doubletime

Well I have paid the lawyer today, roughly $800 not bad but when you are a single parent and only living on a limited income this is very challenging. Used the credit card so I can pay it off because I work for the school system and will have the summer off but I plan to work during the summer to help pay for this divorce. What helped make it easier is the house sold and most of the property has been divided.

I hate how when the divorce is final I will have to look at getting my own health insurance will take 1/3 of my check. Unfortunately I may have to look for another job, which really upsets me because I really like my job and may even have to relocate which will really upset my 10 year old son. We both really like where we are located. I understand why so many of us are afraid to take this step because of the financial issues and other things it really seems as if we pay the ultimate price along with our children.

I am trying so hard to do this on my own but sometimes it seems as if the hurdles of life (as I call them) are never ending. I want to be able to provide for my son and myself. My soon to be ex will not have to pay child support because my son is not his biological son, even though he tells everyone he is his son. Hopefully some of you can offer support or let me know that you have been thru almost the same thing.

Have to take son to Taekwondo lessons (offered thru the local parks & rec service, only way I can afford it) but will check back in when we get back.


Thanks,

Doubletime

Cynay

Welcome Doubletime....

Yea ... I left my daughters father when she was 2 and being a single mom financially sucks.

But trust me you are not paying the ultimate price..... that would have been staying there and teaching you son it was ok to treat his mother unacceptably... that is what motivated me to leave, I did not want to teach my daughter it was ok to accept this... cuz one day when she is married with a child of her own, I dont know if I could forgive myself if I instilled in her to accept that ... and then watch her live it.

The hurrdles will always be there, and you will have to make decisions that you wont like, but life will go on and you will be ok, just one day at a time.

prodigal

Texas is a community property state. Anything acquired by either party during the marriage - even if it is titled in only one name - is community property and subject to a 50/50 split. The judge will generally look at both parties' assets, liabilities, and earnings. Did your attorney ask for rehabilitative alimony in your separation agreement? Was it ever discussed? If you don't request it during the divorce proceedings (at the very latest) you waive all right to it forever. Texas has a three year limit on alimony payments. Did you own any real or personal property while married? How about pensions, IRA's stocks, CDs. If he acquired any of these things during your marriage, with or without your name on the certificate, you are entitled to half.

I hope you don't have to move since it seems you're happy where you are now. Just wondering if you shouldn't be getting a slice of hubby's pie....

doubletime

Thank you, Cynay and prodigal, yes Cynay there are those life hurdles and I felt the same about not wanting my son to think that this was the way a marriage is suppose to be.

Prodigal, we had only bought the house 2 years ago so we did not have any equity but thankfully we did not lose any money when it sold but did not make any either. I am going after his 401K and I am going to discuss with my attorney about spouse maintenance (or alimony).

By the way after Taekwondo lessons we were on our way home and my son noticed his car at the local bar. He was upset but I reminded him it is a disease and to remember that he did not cause it.

I will remember that it is one day at a time and I will do all I can do to stay where we are in order to keep some sanity in my son's life and mine also.


Doubletime

FormerDoormat

Keep in mind, DoubleTime, that health insurance fees are withheld from your check using pre-tax dollars, so the reduction in your take home pay will likely be far less than you anticipate.

denny57

hi doubletime

I'm sorry things are so rough, but you have done a very brave thing, for both you and your son. I don't know what it's like where you are, but in California I will still be covered by my AH's health insurance for 3 years. Did you ask about anything like that?

Good luck to you; I hope things only get better from here on.

CarolD

Here in Ga. we have a state funded medical care for kids
Ask the County Health Services.

Talk to your local HRS office to see what is possinle...
I am thinking food stamps...help with utilitues..food bank.
low income housing.

Blessings...

StandingStrong

(((doubletime)))) I truly feel your pain. I remember feeling soooooo scared at the financial prospect that I was looking at just last year. My AH had decided to allow the mortgage company to foreclose on our house, he was no longer carrying my medical insurance or my life insurance policy. Here I was with 2 of our children living with me and one living with him - and I was truly terrified.
Fast forward to now.........there are things that the kids and I do without. But there have also been things that we've gained that we didn't have before when AH lived here. It's not been nearly as frightening as I had envisioned it to be.
Believe me, it's tough. But so far, I've managed to hold it together. Most people assume that I get child support because we seem to be doing okay - those that know the truth of my situation are genuinely surprised and amazed that I'm able to do this. I have really surprised myself.
I think that often times that saying about "The biggest fear is fear itself" is really so true sometimes. My fears had me almost frozen - my determination, will power, and alot of blessings have really pulled me through.
You can do this!!! As was mentioned before, check into what assistance is available to you in your area. (I didn't qualify for anything except medical coverage for the kids) but you know, there are probably a lot of different programs out there that I'm not even aware of. You just have to be determined and willing to get out there and seek the help you need and do the best that you can do.
I wish you well, I truly do feel for you now. It really wasn't that long ago that I was sitting in your shoes.

(Wondering why you don't get child support for your son from his biological father - you may want to set that in motion if it's a possibility as well)

doubletime

Thank you each one of you for your reply. I am not giving up but I will continue on. My son and I will work on this to be able to stay here and "make it". StandingStrong, his biological father abandoned me while I was pregnant so I do not want to go after child support because I do not want him to try and come back and request visitation rights plus I did not have him put on the birth certificate so I would have to pay more to have this straightened out plus he does not know at this time because I kept expecting me soon to ex ah to adopt him but he never done this...... what a mess but I do take responsibility and will straighten this out soon just giving my son a little time since he was so upset about the pending divorce. I want to give my son the choice on whether to find him biological father or to terminate his rights.

I am going to stick to my decision, I do not want my son or myself to live like that anymore, the drama, the walking on egg shells, etc. Thank you each one for the replies. I have checked in Al- Anon and they meet on Wednesday nights but having a hard time convincing my son that we both need to attend. May just have to take him to it and not tell him what it is about.


Doubletime

Kellye C

Doubletime, we have quite a bit in common. I also have a son (who is now an adult) who never knew his biological father and navigating through the social services with a blank on the birth certificate was really interesting at times. At one point I had to apply for AFDC (aid for dependent children) and of course they wanted the father's info so they could go after him for it. Like you, I didn't want to risk visitation issues (the father was a practicing alcoholic and married and I was afraid to put my son in that environment). I basically ended up telling them that I didn't know WHO his father was which was why the birth certificate was blank. It was very embarassing and I got some really strange looks from the workers but I did it for the right reasons (I felt) and did get the aid for him while not having to involve the biological father.

Ok, let's move on now. Texas has a CHIPS program which is health insurance (or Medicaid) for kids. You can apply for it online, just do a search for Texas CHIPS. You pick your primary doctor and they pay for the visits, scripts, and dental and vision. It is income based so you may pay a little or not at all depending on income. You can also apply at the same time to see if you qualify for food stamps (Lonestar card) and AFDC (probably not since you are employed but worth a shot). For your health, I'm not sure where in Texas you are but here in Houston we have a Gold Card which once again is health care based on your income. You may pay a $20 copay to see a doctor or you may pay nothing at all. Same with prescriptions. Here you have to use the county health facilities and it is never fun and never fast but it beats having nothing and it doesn't eat up your paycheck. Look online under your county to see if they offer something similar. Also, we have Section 8 for housing assistance and also apartments where rent is based on income. Maybe ya'll have something similar where you are?????

I applaud you for getting yourself and your son out of this situation and although it will be difficult, it is worth it to not have to live in hell. Let us know the challenges you are facing and we'll try to help any way we can.

Hugs,
Kellye

doubletime

Thanks, Kellye for the advise and support. I have also left the birth certificate blank which has raised some eyebrows (school, doctors, lawyers,etc.). I will check into the CHIPS program and the others. It helps so much when we share and find others that have been down the same road as us. I am currently in an apartment that bases their rent on income, but it is not Section 8 but another program. I will check into the other things you have suggested.

Kellye, my son is currently 10 years old, I plan on telling him about his biological father later this year because I would rather he hear it from me than someone else plus I believe one day he may need to know for medical reasons. If you do not mind sharing does your son know anything about his biological father.


Doubletime

Kellye C

Yes, he is aware of his biological father. I believe he was about your son's age when I told him. He knows his name, where he lives and that he has a brother who is 4 years younger than me (I was 19 and this man was 38 when we met - even at 19 I was making bad choices!). He has researched him on the Internet and talked about trying to contact him but never has yet. It is in his hands and that will be his decision when/if he makes it. I agree that being honest is the best. I told my son that although his father had never met him that I was sure he would love him if he ever did because he was such a great, smart kid. I didn't want him to feel that this was about a rejection of him and that he was bad.

Hugs,
Kellye

doubletime

This is the same way I feel also, I do not want him to feel in anyway that he was bad or it was a rejection or no one wanted to be his father. I appreciate your honesty, we both know this is a very delicate situation and I know that both of our top priorities were to protect our child. He has at least a couple of older brothers, I had met them when we had dated but father was an alcoholic and I believe into drugs also. I did not want any part of this but yet I got into another alcoholic relationship but I am working on myself not to let this ever ever happen again. I realize my part in this and I am going to change myself first and my son.

Thanks,

Doubletime

gelfling

woops...posted something and than saw I was going in the wrong direction.

Anyway, stand strong. You'll make it through all of it.

Blessings