ilovehippos

My boyfriend is an alchoholic.
We have been together for more than two years.
We love eachother very much. He's a wonderful man, whether he's drunk or not drunk. He's a wonderful man with a wonderful heart.

He has always had problems with drinking. He was sober for 8years, until two years ago, when he started drinking around Christmas time. He was suppose to fly(we are in long-distance relationship), and because he couldn't stop drinking even at the airport, they didn't allow him on board.

I love him very much.
He has a wonderful soul, and he doesn't say nor do anything cruel to me even when he's drunk.

As always, everytime, he promises me and himself that he won't drink again, and it's been now more than long enough to doubt what he says that he will quit.
We had attended AA meetings together, and all sorts of meetings out there.

Every time we argue, because I'm such a mean person, can't seem to control my temper, I say alot of things I don't mean, but for the sake of moment, and I see that it hurts him. And then he starts to drink..

so far....
everytime he drank, I flew ten hours to be with him, then he'd quit. Everytime I come back, he seems to start again.
Now, he's drinking for more than 12 days. Binge drinking.
He's already been in the hospital three days ago, and he wants me to come and help, and YES, my heart is already there.... I want to be there.
But I'm afraid that he's relying on me to quit.
Should I go? or should I be cold and not go and let him decide what he really wants?

He's still drinking as I type-I'm sure.
It hurts so much to see someone I love killing himself softly like that.

He cries alot when he drinks, and it makes me so sad................

Can anyone help me? Please?

What shall I do?

I'm so busy, and so much work to do, but I'm constantly worried about him.....

I love this site. Thankyou guys......

Zoey

Welcome to SR, this is the greatest site ever. This time of night pretty quiet, more will be along later. Have you read the sticky's at the top and power posts???

I cannot tell anyone what to do, we have to go with our gut. Do you know a lot about alcoholism?? So you know it is progressive, it keeps getting worse.

Have you attended Al-Anon?? If you don't want to leave the relationship, I suggest you try Al-Anon meetings. I feel if not married with childern it is best to leave. Not many get better or stay sober. Read and learn all you can.

Has he lost jobs due to drinking?? Had any DUI's, or carwrecks?? Lots of alcoholism in the family?? Broke lots of times due to spending on liquor??

Again Welcome and keep coming back.

kmagk

Unfortunately I think the best thing you can do for both of you is leave him be. I say this knowing how hard it is to detach. Currently my AH is homeless, living in a makeshift tent in the woods behind his work. I want to drive out there and put him in a hotel so badly, but I've done that before and it does no good. Just gives him another place to drink. I hate seeing him like this, but he has to want better for himself before he gets better. Unfortunately what we see as their bottom, usually isn't even close. We need to let them hit their own bottom, it seems every time we rescue them, we prevent them from hitting their bottom, which is what they need to do before they begin recovery. It's sad and it's hard, I wish you both the best. Hugs & Prayers....

ilovehippos

Thankyou guys...
It is really sad and so hard. I feel you Kmagk...
Actually, it is soooooooo sad that I feel so crushed down to my bones.

Luckily, he's his own boss- and yes... he has fainted several times on the street when he was drunk.

I really don't know. I mean...I know...
I know. I know what to do, but at the same time, I think of all the memories we have shared together, and then I become weak and so sympathetic.

How do you all hang in there?

Why?
Why?
why?
and why?

why...........................

denny57

Welcome ilove

Are you also a recovering A? You say you have attended AA meetings together; what about Al-Anon for you?

I'm concerned with your statement, "I'm such a mean person." Why do you say that? Does he tell you that you are mean and that is why he needs to drink? I came to believe a lot of the things my AH told me I was - all excuses for him to drink. Six months out of the situation and I realize it just wasn't true. Therapy, Al-Anon, my friends and SR have all helped.

Keep posting and reading.

Pick-a-name

Welcome ilovehippos ! Glad you are here.

No need to decide anything except for today........ I would say. Learning about alcoholism and what you can and can not do about this situation will give you more tools to decide what to do about your life.........and that is key. It's all about YOU!

Of course you can support him, but you can not make or "help" him recover; but you can learn how to make your life better;and what's good for the loved one, is good for the alcoholic. Post,read, meetings,prayer......

Have you read "Under the Influence" or "Getting Them Sober"? Others here swear by "Co-Dependent No More". All great starting places! Also check out http://www.GettingThemSober.com

Since yours is a long distance relationship (BTDT,too when engaged to AH) you may or may not be getting the WHOLE truth (or any! haha) from an alctive alcoholic........that was a big pill for me to swallow (has taken me almost 30 yrs to start to "get" that!) but they WILL deny about their disease,etc...that is just a part of it. period.

Stick around here. Concentrate on your life as best you can. Detatchment is NOT about not loving and caring about them....in fact, in this situation is IS about love. For him and yourself!

Remember the important "Three C's" and go over them until you really start to believe them. You did not CAUSE it, you can not CONTROL it and you can not CURE it. You have no more power over this than if it were diabetes,etc.

Stick around and good luck to you both!