Down in the trenches...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 2,333
Down in the trenches...
Isn't it amazing how we allow ourselves to fall apart
along with the A's in our lives?
When I met my ex 3.5 years ago I went to the gym
everyday. Didn't miss a day, and looked fantastic.
Not only looked fantastic but felt the same way physically.
My body was healthy.....how is that my mind wasn't?
I didn't even know my mind wasn't healthy. I kept going
to the gym, but kept poisoning my mind.
After about 1.5 years my body caught up with my mind,
I stopped going to the gym.
One day I woke up and just didn't go
and didn't go again for another 1.5 years.
As my mind gets healthy, my body is begining to
follow suit. I am now working out again and watching
what I eat. Kind of in reverse of where I was when I met him.....
How can anything or anyone be good for us when it
creates such conflict within ourselves....
Just my thought for today.....
along with the A's in our lives?
When I met my ex 3.5 years ago I went to the gym
everyday. Didn't miss a day, and looked fantastic.
Not only looked fantastic but felt the same way physically.
My body was healthy.....how is that my mind wasn't?
I didn't even know my mind wasn't healthy. I kept going
to the gym, but kept poisoning my mind.
After about 1.5 years my body caught up with my mind,
I stopped going to the gym.
One day I woke up and just didn't go
and didn't go again for another 1.5 years.
As my mind gets healthy, my body is begining to
follow suit. I am now working out again and watching
what I eat. Kind of in reverse of where I was when I met him.....
How can anything or anyone be good for us when it
creates such conflict within ourselves....
Just my thought for today.....
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
Good thought, Patty. I've also "reverted" to the me that was physically. Over the course of 18 years I had put on close to 50 pounds. In the last 8 months I have taken them almost all off. Funny thing is, I'm busier now than I was when I was saying "when I have time."
I'm fortunate to have a doctor who believes in the mind/body connection. He promised me that if I worked on my own recovery, I would take the weight off, bring the blood pressure down, lower the cholesterol, and I have. I did not go on a drastic diet, I just started caring about myself again. The rest followed.
We get caught up in the other person and we tell ourselves it is because we care so much. I did it all the time. But who am I if I don't care about myself? Why did I think so little of what was good for me? My therapist likes to say that saints rarely get thanked during their lifetimes. Maybe that works for some, but not for me!
Thanks for the post.
I'm fortunate to have a doctor who believes in the mind/body connection. He promised me that if I worked on my own recovery, I would take the weight off, bring the blood pressure down, lower the cholesterol, and I have. I did not go on a drastic diet, I just started caring about myself again. The rest followed.
We get caught up in the other person and we tell ourselves it is because we care so much. I did it all the time. But who am I if I don't care about myself? Why did I think so little of what was good for me? My therapist likes to say that saints rarely get thanked during their lifetimes. Maybe that works for some, but not for me!
Thanks for the post.
One brief hour...
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Anywhere, USA
Posts: 1,412
Sounds like you're on the right track now Patty and that is good! Yes, the mind/body connection is amazing and I wish more western medicine folks subscribed to it. I'm getting my butt to the gym today for the first time in about 5 months or so. I have back problems and know that exercise really helps in that regard. I also like how strong I feel after working out consistently. It makes a huge difference not only physically, but it emotionally re-charges my confidence and self-esteem.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 2,333
We must have the same therapist Denny....LOL
I kept weight on as a barrier, a wall if you will.
I felt if I kept an extra 40lbs on I could "ward off"
potential suitors....warped thinking really
cause the men I was attracting could have cared less
if I weighed 250lbs.....I was an enabler....
As I become healthier in mind and spirit, I find the
weight to be a non-issue really.
I have to tell you it is still a fight to work out daily but
it is so worth it, I have found buried energy as a result.
Maybe this should be on another forum but I think it is
all so relevant in recovery from toxic relationships...
I kept weight on as a barrier, a wall if you will.
I felt if I kept an extra 40lbs on I could "ward off"
potential suitors....warped thinking really
cause the men I was attracting could have cared less
if I weighed 250lbs.....I was an enabler....
As I become healthier in mind and spirit, I find the
weight to be a non-issue really.
I have to tell you it is still a fight to work out daily but
it is so worth it, I have found buried energy as a result.
Maybe this should be on another forum but I think it is
all so relevant in recovery from toxic relationships...
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Maryland
Posts: 64
I'm with you! I am/was the same way. ABF and I broke up a couple years ago for about 6 months and I lost 25 lbs... He moved back in and, lol, so did the weight! Now I'm trying to take control again and joined WW. I'm happily seeing progress!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
Pretty amazing thought....
You know something to add to this is ... We as people are much more desireable and beautiful when we keep the focus on us, work our recovery and take care of us...
SO how is it that we not only stop taking care of us, but we wrap our WHOLE lives around someone else and get into that "zone".
I also have gained weight and Im at a point where Im not liking my physical at all, but I just cant seem to muster the want to get to the gym and start working it off.... How is it we grow into this ?
You know something to add to this is ... We as people are much more desireable and beautiful when we keep the focus on us, work our recovery and take care of us...
SO how is it that we not only stop taking care of us, but we wrap our WHOLE lives around someone else and get into that "zone".
I also have gained weight and Im at a point where Im not liking my physical at all, but I just cant seem to muster the want to get to the gym and start working it off.... How is it we grow into this ?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Chaos City
Posts: 605
I honestly dont know what got me started. One day I just woke up and decided to stop smoking, I did that and it has been almost 4 months now. Then about a month later, I was looking in the mirror and didnt like the person I have become, I didnt even recognize this person anymore. I decided that day it was time to start taking care of myself, knowing that you usually gain weight when you quit smoking scared the bejeepers out of me. I decided that day I need to start watching what I was eating, and that first week, I did really good, I decided that I needed a treadmill and I went and bought one, I deserved one.
Maybe this is wrong, but since my body is getting healthier I have notice my mind getting healthier, I am caring about me again.
For me I think what is helping me, is that I am doing things I want to do. I am going to my son's baseball games, I am going to his hockey games, I was working the Red Wing games, I am keeping my house clean, I have more energy, I work full time. I am going to weight watchers and to my counselor and I am having a blast. It feels good to do things for me, I am happy inside.
I have decided that I am forty now, and it is time that I have fun. I am tired of being that person who is sitting back and watching the world go round and I was in my little corner feeling sorry for myself. I have decided that I have alot to be thankful for and the main thing I am thankful for is now knowing for sure that I have choices.
Maybe this is wrong, but since my body is getting healthier I have notice my mind getting healthier, I am caring about me again.
For me I think what is helping me, is that I am doing things I want to do. I am going to my son's baseball games, I am going to his hockey games, I was working the Red Wing games, I am keeping my house clean, I have more energy, I work full time. I am going to weight watchers and to my counselor and I am having a blast. It feels good to do things for me, I am happy inside.
I have decided that I am forty now, and it is time that I have fun. I am tired of being that person who is sitting back and watching the world go round and I was in my little corner feeling sorry for myself. I have decided that I have alot to be thankful for and the main thing I am thankful for is now knowing for sure that I have choices.
Acting not reacting
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: My happy place
Posts: 1,788
I have a theory on this.
Along with warding off suitors, for me, theres the fact that I was placing my self value on things I shouldnt have been. So, instead of saying hey, Im a great gal because I am smart, I am attractive, Im healthy...I was mentally telling myself I was an OK person bc I could handle alot, was strong, could make things work, and was needed.
And quite frankly, we all know thats crap, but the anxiety and depression that comes with being in an alcoholic/codependant relationship is going to inevitably stress our bodues out. I was sick all the time, sleepy, sluggish, and thats not conducive to losing weight or being healthy! Not to mention all the meds I was on, anti-depressants, anxiety meds, those will make you gain weight alone!
Just my 2 cents!
Along with warding off suitors, for me, theres the fact that I was placing my self value on things I shouldnt have been. So, instead of saying hey, Im a great gal because I am smart, I am attractive, Im healthy...I was mentally telling myself I was an OK person bc I could handle alot, was strong, could make things work, and was needed.
And quite frankly, we all know thats crap, but the anxiety and depression that comes with being in an alcoholic/codependant relationship is going to inevitably stress our bodues out. I was sick all the time, sleepy, sluggish, and thats not conducive to losing weight or being healthy! Not to mention all the meds I was on, anti-depressants, anxiety meds, those will make you gain weight alone!
Just my 2 cents!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 528
It's strange you mention that.
Before I began dating ah, I swear "normal" was just around the corner for me. Or so I thought, LOL. I felt normal though. I too, was a big gym goer and it showed. I've always been thin so weight wasn't the issue/problem. But I enjoyed how I felt and I looked it as well. After ah and I married, my life that once had balance, had none. I never went to the gym, I was too consumed with him. Here I am 3 years later and still don't go anymore. My mind is a mess. When I mention going to work out others will say, "you're thin, you have nothing to worry about". LOL....that's like saying, "you live in a nice house, all is fine inside."
Perhaps I haven't started putting me first in the fullest way. My mind is still a mess, I still catch myself being consumed with him as opposed to living each day........hhhmmmmm, very good thought patty.
Before I began dating ah, I swear "normal" was just around the corner for me. Or so I thought, LOL. I felt normal though. I too, was a big gym goer and it showed. I've always been thin so weight wasn't the issue/problem. But I enjoyed how I felt and I looked it as well. After ah and I married, my life that once had balance, had none. I never went to the gym, I was too consumed with him. Here I am 3 years later and still don't go anymore. My mind is a mess. When I mention going to work out others will say, "you're thin, you have nothing to worry about". LOL....that's like saying, "you live in a nice house, all is fine inside."
Perhaps I haven't started putting me first in the fullest way. My mind is still a mess, I still catch myself being consumed with him as opposed to living each day........hhhmmmmm, very good thought patty.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Arizona
Posts: 928
I HAVE to work out or I become a moody mess..two months of recovering from my fall have taught me that..
I'm a much happier healthier person when I take responsibility for my physical appearance.
At the moment I'm down 7lbs from WW and working out 4 plus times a week...
Like everything else I just got tired of me and decided to do something about it.
I'm a much happier healthier person when I take responsibility for my physical appearance.
At the moment I'm down 7lbs from WW and working out 4 plus times a week...
Like everything else I just got tired of me and decided to do something about it.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Litterbox City
Posts: 5,691
yep - mind/body connection thing - i can definitely relate also. i worked out for years at least 3 times a week religiously and when things went downhill i quit going - i don't think it was because i was so consumed with my husband, it was emotional exhaustion that i just couldn't see past, maybe even situational depression.
anyway......now i have started back to working out with the help of a personal trainer twice a week and cardio 3 times a week.
my only drawback has been......NO LAUGHING ALOUD (some may know about this).....i have strained a "butt" muscle and have had to back off lower body work for a while.
ps - and NO - i know the way some of your minds go - not THAT kind of lower body work!
anyway......now i have started back to working out with the help of a personal trainer twice a week and cardio 3 times a week.
my only drawback has been......NO LAUGHING ALOUD (some may know about this).....i have strained a "butt" muscle and have had to back off lower body work for a while.
ps - and NO - i know the way some of your minds go - not THAT kind of lower body work!
One brief hour...
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Anywhere, USA
Posts: 1,412
Cwohio--- take it easy and you'll be back to those squats and whatnot in no time 
. The 7 pounds is wonderful Minx and kudos to all of you that have gotten back on the treadmill again!!! Jeesh-- I actually weighed myself for the first time in a LOOOONG time thinking that I needed to see the actual numbers as motivation to get me going (I'm pretty much anti-scale any other time). To my surprise, I'm the same weight--- but since it's all turned to flab now, I just FEEL heavier, more sluggish, lazy.
Maybe we should all get back into our body connection and if we ever all meet at a future retreat, we'll just be a bunch of cool, level-headed hotties walking around!!!
. The 7 pounds is wonderful Minx and kudos to all of you that have gotten back on the treadmill again!!! Jeesh-- I actually weighed myself for the first time in a LOOOONG time thinking that I needed to see the actual numbers as motivation to get me going (I'm pretty much anti-scale any other time). To my surprise, I'm the same weight--- but since it's all turned to flab now, I just FEEL heavier, more sluggish, lazy. Maybe we should all get back into our body connection and if we ever all meet at a future retreat, we'll just be a bunch of cool, level-headed hotties walking around!!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Litterbox City
Posts: 5,691
mega - yeah - i'm working with my chiropractor right now (3 times a week) and am almost to the painfree point after a month and a half. i think it was walking lunges that did me in actually - NO MORE LUNGES for me (well not the exercise kind)! and i know what you mean about the sluggish, flabby feel.
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