need help info

Old 04-21-2006, 04:47 AM
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need help info

Not sure if I am posting this in the correct location. I just took my girlfriend (51 Years old) who has been living with me for a year to her sisters home. So she could be taken to Detox to come clean of Alcohol. Now my problem is I don't know where she is doing her detox and the family will not tell me anything. All they will say is she can't talk to anyone except her sister. And for me not to try to find her and don't talk to her untill she is out (which they say will be in 28 days. Before I took her to go to detox my Girlfriend told me she would call me to let me know how she is doing. But it has been 4 days and no word and her family will not speak to me at all. I was just wondering if this is normal for the inpatient not able to call anyone on the outside. I don't drink and her problem was there before we got together. I am just concerned if this is normal rehab. or will she be able to call out at some point.
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Old 04-21-2006, 06:00 AM
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It all depends on the rules of inpatient rehab at that particular facility. I don't think it's odd or strange at all that she not be allowed to call until her detox is completed.

I guess I'll make the assumption that you and her family are not bosom buddies since they won't tell you anything?

........ but in the meantime, I'd do something for you, let your GF take care of her issues and you should take care of yours, whatever they may be. Al-Anon may be a good place to start so you can understand your role in this.

Take care and keep us posted.
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Old 04-21-2006, 06:17 AM
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:-) Hi
It's not unusual for no calls the first week or so...
I like what the pp suggested about getting some help and insight for yourself. There are many good books...
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Old 04-21-2006, 07:37 AM
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If nothing else Spider keep stalking the threads here. The insight is wonderful. It is a place of hope but also the light of reality.
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Old 04-21-2006, 07:42 AM
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spider - the first 4 days she is probably really "detoxing" - under meds, etc. for the physical symptoms of withdrawal. then starts the rehab. doesn't sound usual to me. you can get a jump start on helping her by helping yourself. check into al-anon. great program.
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Old 04-21-2006, 08:59 AM
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Welcome Spider

No matter what the reason, I agree try to keep yourself occupied with your own stuff. There will be tough times, but if you try to make it through just one day at a time before you know it the inpatient will be over.

Good luck.
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Old 04-21-2006, 09:37 AM
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Spider, Welcome to SR, so glad you found us, much help here. Very good commments above.

Depending on how long she drank and how much.
Recovery is a really tough road, they have to make sobriety their # one priorty, everything else should be put on hold . Perhaps someone at detox told them no contact, that is always best from what I have seen in treatment centers.

They have fears, anxiety, nerve endings scream,. they get Rx's to help, but just till they get stabilized then they face life on lifes' terms, without a crutch.

Please try Al-Anon so you have an idea how to be the most help to her. Also go to an open AA meeting, If at AA you need to say your name, say first name and I am Al-Anon.
Al-Anon means friend or family of an alcoholic, so covers everyone in my opinion.

Keep coming back here,read everything, ask questions or just tell us your worries, concerns, feelings, it helps very much to type it out.
Remember to take what you can use and leave the rest.
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Old 04-21-2006, 10:40 AM
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Thankyou to all that have helped me. I beleive she is in a 4-5 day detox program and then going to an inpatient for ? days. While the time she was with me she really didn't drink alot at least I didn't beleive it was alot maybe 3-4 nights a week. And usually 2-3 drinks of voka and soda. But news through the grape vine said she was using listerine also. And I do remember her buying a quart of it from time to time but didn't think anything of it until some said something just after she went in. So maybe her detoxing program will be harder because of this. It is just hard to guess what is going on because I don't have any contact with her close family that are in charge.
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Old 04-21-2006, 11:01 AM
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One doesn't need to drink a lot to be an alcoholic, it's when your life is unmanageable because of it, that it is a problem.
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Old 04-21-2006, 11:13 AM
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Can you be forced to stay at detox? if you can,,,, I'm first in line with my AH. I fear if he goes in, he can check himself out again.
Spider: Evidently she admitted to being an alcholic and is willing to see this through?
I would be so proud of her if this is the case. I can't imagine my AH even taking that first step.
I do go to al-anon and that is why I am still here. If you now have the time... find a home meeting that you like. They help so much on their own experiences and knowledge. If you can, go to several meetings a week. At least do 6 of them. Alanon teaches you to take care of yourself.
Good Luck to you and your Girlfriend.
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Old 04-21-2006, 11:33 AM
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I don't think you can be forced to stay in detox....my ex was in
detox 22 times in a 15 month time frame...he never left he stayed
the whole 3 days everytime....obviously he went back to drinking
almost immediately after getting out. I guess he wasn't ready any
of those times.....gotta be ready to quit for it to do any good at all.
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Old 04-21-2006, 11:33 AM
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I think the only way someone can be forced is through the courts and even at that, you don't have to stay, but if you leave, then it's jail time. Not a very good choice.
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Old 04-21-2006, 08:20 PM
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Thanks again for your help. Also I have another question. If she completes her 28 day inpatient program with flying colors would she have to do an out patient program when she comes out. The reason I am asking is there isn't one nearby where I live and she would have to stay with her family which means I wouldn't see her again until she was through with that.
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Old 04-21-2006, 08:37 PM
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My opinion is the more help someone can get the better. Of course, that is only relevant if the person getting the help actually wants it. This is a case of "if you love something, set it free." Because if she actually wants to make this better, you must get out of the way and let her. If it is meant to be, it will. No amount of time or contact can change that. Try to be patient and take the time to work on you. It will be better for all if you can.
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Old 04-21-2006, 09:37 PM
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Spider it really depends on what you mean by an "outpatient program." Many that I know of who have gone through 28 day rehab have then gone to AA meetings as many times as week as they could.

I know there is AA in Maine, lol.

However, please remember, there is "no completing the 28 day program with flying colors." Recovery is a life long process, and the 28 day rehab is just the very beginning of a long journey for her. Depending on how well she "took" to the rehab she will come out with a teeny bit of the fog lifting off her brain, a lot of questions, very few if any answers and more confused than when she went in.

She will be confused about the emotions she is feeling and may not even be able to put a label on a particular emotion. She may feel like she is in 20,000 pieces and trying to paste them back together one piece at a time. What I am saying Spider is she will not be "all better."

The best thing you can do for her is to go to some al-anon meetings to learn about your own actions and reactions. That way you are working on you, and she is working on herself, and hopefully somewhere the 2 programs will meet.

JMHO

Love and (((((to all))))),
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Old 04-22-2006, 07:26 AM
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Well it has been about 5 Days since my GF has gone into detox. Still no word on what is happening. It is just hard not knowing. I hope that her family isn't trying to stir her away from me. All I would like to do is hear her voice and let her know that I am waiting for her no matter how long it will take. I assume when the time is right for her to make outside calls she would call me.
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Old 04-22-2006, 07:38 AM
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Originally Posted by spider54
Well it has been about 5 Days since my GF has gone into detox. Still no word on what is happening. It is just hard not knowing. I hope that her family isn't trying to stir her away from me. All I would like to do is hear her voice and let her know that I am waiting for her no matter how long it will take. I assume when the time is right for her to make outside calls she would call me.
Spider I hear from your posts that you are still obsessing about HER. please come here and read and posts and begin to focus on YOU. She will be much happier and you will be much healthier and happier when and if you do get the chance to see her again. JMHO
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Old 04-22-2006, 09:21 AM
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Yes, some rehabs are like this. She may not be able to call anyone. Why would her family not tell you where she is. She needs all the support she can get during this time.
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Old 04-22-2006, 09:27 AM
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I think the family believes that I will distract her and also they just don't really want me to be with her now. She loves me and before she went in she said to wait for her, but knowing how her family can sometimes control her might try to stir her away.
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Old 04-22-2006, 09:35 AM
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Originally Posted by spider54
I think the family believes that I will distract her and also they just don't really want me to be with her now. She loves me and before she went in she said to wait for her, but knowing how her family can sometimes control her might try to stir her away.
If she loves you, no other person will convince her not to. I know it's hard, but try to focus on you for the time being and try to stop obsessing on her and whether everything will work out. I understand what you are going through, but each day try to put the focus on you. I promise you will find this all easier to get through.
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