pmaslan

Got the anticipated call yesterday. LOL funny my thread from the other
day actually came true. He called me at my office yesterday around noon.
Said he has been working for a month at a local tv station as an engineer.
Said he wasn't drinking although I don't believe that as he sounded a bit
drunk while talking to me, kept repeating things. I know him so well,
I trust my gut on this.
I know there are a lot of eyes rolling and heads shaking....but taking these calls actually seem to help me. Everytime I get into that space of what if
or what was or could have been, his call serves as a reminder of what will
never be. I don't get all bummed out or depressed either anymore.
I don't know, I probably shouldn't take the calls but it isn't really causing me any harm. After I got off the phone with him I left my office and met some friends to watch the Kentucky Derby at the OTB. Had a fantastic day.
I pray for him all the time that he will find sobriety and happiness. Maybe one day all of that will happen for him. I think I am finally at or at least approching the final stage of grief....acceptance. I am no longer angry with him or with myself, I accept that this is what it is, for him and for me.
I may always take his calls, and maybe one day I won't.

Pick-a-name

Patty: I understand completely.....a "reality check" is what I call it.

You sound good. I am glad you are finding peace with this and that you had a great day! His bopping back into your life and the chaos,etc seems to have given you a lot of closure.

Have a great day!

megamysterioso

I'm glad you're moving on and are at that peaceful place of acceptance. I too can understand how his calls serve as a reminder for you! You are in such a better place right now and maybe one day he will take action in his life to get to a better place as well. Glad you had a great day.

pmaslan

Hey Pick....
You know I think the bopping in and out has helped a lot.
If I have thoughts of us together in the future they are quickly
dashed when he calls. Yesterday I told him the story of Equus
and her husband. I told him that the door is always open if should
ever choose a different life, one sober. I miss him still and I do love
him. I also realize that I may not even like him sober as I have never
known him that way. For now it really doesn't matter because I don't
see him changing anytime soon. So I keep moving forward in my life
and know that I am doing the best I can for me no matter what he
chooses for himself. I am finding peace with this and it's good.
Hope you have a great day too...

denny57

Patty, as long as this is true, you don't have to worry about whether you take his calls. It's worth thinking about if you are still hoping he will change and come back. That's ok, too, as long as it doesn't keep you stuck.

Everywhere I said you? Substitute me in :-)

Have a great Sunday

pmaslan

Denny, I would lying if I said I didn't want him to change and come back.
Isn't that what we all would like to see happen. I am realistic enough to
know that the odds of that happening are very low.
It's Sunday again and you all know how hard Sundays are for me. LoL
so I am putting way too much thought into this today.
I don't feel stuck, I feel like I am moving along with my life. I am not
in a holding pattern waiting for something that may never happen.
Truth be told I still like hearing his voice and knowing that he is
still walking around breathing the same air as I am.

Jazzman

I see this as a good sign. When the calls don't rattle you anymore it must be a good thing. No wondering, waiting, wishing.... just acceptance. It is what it is.

You can say good luck to you I wish you the best, then hang up and get back to what you were doing w/out missing a beat. No resentment, just peace.

pmaslan

And Jazz that is exactly what I did.
Didn't say call me again sometime, or anything stupid like that.
When I hung up I just put it aside and went on my way.
It really is getting easier for me, I never thought I would get to
this point, it is very relieving....can't describe it.

cwohio

yep - i would say acceptance is the word of the day for you. good for you patty - you keep growing girl!

pmaslan

Thanks Christie, what works for some doesn't neccessarily work for others.
Until you get to the point of acceptance I think no contact still works best.
Although I have vacsilated between n/c and contact the last year, I am now
at a point where I can take or leave both...just a better feeling knowing I can
pick up the phone without worrying about how I am going to feel when I hang up.
Progress....it happens when you work on it....

sunshinebluesky

patty,i understand so completely. all of it. there were times when i felt exactly as you,in that those conversations reminded me of the reality of it. then there were the times they made me turn into super beooooootch!!! those were the times i had to stay totally away.
i think that is the key,here. recognizing reality.

pmaslan

Reality really sucks sometimes doesn't it?
I have no choice in the matter, I never did.
He will continue to do whatever it is he is doing
until he gets sick and tired of doing it.
I finally got sick or being angry so I worked on
what was mine and have now found acceptance
to be my salvation. I have no idea what his calls
really mean. Is it to keep a foot in the door if
everything falls apart for him again? He did tell
me that he will be moving out of his ex wifes home
in the next month, getting an apartment of his own.
This will be from my understanding the first time in his
life that he will live alone. He has gone from relationship
to relationship and home again with parents. It should be
interesting to see if he can hold it together on his own.
I do keep in the back of my mind that he fears this and
if all falls apart he can depend on me again. I hope I am
wrong and he really does get it together...LOL I have never
been to New York, I'd love to go for a visit on his dime one day
Lord knows it's the least he can do to pay me back...lol