still holding on i guess.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: brandon man, canada
Posts: 258
still holding on i guess.
Will i,m still sober and i dont think i want to be anymore.Pretty weird to be saying that.Being sober has helped me with alot of termoil in my life.I have a beautiful granddaughter who has,nt seen me drunk 14 months old she is.I spend all my time with her.I dont know if i sould say why i,m feeling this way but here it goes anyway.I was living with a lady and we split up after 2yrs together about 3 yrs ago and right after that i went on a bender and met my current wife and things were good at the start she put up with my drinking and then my mouth took over against her and her kids and i couldnt take it anymore so i asked her to leave.I dont think she knows the real reason as to why i asked her to leave,but she likely does.The lady i used to live with before her was i think my soul mate and i was the one that wrecked that and i havent been able to get over her since.I,ve tried dating other women but this lady is always on my mind i dont want to hurt the next lady with me thinking of someone else.The women i have talking about i see her from time to time and we talk and when we split up she went back to her old man.He had cancer and she helped him out and now things are good for him and i asked her if she wants to be with me again and she says she does and i spill my heart out to her and till her the reason i quit drinking was for her and that if ever given the chance again to be with her i want to be sober and it isnt happening fast enough.I see her and then we want talk for weeks and i guess this is whats really confusing the hell out of me.My wife has,nt wwent for a devorse yet and we have been apart for 2yrs i dont want to hurt her either but i need to be happy to.Every once in a while i think about theses things and it eats me up like you would,nt believe ad todays one of them.Its crazy my old thinking stinking days come back and i would love to go get drunk.So jest fight ing the urge right now and hoping not to go get drunk thanks for letting me share.
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
Hey there,
Keep posting instead of drinking, when my urges for meth are really bad sometime I go to the Naranon board and read how much our vices affect other people. Their pain teaches you how selfish picking up is.
If you use, it's simple others get hurt. Why so we can get a few minutes or maybe hours of pleasure then crash to be lower than we were before we picked back up.
Check out the alanon board, read their pain, it may help with the cravings.
That's what helps me anyways.
Keep posting, Just don't drink.......... Just don't....
Keep posting instead of drinking, when my urges for meth are really bad sometime I go to the Naranon board and read how much our vices affect other people. Their pain teaches you how selfish picking up is.
If you use, it's simple others get hurt. Why so we can get a few minutes or maybe hours of pleasure then crash to be lower than we were before we picked back up.
Check out the alanon board, read their pain, it may help with the cravings.
That's what helps me anyways.
Keep posting, Just don't drink.......... Just don't....
Paused
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 5,093
So explain to me how getting drunk is going to help matters? If you drink, you probably will lose both ladies. Need I even mention that beautiful grand daughter of yours. Most importantly, you need to stay sober for yourself.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,236
AA Help AND UNDERSTANDING Hi Dave. Glad ur here.
Im Sharon and Im an Alcoholic.
First u can't drink if there no alcohol around u to put ur hands on. Next, theres no alcohol in AA meetings. There's no alcohol if u are with someone in recovery. Do u know any AA friends or a buddy from meetings u use to go to or u hung around with? Give that buddy a call. Im sure he would be happy to hear from u if he knows u need someone to talk to. Relationships r not easy. Neither is a 24 yr marriage and a 15 yr sobriety. However i do know what is important to me and that is to stay sober and NOT PICK UP THAT FIRST DRINK. For me to drink is to die. Ive been there before and i dont know if i have it in me to go thru that again. I may not make it back thru those doors of AA. So i need to go to any lengths on a daily bases to not drink. That is to call someone or go to a meeting. You know u dont have to go thru what u r going thru alone. There are many people that are available to help u thru ur situation. Grab a hold of someone so u wont have to be alone or drink. Also check back frequently here as others will be along shortly to share their own ESH with u.
Im Sharon and Im an Alcoholic.
First u can't drink if there no alcohol around u to put ur hands on. Next, theres no alcohol in AA meetings. There's no alcohol if u are with someone in recovery. Do u know any AA friends or a buddy from meetings u use to go to or u hung around with? Give that buddy a call. Im sure he would be happy to hear from u if he knows u need someone to talk to. Relationships r not easy. Neither is a 24 yr marriage and a 15 yr sobriety. However i do know what is important to me and that is to stay sober and NOT PICK UP THAT FIRST DRINK. For me to drink is to die. Ive been there before and i dont know if i have it in me to go thru that again. I may not make it back thru those doors of AA. So i need to go to any lengths on a daily bases to not drink. That is to call someone or go to a meeting. You know u dont have to go thru what u r going thru alone. There are many people that are available to help u thru ur situation. Grab a hold of someone so u wont have to be alone or drink. Also check back frequently here as others will be along shortly to share their own ESH with u.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Highlands, TX
Posts: 1,192
Dave, it sounds to me like you are spending too much time inside your own head which can be dangerous for us. I have found the best thing to combat that is to get busy and get out of self. If I will spend the energy focusing on my problems trying to help someone else instead then we both benefit. It also sounds to me like you are very lonely. Getting out and about amongst people would be good for that too. I don't know if you go to meetings or not so I'm not going to just jump in there with the "make a meeting" thing. If you do, then I would highly suggest one. If you don't then what recovery tools are you using? Are you using any or are you trying to do this thing on your own? I know that I had to have help to get sober and I have to have help daily to stay sober. I do make meetings or talk with another sober alcoholic daily and it is invaluable to me.
There seem to be a lot of posts here lately about people being miserable sober and it really saddens me to see that.
Please Dave, whatever you do and however you do it, don't pick up that drink. Think back to how you felt before in the worst of your drinking days. Is it really worth it just to zone out for a bit? Is it worth going through the hell of withdrawal again?
If you can, try to get out of the house for a bit to ease that loneliness OR stay on here and keep posting. Just please don't drink.
I'm pulling for you Dave,
Kellye
There seem to be a lot of posts here lately about people being miserable sober and it really saddens me to see that.
Please Dave, whatever you do and however you do it, don't pick up that drink. Think back to how you felt before in the worst of your drinking days. Is it really worth it just to zone out for a bit? Is it worth going through the hell of withdrawal again?
If you can, try to get out of the house for a bit to ease that loneliness OR stay on here and keep posting. Just please don't drink.
I'm pulling for you Dave,
Kellye
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Recovery
Posts: 3,229
No matter how much you think it would make you feel better, keep in mind that everytime we pick up, we lose. No matter what circumstances our minds may be trying to rationalize, it just never works out.
Don't give in. You have too much going for you and drinking will only cause you to lose it all.
Don't give in. You have too much going for you and drinking will only cause you to lose it all.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: brandon man, canada
Posts: 258
Thank-you to all of you that helped me get thru this crazy time that i went thru.The crazy thing is i went for a drive and went to my old bar and played the v.l.t,s and won fifty bucks and then decided to go home.When i left the bar i was going to go around the corner to the vender but something stopped me and i kept thinking about all the people i know that went out drinking again and its not worth it.So anyway i went home and got a burger on the way home and stuffed myself and watched a movie and hey i made it another day.Jest goes to show you that with even 16 months of soberiety things can be a little screwie at time.I guess time to start phoning my sponser when i get like that.Yes i go to meetings twice a week maybe i should go on the weekends too.Thanks your buddy DAVE...
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,236
Changing People, Places And Things
Hi Dave. Sharon here an im an alcoholic.
50 bucks.... : ) and just a hamburger....How about a Seafood Dinner or a Steak Dinner. : ) Pancakes or French Toast.... : )
Thats good on the 50 dollars. Now u have some dollar bills to put in the basket when they pass it around at the AA meeting for that good cup of coffee. ; ) Ok, here it comes that suggestion know one wants to hear but u know it may save ur life. : )
The bar u go play ur game at...hmmmmm...if i were in early sobriety, that would be one of those people, places and things we have to avoid by all cost. Changing old habits isnt easy but in order for me to stay sober, i had to take the suggestions of others before me and do it. Places like my old club i liked going to because of the MUSIC....well that wasnt all i like going there for. It was everything that attracted me there in the first place. Drinking, music, dancing, and men. That place is still there even tho i dont go anymore and im sure the music is still playing, dancing still happening and those men r still there picking up women. And most of all the alcohol is generously flowing.
Today...i work at a Texas grocery store, pushing in baskets , carryout for customers and bagging. I do get tips from time to time from wonderful customers that sooo appreciate the service. Many times i turn down the tips mainly because i enjoy my job. The rewards are so much appreciated and i take my tips and put them away to brink with me to an AA meeting.
Meetings are good, sponsors are good, and doing the things suggested in AA are also good. Those people that have a few more days of sobriety over me shows me that they are continueing to work their program one day at a time. Helping others by sharing their own experiences, strengths and hope with others just as u have done here. Im glad u have shared and thus seeing the advice u r recieveing also helps me as i continue on my road of recovery.
Thanks for letting me share.
50 bucks.... : ) and just a hamburger....How about a Seafood Dinner or a Steak Dinner. : ) Pancakes or French Toast.... : )
Thats good on the 50 dollars. Now u have some dollar bills to put in the basket when they pass it around at the AA meeting for that good cup of coffee. ; ) Ok, here it comes that suggestion know one wants to hear but u know it may save ur life. : )
The bar u go play ur game at...hmmmmm...if i were in early sobriety, that would be one of those people, places and things we have to avoid by all cost. Changing old habits isnt easy but in order for me to stay sober, i had to take the suggestions of others before me and do it. Places like my old club i liked going to because of the MUSIC....well that wasnt all i like going there for. It was everything that attracted me there in the first place. Drinking, music, dancing, and men. That place is still there even tho i dont go anymore and im sure the music is still playing, dancing still happening and those men r still there picking up women. And most of all the alcohol is generously flowing.
Today...i work at a Texas grocery store, pushing in baskets , carryout for customers and bagging. I do get tips from time to time from wonderful customers that sooo appreciate the service. Many times i turn down the tips mainly because i enjoy my job. The rewards are so much appreciated and i take my tips and put them away to brink with me to an AA meeting.
Meetings are good, sponsors are good, and doing the things suggested in AA are also good. Those people that have a few more days of sobriety over me shows me that they are continueing to work their program one day at a time. Helping others by sharing their own experiences, strengths and hope with others just as u have done here. Im glad u have shared and thus seeing the advice u r recieveing also helps me as i continue on my road of recovery.
Thanks for letting me share.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Littletown, OK
Posts: 81
Dave,
glad you made a different choice!
Just for me, part of my work has included looking at and addressing my co-dependency issues. Lots of conversations have been going towards the relationship area in my life. I thought I could set it aside for later but you know how life has a way of throwing things at us, when we're "not quite ready"...so, it was really stressing me out 'cause I just wanted to avoid it. That's not gonna happen.
I'm having to come to terms with it and it's not easy. I don't know how to politely say, "I don't date." Period. No further discussion.
Oops, think I just got my own answer.
If it's got you all worked up, maybe it's something to look at more closely.
Thanks for sharing!
Ki
glad you made a different choice!
Just for me, part of my work has included looking at and addressing my co-dependency issues. Lots of conversations have been going towards the relationship area in my life. I thought I could set it aside for later but you know how life has a way of throwing things at us, when we're "not quite ready"...so, it was really stressing me out 'cause I just wanted to avoid it. That's not gonna happen.
I'm having to come to terms with it and it's not easy. I don't know how to politely say, "I don't date." Period. No further discussion.
Oops, think I just got my own answer.
If it's got you all worked up, maybe it's something to look at more closely.
Thanks for sharing!
Ki
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Highlands, TX
Posts: 1,192
((((((Dave))))))) so glad to see you here still with us and still sober. Since you are involved in AA how about getting more active in your group? Do non-meeting social situations with them? Go out to dinner or just coffee after a meeting. If they go to dances go with them even if you don't dance. It will get you out of the house, out of your head and into working with others. How about bumping up the frequency of your meetings for a while? Just suggestions that might help.
I know how relationships can screw around with our minds and the whole co-dependency thing sucks. I'm getting ready to do my second 5th step later this afternoon and a lot of it is going to be about my most recent relationship and fall-out from that as well as how much I am still controlled by other peoples feelings and opinions of me. Just writing all of it down makes me realize how sick I still am and how much farther I have to go. Have you thought of doing a mini-4th step on the relationships that are causing all this pain. Getting it all out and going over it with your sponsor may help you a lot.
The whole bar scene to me is a landmine and I don't go unless I have a sober member of AA with me and even then rarely. I learned very early about people places and things getting me drunk. There are too many sober functions you can go to that don't pose a threat. We're still new to all of this.
Congratulations on the $50 and on making it through another night sober. Thank you so much for coming on here and letting us know how you did and that you are ok. Whether you know it or not, you just gave experience strength and hope to others who may find themselves in a similar situation.
Big hugs,
Kellye
I know how relationships can screw around with our minds and the whole co-dependency thing sucks. I'm getting ready to do my second 5th step later this afternoon and a lot of it is going to be about my most recent relationship and fall-out from that as well as how much I am still controlled by other peoples feelings and opinions of me. Just writing all of it down makes me realize how sick I still am and how much farther I have to go. Have you thought of doing a mini-4th step on the relationships that are causing all this pain. Getting it all out and going over it with your sponsor may help you a lot.
The whole bar scene to me is a landmine and I don't go unless I have a sober member of AA with me and even then rarely. I learned very early about people places and things getting me drunk. There are too many sober functions you can go to that don't pose a threat. We're still new to all of this.
Congratulations on the $50 and on making it through another night sober. Thank you so much for coming on here and letting us know how you did and that you are ok. Whether you know it or not, you just gave experience strength and hope to others who may find themselves in a similar situation.
Big hugs,
Kellye
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