Appreciation and value of my mother
Acting not reacting
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: My happy place
Posts: 1,788
Appreciation and value of my mother
Ive struggled with my mother and what was mistreatment in my childhood for a long time.
She and I have been on a limited contact basis for several months, at my request. She has honored my boundries for the first time in my life. Repeatedly.
She is pleasant, she is loving, and genuinely attempting to have a relationship with me on my terms.
It is really very nice. I just wanted to say that I am happy to be able to have my mom in my life and I am learning to value her for the first time, in a long time...
She and I have been on a limited contact basis for several months, at my request. She has honored my boundries for the first time in my life. Repeatedly.
She is pleasant, she is loving, and genuinely attempting to have a relationship with me on my terms.
It is really very nice. I just wanted to say that I am happy to be able to have my mom in my life and I am learning to value her for the first time, in a long time...
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
You go, girl!!!
That is so wonderful to hear a success story like that. Sounds to me like this program is working for you in all sorts of ways.
Mike
p.s. I never heard what happened to that beach house. Did I miss a post? Did you move in?
That is so wonderful to hear a success story like that. Sounds to me like this program is working for you in all sorts of ways.
Mike
p.s. I never heard what happened to that beach house. Did I miss a post? Did you move in?
Acting not reacting
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: My happy place
Posts: 1,788
Recovery does work!
I did have to really evaluate what I was expecting from our relationship. After realizing she would never be the perfect mother, things began to get better with our relationship.
Havent moved in yet...June 20....so so excited!
I did have to really evaluate what I was expecting from our relationship. After realizing she would never be the perfect mother, things began to get better with our relationship.
Havent moved in yet...June 20....so so excited!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Under the Rainbow
Posts: 1,086
Your story sounds very much like what I'm going through right now. I finally came to a place where I was able to set boundaries with my parents. They are doing their best to honor those boundaries, and while they still drink, they are doing a pretty darned good job of honoring them.
While I haven't been able to let go of all the anger yet, I can say that things are drastically improved and dinner with them is becoming more enjoyable and less "oh God, steel yourself, here we go again"ish. It is creating a new and different dynamic, and one which I'm much happier with, and they seem to be okay with.
I know there are things my dad wants to say to me, that he holds back on. I know he wishes he could talk to me like he used to. I also know that I am not willing to carry his baggage for him, and that the things he would be telling me are exactly that - his baggage.
It's really wonderful and I'm very happy for you that you could have this change in your relationship with your mother. It gives me hope that some day I will be able to let go of the anger as well.
While I haven't been able to let go of all the anger yet, I can say that things are drastically improved and dinner with them is becoming more enjoyable and less "oh God, steel yourself, here we go again"ish. It is creating a new and different dynamic, and one which I'm much happier with, and they seem to be okay with.
I know there are things my dad wants to say to me, that he holds back on. I know he wishes he could talk to me like he used to. I also know that I am not willing to carry his baggage for him, and that the things he would be telling me are exactly that - his baggage.
It's really wonderful and I'm very happy for you that you could have this change in your relationship with your mother. It gives me hope that some day I will be able to let go of the anger as well.
Acting not reacting
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: My happy place
Posts: 1,788
You know Ginger, the anger I had was eating me alive. I was soooo angry.
I beagn to very slowly get the old adage that anger only hurts me. Nobody else was being affected by my anger. My parents were defensive over my anger. I began to work on my recovery, and as part of that, I took into account, both of my parents are ACOAs, the past is just that, the past.
And this is huge..just an improvement is a great step! Things dont happen overnight.
And to their credit, they too, like your parents, honored my boundries. Not calling all the time, they stopped giving their opinion when I had not asked for it.
Its awesome! I call my mom sometimes now, just to see how she is doing, and it does NOT end up with me regretting the call!
I beagn to very slowly get the old adage that anger only hurts me. Nobody else was being affected by my anger. My parents were defensive over my anger. I began to work on my recovery, and as part of that, I took into account, both of my parents are ACOAs, the past is just that, the past.
I can say that things are drastically improved and dinner with them is becoming more enjoyable and less "oh God, steel yourself, here we go again"ish.
And to their credit, they too, like your parents, honored my boundries. Not calling all the time, they stopped giving their opinion when I had not asked for it.
Its awesome! I call my mom sometimes now, just to see how she is doing, and it does NOT end up with me regretting the call!
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