denny57

I've been thinking quite a bit on the posts regarding F&F becoming a place to just vent, etc. It has seemed that way lately, but maybe because there are so many newbies and I know when I was new to recovery I vented ad nauseum about my AH. I'm glad I finally got sick of hearing myself, sealed my lips and opened my ears to the idea that I could change. A while back someone had the idea of posting what when on in our F2F meetings to share ES&H gained there. I thought it was a good idea then and still do. So I'll give it another shot.

My meeting today was leader's choice, and she chose the Al-Anon self evaluation on maturity. It was refreshing to sit in a room and share with other men and women where we think we've matured and where we think we have far to go. The toughest one for me on this list has been having an opinion, etc. I'm a work in progress on that one for sure (I'm glad recognizing a shortcoming also falls under maturity, though LOL).

* Knowing myself.
* Asking for help when I need it and acting on my own when I don't.
* Admitting when I'm wrong and making amends.
* Accepting love from others, even if I'm having a tough time loving myself.
* Recognizing that I always have choices, and taking responsibility for the ones I make.
* Seeing that life is a blessing.
* Having an opinion without insisting that others share it.
* Forgiving myself and others.
* Recognizing my shortcomings and my strengths.
* Having the courage to live one day at a time.
* Acknowledging that my needs are my responsibility.
* Caring for people without having to take care of them.
* Accepting that I'll never be finished -- I'll always be a work-in-progress.

pmaslan

* Accepting that I'll never be finished -- I'll always be a work-in-progress.

Amen...Sister.......

ICU

[QUOTE=denny57]
* Having an opinion without insisting that others share it.QUOTE]

That one in particular seems appropriate lately for some reason!

OK, I'm ducking under my desk!!

denny57

Zoey

I agree with ICU on that one.

Also I like looking for the bits of gold in each persons post. Recovery is slow, a whole new way of thinking and doing. Strange and awkward.

Minx1969

Denny -

what you posted reminded me of the checklist that is in the "Alcoholism The Family Disease" booklet from Alanon.

This is something I go over sometimes and see where I'm at.

A mature adult is one who:

1. Does not automatically resent criticism, realizing that it may contain a suggestion for self-improvement.
2. Knows that self-pity is futile and childish - a way of placing blame for disappointments on others.
3. Does not readily experience a loss of temper or "fly off the handle" about triffles.
4. keeps calm in emergencies and deals with them in a logical, reasonable fashion.
5. Accepts responsibility without blaming others when things go wrong.
6. Accepts reasonable delays without impatience, realizing that some adjustment for the convenience of others is necessary.
7. Is a good loser, accepting defeat and disappointment without complaint or ill temper.
8. Does not worry unduly about things that can't be changed.
9. Doesn't boast or "show off" when praised or complimented, accepts it with grace, appreciation and without false modesty.
10. Applauds others' achievements with sincere goodwill.
11. Rejoices in the good fortune and success of others having outgrown petty jealousy and envy.
12. Listens courteously to the opinions of others even when they hold opposing views; does not enter into hostile argument.
13. Doesn't find fault with "every little thing" or criticize people who do things differently.
14. Makes reasonable plans and tries to carry them out in orderly fashion; does not do things on the spur of the moment without due consideration.
15. Shows spiritual maturity by-
16. accepting the existence of a Higher Power and recognizing the importance of this Power in life.
17. realizing that each person is part of mankind as a whole and has much to give; that each of us has an obligation to share with others the gifts that have been bestowed upon us.
18. obeying the spirit of the Golden Rule: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

denny57

I like this "long version," too. And #6 is one I struggle with every day. It sometimes seem I am missing that patience gene.

gypsyrose

I'm confused. Are those both versions of the same thing? If so, I like the first better. It reminds me of the more positive approach to parenting. For example, I can say to my child, "don't act like a wild animal at the dinner table" or I can say, "remember to use your table manners."

Where can this "maturity list" be found?

elizabeth1979

Thanks for this Denny..I like this.

Ive grown in these ways...
*I can now accept that my timing is not always whats best
* I recognize that I dont have to be perfect and can make mistakes
* I no longer feel the need to be the center of attention all the time
* I can choose to walk away instead of always reacting in situations where my reaction is not needed, requested, or helpful
*I can be happy in times of calm, instead of looking for drama
* I can be genuinly happy for others without jealousy or envy

I still have work to do on many areas as well, I think #3 is the toughest for me. I am making progress though!

cwohio

excellent post - denny it sounds like you have a super home group meeting!

denny57

Kind of. The long version is, as Minx says, in the pamphlet. If you don't have it, here is a link to a copy of it: http://www.ladinah.com/gratitude/eva...-our-maturity/

The shorter one this woman used at my meeting came from a worksheet for doing the 4th step and also included this quote from ODAT (One Day at a Time):

"Little by little I can change my world - not by escaping to a new one with the same old me, but by making a new me out of the old one." (p 214, August 1)

bahookie

I do like lists like this, it helps to check off what you think you've achieved. Still have to work on.....

But then, sometimes being spontaneous is fun!

I'd worry about this one though. I keep being reassured that Alanon isn't a religious organisation. Why do you think this is in here?


J
xxx

denny57

The short answer always given is it is not a RELIGIOUS organization, but is a SPIRITUAL one. Many people already have a religious viewpoint they bring to the program, but the program does not promote one. What this statement means (to me) is acknowledging there is something greater than ourselves at work and when we step aside from trying to control, what is meant to be will be. In other words, letting go of control. I heard someone say, it doesn't matter if your HP is a shoelace, just admit you are not in control.

Other people probably have other interpretations. Maybe another thread?

elizabeth1979

Ive heard similar comments as well Denny.
I think thats exactly the point. We cant get past step 1...or get anywhere productive, even if not working the steps, until we get that realization that we are not in control. This concept is instrumental in dealing with ourselves in all aspects of life, not just when dealing with an alcoholic!

bahookie

ok, new thread maybe, but I have to tell you that when you said,

"What this statement means (to me) is acknowledging there is something greater than ourselves at work and when we step aside from trying to control, what is meant to be will be. In other words, letting go of control. I heard someone say, it doesn't matter if your HP is a shoelace, just admit you are not in control."

That's the first time i've ever GOT IT!
Wow, thank you

J
xxx
Ps don't think i could ever call it my HP though... the fact that I don't have control over the entire universe doesn't mean I havne't control over myself and my choices....
Another thread - you're right

Five

I am and always have been in control of my life. I distrust anyone who says to hand that control someplace else. I will not be giving my will or my life to anyone...

denny57

Hi Five

yes, that's true. we even have the reading that states, putting the emphasis where we do have some control, over our OWN lives. in the end that is the lesson to be learned, controlling ourselves and no one else.

Five

controlling myself...that is a key for me.

equus

After reading both lists may I be excused choosing to just keep jumping in puddles and playing on rope swings??!!

I don't think there's any line to cross, any smoment of becoming mature. I think we just keep learning from cradle to grave.

Five

liked that eq. you cannot will maturity on maybe. It just happens over a long, long period of trial and error.

Most folks reach it I think, eventually. Health is important I reckon. Healthy body will make maturity a lot easier me thinks.