ASpouse

.... but not surprised, not really anyway.

My MIL is dying. She has been battling cancer for almost 9 years and the battle is coming to an end sadly.

My brother in law is an alcoholic and probably a prescription drug abuser also, not sure about the latter. Anyway, a couple of weeks ago he went to rehab, checked out after 7 days, never went to meetings or outpatient as highly suggested by the rehab.

My BIL calls his dad on Friday to find out what he has to do about getting his disability and asks his dad to bring the papers to his house. He knew my MIL was in the hospital and quite ill and that my FIL (his dad) was doing all he could do to keep everything together and listen to doctors etc. To say the least, it's a stressful time.

I can't believe how self centered, self serving my BIL is behaving. OK, why should I be surprised? I shouldn't and I'm not really, but seeing this and hearing about it makes me so happy that my husband no longer is an active alcoholicm, my BIL reminds me so much of the chaos that alcoholics bring into the life of others. My goodness, how they hurt the people they profess to love .... I'd love to call him and just tell him off, but I won't. So frustrating .... maybe I haven't learned as much as I thought I did........ .

Brammy

I understand your feelings. I sometimes feel the same way about my XABF. I will only do that when I can do it in a calm manner. These are times that I realize what I am saying is simply to give MYSELF closure and nothing to do with him. Good Luck on whatever you decided to do. ((((hugs))))

StandingStrong

I think I'd disagree with that statement. It's one thing to know something - but it's something different to really think that we won't allow someone else to affect our thoughts and our feelings. It's only human nature and love on your part that has you upset with your BIL and I believe that is a very natural and normal thing. Let's face it, even if he weren't an alcoholic and he was being this self-centered and selfish, you'd still be angry, hurt, and frustrated. It's only human nature.
I'm sorry that your BIL is being the way he is - though like you said - you know you shouldn't be surprised. I think you're handling it well though. Venting here instead of trying to reason with him is a sign you have learned and that you are doing better.
((((ASpouse))))

Zoey

I agree with SS, human nature, sensitivity, and of course we would be upset with anyone asking these two people to help them right now. They have all they can handle.
Just sending Love Hugs and understanding. Perhaps we are allowed some slips.
Bet your 4 legged friends still adore you. (Smile)

laurie6781

Oh Judy you have grown, changed, and learned so much.

Just think, yes this bothers you, h*ll it bothers all of us, but you didn't have to go over there and physically kick his azz. rofl now I know you wanted to, cause that was my first thought when I read what you posted, but you didn't. Now that is GROWTH!!!!!

And yes, the alkie is so focused on themselves in their little unreal world that they have no concept of what they are doing. I say that not as an excuse, just as a fact. I am sure it never once crossed your BIL's mind to go get his own damn papers, lol.

Just letting you know that I so understand and to give you ((((((((Judy)))))))).

Love and hugs,

ranae1221

Hi Judy,

I recently went through a simular expierence with my roomate/surrogate mom Shirley. She was sick for most of 2005, and in November 2005 we found out she had lung cancer. They doctors gave her 3-4 months without treatment, which was her choice (she only lasted 27 days). Her son in town is an alcoholic, and even when she was sick this whole past year, he rarely came around to help out around the house (I work full-time). The last week he was here almost daily (I kept her at home with help from Hospice and several good friends), however spent all the time on the phone or drinking beer. I realize everyone grieves in their own way, however he wouldn't even go in to sit with his mom for more than 5 minutes.

This made, and still makes me very mad and hurt. I had a hard time keeping the anger at bay during those last few weeks, but I just kept telling myself, 'this isn't about me, this isn't about him. It's about Shirley and what is best for her', and for that reason only I didn't "go off" on him, I didn't say all the things that I would scream in my head everytime I saw him. I remained polite and tried my hardest to not talk bad about him around Shirley. She was going through enough without me making it worse.

Now that she has passed away, I no longer allow him in my life. I tolerated him for her sake, and I want nothing to do with him now. But I have no regrets for keeping the peace and being the "bigger" person while she was alive.

denny57

i think we learn plenty when we can recognize what's going on and deal with it appropriately. it's normal to feel frustrated with insensitivity, whether from an alcoholic or not. we went through the same thing in our family when my father was dying. but i want to say that one uncle (my dad's brother), basically the black sheep of the family - alcohol, reform school, etc. - showed up every day to visit. i would meet him in the parking lot and give him an update on my dad's condition so he could prepare himself - he HATED hospitals.

so sometimes it's just about the person, not the alcohol.

my thoughts and prayers are with you as you go through this.