Angry
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: novato, ca
Posts: 181
Angry
This is so not like me but I've been walking around the last couple of days feeling pi$$ed off. I know, I know, nobody else can make me feel angry but I'm losing sleep and having other anxiety related symptoms that I can't ignore and besides that I'm just plain out of patience. AH was attending meetings, had reduced his drinking and best of all was making an effort to be nicer to me for a couple of months. A couple of weeks ago the drinking started excellerating again. Oh well, at least his behavior towards me was still better than it had been... but I knew if he kept drinking that wouldn't last. So, Friday night, drunk again and looking for a fight... He kept making more and more (unsuccessful) obnoxious attempts at getting me to engage in battle with him. Next day, as usual, he acts as if nothing's wrong. I'm not exactly ignoring him now, I'll answer direct questions but I'm not exactly talking to him either. In reality, I don't want to see him, hear him or smell him right now. Clearly, it's time for me to take the boys on another "vacation". Because we homeschool this is usually an option for us. Unfortunately our schedule is very full the next couple of weeks so I guess I'll just have to suck it up 'till then and who knows, maybe he'll get himself back on track in the meantime.
Here's a question. How is it some of you manage to kick the A out? I'd love to tell him to leave and not come back 'till he's showing more successful attempts at recovery, 'cause I'm quickly tiring of being supportive of his token attempts. He'd just laugh if I asked him to go. I'm sure if I changed the locks on the doors while he was at work he'd just break in. In truth, I'm not to that point yet but I am wondering about my options. I don't have family to go to and I can only take my children places on "vactions." The last time I took the children on a "vacation" we were gone three weeks and it was the first time I started thinking about a future without AH and that's when he decided to start trying to get sober. Up 'till then I'd always just assumed he was always going to be an alcoholic and things would stay the same (I was just starting to understand the progressive nature of it). His getting sober had never been a topic of conversation before. We've been together 14 years.
Now, I know things can't go on this way forever. Either things will get better or they will get worse. If things get worse, eventually it will reach the point where he can't make things any worse for us if we leave and the pain of leaving will be less than the pain of staying. He's not only a lawyer but a well respected trial attorney who owns a fairly large firm. He's capable of being extremely volitile but usually expressess it very controlled and caculated ways. Of course, he's also capable of be my knight in shining armour.
The four of us go to Maui for the Summer every year. AH doesn't drink much there and things between us are much better so we have that to look forward to. AH seems uncontrollably compelled to drink substantial amounts of vodka after work and doesn't usually drink much at all on vacations or at all on the weekends. He says his goal is to be completely sober a year from now but then he says the idea of never drinking again terrifies him. This Winter we have a ski rental leased and will only see AH on wekends so there's that to look forward to as well. So the year shouldn't be too difficult for us to get through. Right?
Don't worry, I won't allow myself to wallow in this funk much longer. Tommorrow is another day and the boys and I have a busy week planned. A karate tournament to prepare for, a visit to a paleontology museum, a visit to a science museum, a robotics class, and a day at a Celtic Faire.
Here's a question. How is it some of you manage to kick the A out? I'd love to tell him to leave and not come back 'till he's showing more successful attempts at recovery, 'cause I'm quickly tiring of being supportive of his token attempts. He'd just laugh if I asked him to go. I'm sure if I changed the locks on the doors while he was at work he'd just break in. In truth, I'm not to that point yet but I am wondering about my options. I don't have family to go to and I can only take my children places on "vactions." The last time I took the children on a "vacation" we were gone three weeks and it was the first time I started thinking about a future without AH and that's when he decided to start trying to get sober. Up 'till then I'd always just assumed he was always going to be an alcoholic and things would stay the same (I was just starting to understand the progressive nature of it). His getting sober had never been a topic of conversation before. We've been together 14 years.
Now, I know things can't go on this way forever. Either things will get better or they will get worse. If things get worse, eventually it will reach the point where he can't make things any worse for us if we leave and the pain of leaving will be less than the pain of staying. He's not only a lawyer but a well respected trial attorney who owns a fairly large firm. He's capable of being extremely volitile but usually expressess it very controlled and caculated ways. Of course, he's also capable of be my knight in shining armour.
The four of us go to Maui for the Summer every year. AH doesn't drink much there and things between us are much better so we have that to look forward to. AH seems uncontrollably compelled to drink substantial amounts of vodka after work and doesn't usually drink much at all on vacations or at all on the weekends. He says his goal is to be completely sober a year from now but then he says the idea of never drinking again terrifies him. This Winter we have a ski rental leased and will only see AH on wekends so there's that to look forward to as well. So the year shouldn't be too difficult for us to get through. Right?
Don't worry, I won't allow myself to wallow in this funk much longer. Tommorrow is another day and the boys and I have a busy week planned. A karate tournament to prepare for, a visit to a paleontology museum, a visit to a science museum, a robotics class, and a day at a Celtic Faire.
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
How to do it...
Get to the point you have no choice and do it. The point for you may be different then for me.
Boundaries set and held to will keep your space in peace, rather then in pieces.
Telling him to leave does not need be the only option available to you.
Leaving the room when he starts. Asking him to leave the room when he starts.
Not returning a comment of ill will when he starts with such himself.
Boundaries and options are available in all shapes and sizes. Al Anon meetings would give you some great support and learning tools that can be used daily.
You have options, it is a matter of using what is available as you learn them.
There can be peace.
Get to the point you have no choice and do it. The point for you may be different then for me.
Boundaries set and held to will keep your space in peace, rather then in pieces.
Telling him to leave does not need be the only option available to you.
Leaving the room when he starts. Asking him to leave the room when he starts.
Not returning a comment of ill will when he starts with such himself.
Boundaries and options are available in all shapes and sizes. Al Anon meetings would give you some great support and learning tools that can be used daily.
You have options, it is a matter of using what is available as you learn them.
There can be peace.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: novato, ca
Posts: 181
Maybe I'll see if there are any AA meetings around here today. I've been to a total of 9 meetings. 6 were in Maui last Summer and they were okay. The local ones I've been to recently and I really didn't like them. But perhaps I should give it another try today since I'm so off kilter.
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