife always having to drive home when we've been out. I'm sick of worrying about my health. I'm sick of waiting for the day to end so I can get home and relax through drink. I'm sick.

Despite all of the above, I haven't quit. Lost a grandfather and uncle to the disease and still seem to hold onto a belief that since I don't pass out or get physically ill that I can keep this under control. My biggest fear is that rather than being able to take charge now, that I won't have the ability to take alternative steps until I've sunken even further, hence the mechanism question.

This day is typical in that here is my how my though process works. I won't drink tonight since I hit it hard all week. One night after so many consecutive nights won't be that much of a problem (this is true). I have a meeting with my therapist later this afternoon. So I'm thinking that with my therapist meeting and not drinking tonight, what a great time to start going to AA. Synchronicity and world alignment allow for a break out day. Oops, forgot I’m going on vacation in two weeks to the east coast. Timeshare, dinners, golf...guess I'll have to wait until I get back to start this sobriety thing (worlds drift back out of alignment). It's always something, isn't it?

Phinneas

For me, this mechanism was "surrender." I just couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't imagine life with drinking and drugging, and I couldn't imagine life without it.

Your story is sadly familiar. We've all been there, I think. And, no, there is never a "good" time to quit - except for TODAY. We do this deal one day at a time.

Welcome to SR Dazed/Confused. Glad you found us.

Anna

Well, "It's always something" but only if you let it be that way. When I stopped drinking it was just before a week long vacation. And, it worked for me because the desire was there. If you are at a point where you think drinking on a two week vacation is more important than sobriety, then it seems like maybe you aren't ready at this point. You need to want sobriety MORE than anything else. It's hard and for me I had want it a lot.

ndgrace

I have a vacation planned for june, with very little time sober, so I have found the meetings close to our vacation spot. I am really afraid not to go to a meeting in an enviroment which would normally be a drinking time. I agree with Anna, you have to really want it. I had a couple years sober before and did not want it this bad the first time. Now I call my sponsor daily, and follow the suggestions! In one short month my family is amazed! You can do it.

Dazed/Confused

Well, I know the old adage "One day at a time", so I'm not drinking tonight and will worry about tomorrow when it arrives. I'm going to try putting vacation out of my mind and dealing with it when it arrives. Mostly I hope to use this site and share with others here. I've been to AA before, but while the people are great I actually feel like I can control my drinking after attending a few meetings. I know that sounds nuts, but after I hear these horrific stories told by others regarding how their lives and health were ruined, I start to think that I've never had those types of issues so I must be close to having it under control.

Chy

I don't know how the hell it happened, what occured to make it happened well sorta... I was sick of being sick, and I can say after 20+ years, I was done. The switch was flipped. When you have the courage, strength and faith it is okay to live sober, you'll get there to.

laurie6781

I know when it happened for me. I was sitting on the grassy area at the back of the Hollywood Bowl parking lot, right by where my "alkie car" was parked, and with every swig of booze I took it felt like it was coming out of every pore of my body as fast as I put it in. It was at that point I knew, if I kept drinking I was going to die, and if I tried to stop, I was going to die.

I put the cap on the bottle, threw the bottle into the back seat of my car and just said "Please help me." At that point in my life I didn't think there was a HP. I did not drink again. However, somehow the next morning I drove myself to a hospital I knew of but did not know where it was, walked into the emergency room, and at the admissions desk told them I was an alcoholic, I hadn't had a drink since 4:30 the previous afternoon and something was TERRIBLY WRONG.

I didn't know it then, found it out later, much later from the admittance gal, but I was yellow/green. She immediately hit the emergency button and told me to have a seat right across rom her. I never made it, I went into seizures on the floor in front of the admissions desk. I later found out, at that point my BAC was .38 and my body was desparately craving more alcohol.

I seizured all day, and my heart kept stopping and they kept getting me restarted. With the last stoppage, on my medical chart the doctor was writing T.O.D. 16:2_ and he never wrote the last digit as my heart that time started on its own after almost 30 minutes. So you see, I took it to the MAX.

I don't wish that ending on my WORST ENEMY (I don't believe I have any today). When I got to my first meeting of AA one of the first things I heard was:

"There are 3 UPs for an alcoholic:

Locked UP
Covered UP (dead and buried)
or
Sobered UP

and the choice is yours."

Well I had already been locked up a few times, and I figured I was almost covered up, I knew I had died, so all I had left was to sober up.

I pray you find your bottom, long before I found mine.

Love and (((((to all))))),

laurie l

P.S You may not have had a "lot of the issues you hear about in meetings" YET. Keep drinking and you will.

God Bless You All As You Trudge The Road
Of Happy Destiny (especially when you trudgin
thru alligators up to your butt)

El Gato

You'll quit when you've had enough misery, most likely.

CarolD

Congratulations for seeking answers to your drinking.

Alcoholism is a disease and it is progressive.

I suggest you get more factual info

My favorite book on alcoholism is
"Under The Influence"
and it has a sequel..."Beyond The Influence"

Both can be ordered from Amazon...

Glad to see a new member...we do understand and you are not alone.

Blessings...

REZ

"I've been to AA before, but while the people are great I actually feel like I can control my drinking after attending a few meetings. I know that sounds nuts..."

Yes, it is nuts. The feeling of having it under control is an illusion that comes from not feeling so crappy for a while. You forget the bad times and think you can handle it.

Anna

Well Dazed, it's a personal decision of course. Do you feel like you want to change your life? I needed to change my life and I finally accepted that. I hope you keep reading and learning about yourself. SR is a great source of information and inspiration.