1st Al-Anon Meeting last night
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Granite City Illinois
Posts: 15
1st Al-Anon Meeting last night
Went to my 1st Al-Anon meeting last night, sorry to say I got nothing out of it. One women was sharing her story then another lady jumped in and told her not to worry about what is in her son icebox, (there is always beer and no food) I agree with the worrier, she has grandchildren living there, she should worry they are her grandchildren living there. How are you not supposed to worry about the children in this situation. After the meeting I left with nothing but anger, about that situation.
One brief hour...
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Anywhere, USA
Posts: 1,412
I'm sorry that the meeting did not go well for you. I've never been to a meeting myself so I hope others that actually have can be of some insight to you later when they come along. From what I've heard and seen typed on this board however, you are NOT the only one that went to your first meeting and hated it. Others have simply given it time and gone back despite the fact and come to enjoy it while others have simply found another meeting in their area to attend.
Just like this board, the meeting room is full of different personalities and some of them may not be as sensitive about their views while expressing them to others. I would naturally be concerned as well with the grandkids in the house, but I can only speculate that the lady in there was trying to point out that she should not obsess about her son's alcoholism b/c it is not healthy for her. I don't know what else to say really other than I am sorry...
Al-Anon is not for everyone, but the important thing is that you are aware and are taking the necessary steps to get help for yourself. Continue on that journey and you will not fail. Hugs.
Just like this board, the meeting room is full of different personalities and some of them may not be as sensitive about their views while expressing them to others. I would naturally be concerned as well with the grandkids in the house, but I can only speculate that the lady in there was trying to point out that she should not obsess about her son's alcoholism b/c it is not healthy for her. I don't know what else to say really other than I am sorry...
Al-Anon is not for everyone, but the important thing is that you are aware and are taking the necessary steps to get help for yourself. Continue on that journey and you will not fail. Hugs.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
Congrads on doing the hardest part... walking into the meeting.
I hated AA/Al-anon for a very long time, I cant tell you all the things I hated about it. But I knew that I was sick too and I wanted help more then I wanted to pick it apart and continue to hold on to the things I hated.
They say to try 6 different meetings, there are alot of formats and alot of different personalities, so give yourself the time you need to make decisions about it. I dont think it really started to sink in for me for a couple months, but when it did start sinking in and I was ready to receive (huge for me being ready) it started to work in my life pretty quickly.
I was not there and do not know the ladies story, but if I had to guess it would be that this person spends ALOT of her time obsessing about her son/grandkids. When they talk about detaching, they are not talking about not being worried or concerned, its how the person is worrying and being concerned and if her actions/words are causing more harm then good. But again its only a guess....
I hope you keep trying and coming here to post and share your thoughts
I hated AA/Al-anon for a very long time, I cant tell you all the things I hated about it. But I knew that I was sick too and I wanted help more then I wanted to pick it apart and continue to hold on to the things I hated.
They say to try 6 different meetings, there are alot of formats and alot of different personalities, so give yourself the time you need to make decisions about it. I dont think it really started to sink in for me for a couple months, but when it did start sinking in and I was ready to receive (huge for me being ready) it started to work in my life pretty quickly.
I was not there and do not know the ladies story, but if I had to guess it would be that this person spends ALOT of her time obsessing about her son/grandkids. When they talk about detaching, they are not talking about not being worried or concerned, its how the person is worrying and being concerned and if her actions/words are causing more harm then good. But again its only a guess....
I hope you keep trying and coming here to post and share your thoughts
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
hi needuwell
Congrats on getting into the meeting in the first place. I also did not care much for it at first, though I met some very nice people. I hope there are other meetings in your area you can try. If not, I'd suggest trying this one again at least for the 6 suggested times. I know as I continued to go I started getting more and more out of it.
As an aside, if the other woman "jumped in" that is considered cross talk and is strongly discouraged in Al-Anon. We do not comment on someone else's share insofar as passing judgment on what someone does or doesn't do. We share our own experience, strength and hope. As they say at the end of the meeting "take what you liked and leave the rest."
Let us know if you decide to give it another go. If you do, I hope (and think) it will get better each time. Good luck.
Oh, and no one says you're not supposed to worry about the children - it's what we do with our worry that keeps us stuck sometimes.
Congrats on getting into the meeting in the first place. I also did not care much for it at first, though I met some very nice people. I hope there are other meetings in your area you can try. If not, I'd suggest trying this one again at least for the 6 suggested times. I know as I continued to go I started getting more and more out of it.
As an aside, if the other woman "jumped in" that is considered cross talk and is strongly discouraged in Al-Anon. We do not comment on someone else's share insofar as passing judgment on what someone does or doesn't do. We share our own experience, strength and hope. As they say at the end of the meeting "take what you liked and leave the rest."
Let us know if you decide to give it another go. If you do, I hope (and think) it will get better each time. Good luck.
Oh, and no one says you're not supposed to worry about the children - it's what we do with our worry that keeps us stuck sometimes.
Acting not reacting
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: My happy place
Posts: 1,788
Maybe try another one?
Sometimes it takes a few different meetings to get a good fit and it does get better each time!
Because of the crosstalk, I would maybe try another meeting and see if its more something you can relate to and find helpful!
Sometimes it takes a few different meetings to get a good fit and it does get better each time!
Because of the crosstalk, I would maybe try another meeting and see if its more something you can relate to and find helpful!
Procrastinator
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 76
They do say try six, I've tried dozens, and I was embarrassedly "scolded" for cross-talking (I didn't know the format, it wasn't explained or anything.) Most of the ones I have gone to haven't been that much help to me either, it seems.
Having said that, for some reason, I still go every once in awhile. I am hoping to find that one that will suit me.......I live in a metro area that has all different ones, many times a day, many places. Hopefully that is your situation too. If I do get anything out of the meetings, it's that everyone in there at least is in the same boat. I try not to get to worked up if I don't get anything out of the meetings as I know there will be others in the future.
As far as "not worrying".....That is a whole 'nother thread. You have to keep going to the meetings to truly understand detachment. Best of luck. xoxo
Having said that, for some reason, I still go every once in awhile. I am hoping to find that one that will suit me.......I live in a metro area that has all different ones, many times a day, many places. Hopefully that is your situation too. If I do get anything out of the meetings, it's that everyone in there at least is in the same boat. I try not to get to worked up if I don't get anything out of the meetings as I know there will be others in the future.
As far as "not worrying".....That is a whole 'nother thread. You have to keep going to the meetings to truly understand detachment. Best of luck. xoxo
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
