StandingStrong

Weird how things annoy me now but don't make me feel like I'm in a fit of rage.

As I had posted last week, I was getting my car fixed so AH could have his SUV back. I had told him that he could have it back this weekend. Just figured that he'd come with oldest son tonight to bring the kids home and take it then. Umm...nope, I was wrong.
There was a message on the computer from AH last night - but I wasn't online until this morning to get it - wanting to know if I was done with his vehicle. So since I didn't respond, he had oldest son call me this morning to see if I'd put the key in the SUV. So I told son that I would. (Annoyed me that he had son call though - what if I would have said "NO" that I wasn't done with it?) Anyways....I went out and loaded a bunch of AH's crap out of the garage into the SUV. He had told me the last time we talked, that after he got his vehicle, he'd get his "Sh*t out of my way". So I loaded a bunch of "crap" that was in the garage that I didn't want to be stuck with into the SUV. Later, I was in the house and caught a glimpse of the InLaws pulling from my driveway so I looked out the window and saw my oldest son and my daughter get in the SUV and take it.
This annoyed me - he not only had his son call me this morning about the vehicle, but he also had son get it!!!

So I figure at this point that the kids will probably be home early tonight - as I'm sure that son will bring them before he goes to work. And I'm wondering just how AH is going to get his "Sh*t out of my way" if he won't even call me himself or come to the driveway. I'm betting that he will come get it when I am not home and just have the kids leave him in the house! (Which will make me mad as I dont want him in my house) Thinking of lugging it to the deck and giving him a date to come get it (the items left are big items).

Anyways...there was a time that I'd be angry that he used his son like this. And I'm not going to tell you that it doesn't upset me that he's using son like this - but I'm not really angry. I'm more just annoyed. He's just so juvenile. Just like last weekend with the concert he dropped daughter off at or like when he called the next day and told daughter when she was sick "You always go home sick after staying with me and you're making me look like the bad guy". Yep - it's still all about him!!!

I'm annoyed. :andy:

jimhere

A few years back, I had asked a man to take me through the steps, as it had been a while and I needed to some housecleaning. When we got to the fourth step, I didn't believe that I had any resentments. He said "why don't you make a list of the people that annoy you." About thirty names rolled off the end of my pen.

My anger just looks different these days. I'm not flying off the handle, breaking things, or punching people. It is more a smug self-righteousness that is often expressed in condescendion and sarcasm. But is just as harmful.

denny57

I don't understand how he "used" his son. It's pretty obvious you are angry with him, so he probably didn't want to come over and pick up the vehicle himself. It will probably be good when all of his stuff is gone. Why don't you just give him a date to pick it up by and if he doesn't come by then have a charity pick it up? Or if you can afford it, hire someone to pick it up and deliver it to him. Then this will all be over and you can move on from the annoyance of it and work on your recovery instead of it being "still about him."

Good luck to you - I know how difficult it is.

StandingStrong

It was my expectations of ah that used to get me fired up and angry when he did not do as I wanted him to do - it was my controlling issues.
What I've come to realize is that I can't expect AH to be anything other than what he is - which in my opinion is verbally abusive (which is why I no longer talk to him), immature, selfish, and an avoider. By having come to accept that, I no longer get angry with him - I simply feel annoyed.
Annoyed because he blows off our daughter, makes her being sick about him, and puts son in the position of calling and picking up his vehicle.
I am not angry because I don't expect him to act otherwise.

Feeling annoyed (in my opinion) is a much better feeling than when I'd be angry. I am annoyed in the way that I just shook my head at the situation. He continues to be who he is - that does not make me angry. He just keeps showing me who and how he is - and that too is much better than the "suck up mode" that used to keep me confused.