Change4life

sharing my downfall with crack and attempting to give some advice kept me clean tonight. Seeing my words helped me to hear that little voice in the back of my head telling me I really dont want to use, but do it because the drug has taken control. I followed my own advice and took a time out before running to my dealer and I am clean and reading a book. I havent been able to read in months! It is going slowly, kind of reading the same paragraphs a few times before I can move on, but I am clean tonight.
THANK YOU SR!
SPECIAL THANKS TO ************{2STOP}}}}}}}.

2stop

*tears of joy* I am soo proud of you Beth..you have no idea how YOU have helped ME.THANK YOU so much.

**************{Many Many Tight Hugs}}}}}}}}

2stop

Beth! TONIGHT is all you live rigth now! Tomorrow....you deal with tomorrow.

You done good Beth..........one day at a time my friend. I am here for you, we ALL are.

Change4life

I have no idea how I have helped you since iI have so far proven I am unable to help myself, but I am glad I have been able to do something to help you. You have helped me so much! ******{Many hugs back to you}}}}. Sleep well my friend.

2stop

Angels on your pillow.............one day I truly believe you will help many mnay people.

2stop

You told me...."I am here to listen about your panic attack."

Just those words alone......you are going through so much.....you are reaching out tonight Beth! That is what recovery is really all about.....sharing & caring.....you did BOTH...AND you didn't use!!!!


****{hugs}}}

2stop

Tonigth YOU proved you CAN help yourself..............quite well actually.

Anna

It's so great to find that helping other people, helps our own recovery. You've taken some big steps since you came here and it's so good to see you move forward. You know Beth, it builds on itself. Your decision tonight made you stronger and helped you feel good about yourself. That will help you stay on this journey of recovery.

I am very proud of you!

karlofthenorth

That is one of the reasons I so much liked the SR site the first time I saw it. So many people reaching out to help, console and comfort people they dont really even know. Awesome. Congradulations bfree4u, and 2stop. I know that in the over 5 months I have gone thru this VA program and stayed off the crack and everything else, the more I talk and try to help, the better I feel my program is. I like this quote too:
"[B]I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers
his enemies; for the hardest victory is the victory over self."[/B]
Stay clean, stay sober, stay happy, keep smiling, best wishes to all, karlofthenorth

2stop

great quote Karl............like that!!

2stop

Good Morning, Beth!!!! Just something to start your day off 'right'...Keep doing the net right thing my friend! Rooting you on!!!! *hugs*

lynn41068

Beth,
Thank you for your ecard. It was thoughtful of you to ask about Marisa and the family. So far so good. We are all hanging in there. Please, please wear the watch I gave you. I don't want it back. You can do this Beth. I know you can.

Love,
Lynn

Hope

Beth, I'm so proud of you!!!

(((Beth)))

Change4life

Lynn I saw your thread and completely broke down in tears. Everything is SO WRONG!!! to the point that I am not sure I can ever make it right again. I will put the watch on right away. I didnt send the e-card to be thoughtful I really, really care about you and the whole family. This horrible addiction has made me a selfish person incapable of sharing and helping others. I am slowly getting a little better, and it was in a moment of clarity that I wanted to reach out to you and the family before I fell back into my own miserable hell. So far I have still not let the drug take me back to where I was and I hope I never do again. I love you, Don, Justin, Kevin, Kelly, Scoop, and Marisa. I was even thinking about John the other day. the watch is going back on if I can figure out a way to make it stay on this scrawny little wrist. If I have to I will glue it on. How long do you think superglue lasts? Someday I will be around again, and I will be able to put this horror behind me. I am so happy you sent a response, I was so afraid you had written me off and I was having a really hard time dealing with that possibility. I am going to wipe away these tears, figure out a way to get the watch to stay on, and hopefully within the next few months we will at least be able to talk again. I need to make sure I am much stronger before I come anywhere near Kevin, if I did something to set him off I would never forgive myself.
**********{huge tight hugs to you all}}}}}}.
All my love,
Beth

Change4life

I dont mean to seem like I am ignoring the rest of you. I am not. I am just so completely emotionally overwhelmed by the response of my good friend lynn that I need to go have a good cry. iwill be back later.
I love you all!!!!!!!

2stop

**************{Beth}}}}}}}} You're doing great!! Love ya too girl....

lynn41068

Beth,
I am always glad to get an email from you. I haven't given up on you. But you know the situation with Kevin. He has been clean and sober for many months now and seems to have his act together. Bringing you back into my life could cause him to slip up again. We talked about it a while ago and he asked that I not have contact with you if you are still using. He is working and trying a different school ....BCC wasn't for him and he is starting school to learn how to install audio equipment in cars. He is really excited. He loves working of his car. Don and I talked it over and think it is a good thing.

Beth, please think about rehab. It seems like you have tried really hard but maybe you really need to consider this option.

I wish you nothing but the best. Take care of yourself.

Love,
Lynn

Change4life

I understand the situation and although it is and will be painful for me, for the sake of Kevin I will no longer try to contact you. I am glad he is doing well and hope he continues. You will always remain in my heart. Good luck to you all. You take care of yourself as well.
I think I will return the watch though, when I look at it I feel like some one is sitting on my chest and I cant breathe, just yesterday it seemed like a symbol of hope, but this last correspondence has left me feeling very alone and empty. There is a good chance by the time I am no longer using we will be so old we wont even recognize each other. All I can say is , i am glad I didnt crazy glue the watch to my arm........
I am Ending this post very very sad You will be sorely missed in my life forever ( as long as my forever might be).
I was thinking of trying that Sunday meeting, but if Kevin goes to that one I will find a different one. could you just leave me a brief message. Although in all honesty my stinkin thinking is setting in and quitting seems to be the last thing on my mind. I guess it is time I finally let my desire for this friendship go. I wish you a long, happy ,and healthy life. Who would have ever thought the ending of such a short term friendship could hurt so bad. Goodbye...........
************************{Lynn}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Love,
Beth

Change4life

Copierguy I am sorry to hear that you are still deep in your addiction, but if you are here like me you must be trying or atleast aware that you should be trying to make changes. I do remember you, I know you have a coke problem, and if I remember correctly I think I remember sending the PM. My mind is sometimes cloudy. I dont know about you, but for the life of me i cant figure out why I cant get off the drugs, I dont know maybe it is because I still resist meetings. That is an issue only I can figure out....
I was glad to hear from today anfd I have to tell you, your letting me know I might have had some hand in getting you to stay @ SR really made my day. Because I have spiraled down so far in my addiction I feel like I am worthless and useless knowing I have helped 2stop and finding out I helped you also really made me stop and think. tahnk you so much for letting me know how you are doing. Since we have the same love for coke, why dont we both try and dig ourselves out together? Hang in there and PM me anytrime.
Beth

lynn41068

Beth,
Kevin doesn't attend the Sunday meetings. As for the watch, I don't want it back. Give it away or keep it. The choice is yours.

Take care,
Lynn