Need to whine/vent... so bear with me!

Old 04-21-2006, 08:32 AM
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Need to whine/vent... so bear with me!

A word of warning... this post will most likely not be a good representation of the program I have been working so hard at. I am just so frustrated with B and his behaviors as of late and I needed a safe place to air it. So here it goes....

He has been nothing but a big pain in the butt alcoholic this week. Out almost every night drinking, and then getting up every morning and complaining to me about he's "so busy with work" and he's mad that it's keeping him from getting anything done around the house (including finishing up the bathroom that's he's been "remodeling" since January, and we still have no toilet or shower). The only thing keeping him from getting crap done is himself, and his wants. I know that, he knows that, yet he rambles (quacks!) on and on blaming everything else for why he hasn't been able to get stuff done.

He got home around 10:30 last night, and I asked him what was going on for the weekend... (what the hell was I thinking?!?!?!?!)....

He proceeded to tell me how he HAD to go out with his buddy tonight b/c he's had such a busy week at work that he needs a break. A break, a freakin' break? He's had a break EVERY NIGHT this week?!?!? And meanwhile... I'm getting HUGE... my abilities to do slave labor around the house are drastically disappearing. Our lawn is still a mess from the trees he took down in October. I've done the best I can to get things picked up, but everytime he sees me out there he screams at me (he doesn't want me to doing anything strenuous, yet he won't go out and get it done himself!). The baby's room is a complete war zone, and he won't let me paint or do any staining so I can't get that put together (but again, he won't work on that room either). The bathroom... well, I've done all I can to keep the bathroom moving forward (short of hiring a plumber to come and install the tub and toilet, of course).

The baby's due in less than 3 months and the place is no where's near where we wanted it to be at this point. I've done all I can with the things I can control... now I need the one thing I can't control (my lazy husband!) to pick up his end of the slack, or to leave me the hell alone so I can get the crap done myself!

I'm just frustrated. My Mom is starting to get on my case. She's hosting a shower for me in 3 weeks, and I haven't finished the registry, not because I don't want to... but b/c B wants to give his input on the major items. I've asked him every morning, "Can we please go and get that finished tonight?" "Yeah sure, no problem. We'll go right after work." and then he doesn't come home or calls and says, "Something's come up, let's do it tomorrow."

Well, all those "tomorrows" have run out as far as I'm concerned. I'm going to finish all the stuff up myself now, and I'm not going to let him tell me I "can't or shouldn't" do things anymore. I'll find ways to work with (instead of against!) this new physique of mine. I'm going to figure out what I need to do to be able to paint and stain and then I'm going to get the baby's room done myself. I will not sit here and be held hostage by his choices anymore. And, if need be, I will hire a damn plumber b/c I need my bathtub and toilet back now.

I don't mind doing my chores or working on the projects that need to get done... I just get super pissed about being told "Don't do it", when I know that if I don't... it'll never get done! I've never been a nagger b/c I've always subscribed to the theory of, "If you want something done, and you want it done NOW, well then do it yourself!" I leave B alone to do the things he wants, why can't he just let me do the things I want!??! Guity conscience, maybe? I don't know, and I don't care. Just leave me alone so I can enjoy myself and get ready for the baby.

Anywho... I feel better now. Thanks for listening!
:-) Shannon

P.S. On a very high note, the baby is extremelly active now! S/he is great company during the day with the constant wiggling, kicking, punching! I'm really looking forward to getting to meet this wonderful little person!
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Old 04-21-2006, 10:04 AM
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GettingBy... BIG HUG I think you are a bit handicapped with expecting your buddle of joy. You are used to doing it. Think maybe you are as frustrated with you not being able to do it alone as you are with his goofing off.

If money not a problem, you should be able to get him to understand hiring a plumber.
I just wanted to send a HUG as know you are better equiped to find solutions than I am.
Has your day improved any?? How about your gratitude list?? I sometimes forget mine.
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Old 04-21-2006, 10:05 AM
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Vent away, my sweet. You are in a really frustrating situation.

I find it useful to put deadlines on stuff i.e. if this doesn't get done by the end of next week, then I will..... Just another boundary thing, but I think you know that already.

Look after yourself and the little one - especially as the nesting thing gets stronger, which I understand is the case as time gets nearer to the birth.
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Old 04-21-2006, 10:09 AM
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that's a great idea of minnies getting by. I'd try the deadline thing as well.

AS the nesting gets stronger, your frustration is going to really rise so you need to put something in motion before you get overwhelmed. It does get much stronger and you will get a bit frantic, LOL!!!

Can't wait to hear all about the new little one.
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Old 04-21-2006, 10:23 AM
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Hint: Best way to get the bathroom done is suggest he asks a neighbor to help him that's better w/ his hands. Or contract it out if it's not done in two weeks because you're so busy you took on a project that was over your head.

This will get any mans ego in a fluster and he will probably have a new found motivation. Not quite letting him "own his stuff" and sure falls into the catagory of manipulation but what the hey, it might work and you'll get your bathroom back.

Any man should know better than to mess w/ a womans bathroom!
What the heck was he thinking?!?!?!?
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Old 04-21-2006, 10:25 AM
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Thank you all so much for listening!

Think maybe you are as frustrated with you not being able to do it alone
SOOOOO true!! I am very frustrated with my own limitations! I've always been very independent/self-sufficient so this whole "Can't do it on my own and have to depend on someone who's very UNDEPENDABLE!" is driving me to.... er, go up a wall? *smile*

It is most likely nesting that's kicking in now. I woke up the other morning worried sick that the baby would be born early and we'd have no where for s/he to sleep!

Gratitude list.... good call! Time to take a deep breath, relax, and be thankful for all the good things I do have going on. I am so excited by the very thought of this baby! Every time I feel it wiggling, I get a huge smile on my face and lose track of whatever work I was attempting to do! I do feel bad that B misses out on special moments like those.... so I guess the bulging belly really is worth it :-)

Thanks again! You are all so good at bringing it back to reality!
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Old 04-21-2006, 10:29 AM
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Jazz, you are so right. I can't count the number of projects that got completed around here when I offered to hire them out or get help from someone more "willing and able." LOL Seems ego preservation is a powerful motivator for some men.

Not proud of manipulating, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do, right?

L
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Old 04-21-2006, 10:30 AM
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Any man should know better than to mess w/ a womans bathroom!
What the heck was he thinking?!?!?!?
LOL!! Thanks for letting me see the humor Jazzman. And to answer your question, I'm not sure he was thinking actually!!! He certainly wasn't thinking the other day... he complained to me about how obnoxious it was "to go all the way downstairs" to pee during the night. I looked at him and said, "You're telling this to the woman who has done it almost twice a night for the last 4 months... so you'd better button it, Pal!"
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Old 04-21-2006, 10:57 AM
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GETTINGBY....
no early babies....two of my four were early and what happens is, you come home without a baby....um, I'm talking premature, not two weeks early, LOL.

yes, tell him it needs to be done or you'll contract it out....good one jazz. Or say, "so and so said he'd help you finish the bathroom...." that cracks me up.

My first two were born at 37 weeks. The third was born at 30 weeks and the fourth was born at 33 weeks. amazing what those three extra weeks will do. so you take it easy and remember, no early babies. BTW, do you know what you're having or are you one of those who is able to wait and see? I could never wait and see but I always wanted to, LOL!!!!!!!!
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Old 04-21-2006, 11:05 AM
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Originally Posted by GettingBy
It is most likely nesting that's kicking in now. I woke up the other morning worried sick that the baby would be born early and we'd have no where for s/he to sleep!

That's one thing not to loose sleep over (get as much sleep as you possibly can NOW! ) Our first was born three weeks early.......the crib was coming in the front door ans we were bringing him in the back door from the hospital. Little ones aren't fussy...mine slept in a laundry basket once for a night in a pinch! Worst case is someone can get things together for you.

I DO know the frustrations you talk about ......and the wish to have things taken care of, especially before the baby arrives! Hopefully a plumber can do the heavy labor and maybe that will kick your husband into gear.........if not, I know you will work it out. Do you have any friends that could/would help you with the baby's room?

Take care....I am excited for you and the new baby!
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Old 04-21-2006, 11:27 AM
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I'm not pregnant, D is not drinking - but when he dithers and gets bog all done I couldn't happily brain him!!!!

I mean how maddening is that?

You have my absolute sympathy - and my vote to get the plumber in!! Have you tried a few absolute ultimatums, like have this done by X or I WILL get somone in to do it?

I won the war of our loft by threatening that me and my best mate would do it if he didn't get it finished by the end of the week (prior to that he averaged about 1 board per week!!).

Good luck and it's great to here the baby is in fine form...
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Old 04-21-2006, 11:42 AM
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I'm on board with calling in the heavy artillary....lol
I would give him a deadline and if wasn't done call
the plumber, the carpenter, the painter and whom
ever else it takes to get things comfy for you.
After you don't want to be rushing around at the last minute...
It's really exciting sitting in the "waiting for" baby room rocking
in the chair in great anticipation.
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Old 04-21-2006, 11:54 AM
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It's really exciting sitting in the "waiting for" baby room rocking
in the chair in great anticipation.
I am all for that!!!! That's what I want exactly! I love to just sit and stare at my stomach... sometimes for an hour or more... watching the baby flip around and play.

I like all of the suggestions so far. I have looked into the things I "can" do... latex paint is on the can do list (yeah!) so I can get the walls and some of the trim painted in the baby's room. The stain for the new doors and windows is out of the question (well, I could get a respirator, gloves, etc), so I may have to enlist the help from a friend, or two! Either way, I need to stay focused on taking care of me... and that means getting this stuff done around the house, no matter what B says.

As for the bathroom, I'm thinking I will call in the big guns (my father or B's step-dad), and see if that can't light a fire under his arse!
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Old 04-21-2006, 12:00 PM
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Originally Posted by GettingBy
As for the bathroom, I'm thinking I will call in the big guns (my father or B's step-dad), and see if that can't light a fire under his arse!
OMG!!! Calling the FIL for help?!?!!??
That's the ultimate!!!!

You go girl!
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Old 04-21-2006, 12:29 PM
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You are so n-e-s-t-i-n-g!!! ;-)
Congratulations! :-)
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Old 04-27-2006, 06:12 AM
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Just wanted to update you all on this past weekend. I took all of your wonderful advice, and put it to action! I spent Friday night working on the baby's room... got LOTS done (actually finished it all up by the end of the weekend!!). We got up Saturday morning, and I mentioned to B that I wasn't comfortable helping him work on the bathroom. All the work that was left was heavy labor stuff, stuff that no pregnant woman should be doing. I suggested that he call his step-father and see if he could help us out... and HE DID! B actually called, asked for help, and his step-father was WONDERFUL about the whole situation (the in-laws have a very good understanding of my husband and how he works, or actually doesn't work! Ha-ha!). They got the toilet in, the tub in, and most of the trim work done! I have a COMPLETE working bathroom once again! *****o!!

I got home from work last night to a new door, trim work finished, and curtains hung. I was free to get the rest of the house cleaned. Finally all the construction dust is GONE!!

Mama's happy again! :-)

Thanks for all your help!
-Shannon
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Old 04-27-2006, 06:15 AM
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Originally Posted by GettingBy
Just wanted to update you all on this past weekend. I took all of your wonderful advice, and put it to action! I spent Friday night working on the baby's room... got LOTS done (actually finished it all up by the end of the weekend!!). We got up Saturday morning, and I mentioned to B that I wasn't comfortable helping him work on the bathroom. All the work that was left was heavy labor stuff, stuff that no pregnant woman should be doing. I suggested that he call his step-father and see if he could help us out... and HE DID! B actually called, asked for help, and his step-father was WONDERFUL about the whole situation (the in-laws have a very good understanding of my husband and how he works, or actually doesn't work! Ha-ha!). They got the toilet in, the tub in, and most of the trim work done! I have a COMPLETE working bathroom once again! *****o!!

I got home from work last night to a new door, trim work finished, and curtains hung. I was free to get the rest of the house cleaned. Finally all the construction dust is GONE!!

Mama's happy again! :-)

Thanks for all your help!
-Shannon

THAT IS SO COOL!!! I loved reading your update - it's given me a big cheesey grin!! When a whine and a vent can lead to things like that then it's a different beast altogether!

You go girl!
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Old 04-27-2006, 06:18 AM
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Shannon......I am so happy for you!

Now, sit back and get some rest when you can and wait for your sweet baby to get here.....
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Old 04-27-2006, 06:45 AM
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Originally Posted by GettingBy
I have a COMPLETE working bathroom once again! *****o!!
WooHoo!!!!
Glad the Step Father kicked in
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Old 04-27-2006, 07:06 AM
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Awesome news....now get in the rocker and dream away
the days with thoughts of that bundle of joy....
(think about the diapers and late nights later...lol)
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