sls21

After 2 years of seriously abusing alcohol, my husband has come to me and said he is ready to quit, but can do it on his own. He has between 1 & 2 beers a night. I am still demanding that he get into AA before I even consider staying. I do have an attorney and am in the process of getting seperation papers drawn up. Tell me what you think on this first and then I have to add the second part. He was in a car accicent 7 weeks ago and has been taking Percasets (sp) and Oxycodone for his back. I have a feeling these are giving him the same effect as the alcohol was. He also has been on anti-depressents for several years which to my knowledge he is taking with all this other crap. He does have a legitimate injury, but I still feel like I'm dealing with the nastiness just the same as I did when he was drunk. His opinion is that an alcoholic is someone that drinks too much for years and years. I feel like 1-2 beers a night or even every other night is too much after what he's done. He also blames his drinking on burnout and severe stress from his job. I even think his therapist agrees with this. Is it possible for him to do this on his own this way?? Thanks for any input.

best

It is possible to stop the intake of addictive things on our own. yes.
It is easier to do it with the support and infomation that can be gained from such places as AA, NA, or other recovery support programs.

Stopping the intake is only part of the problem. AA steps work at helping the whole person find a better way. Mind, body, and spirit.
Stopping the intake only helps the body. No growth comes to the mind or spirit unless there is input on those areas.

You can bring a horse to water but you can't make it drink.
He can go to AA meetings but unless he wants what they offer, he may not take a bit of info away from any meeting.

His actions should be your guide. His words are not his actions. results are seen through his actions. Hold your boundaries and he will do what he will do no matter what. Your boundaries are for your peace, not so he will do what you think he should do.

mallowcup

Percocets are a narcotic. It clearly states not to take with alcohol. Tylenol #3 has codeine in them. It's really that simple but it another hair he will split. If he can't follow a simple medication warning label, I don't think you can count on anything else.

megamysterioso

((sls))- please don't get too wrapped up in what his definition or even your definition of an "alcoholic" is. The fact is that YOU think it "is too much after what he's done" is enough for it to be defined as a problem in your life. Please listen to your own heart and base your decisions on what YOU are and aren't willing to live with.

The meds that he is taking are HIGHLY addictive and yes, they do affect his mind. I would be incredibly concerned about this as prescription drug abuse is rampant in our society and it is easy to get addicted to those. Many people who abuse pain pills rationalize it as "not a problem" b/c those pills are prescribed by doctors for legit medical issues. They are also easy to abuse b/c of the legality of the prescription, on and on and on. That would worry me if I were you so I think you have very legit concerns.

Best of luck to you and please keep us posted.

BohemiMamaof3

I agree with everything posted thus far. I think you should hold fast to your boundaries.
Blessings,
EB

Brammy

I went through something similar with my ex. The difference is that I didn't know he was taking the Xanax at one time to take the edge off the withdrawal. When the pills ran out, the alcohol was back in full force. I won't say divorce him but I wll say wait til you see some real progress before getting back into the relationship full force. It was what I failed to do and realize now that it was a mistake.

Nutty

I would suggest you look out for yourself. You know what your boundaries are and what you are willing to put up with.

As for attending AA meetings, I wouldn't insist on them for my husband, because although they do work for some people, they don't work for others. Some people aren't comfortable in that setting. Some people respond better to coping skills training or cognitive behavior therapy. Others to another method. If he doesn't like AA, then he should find a treatment method that he will stick with. Maybe individual therapy.

Certainly the drugs are a concern. These are highly addictive.

sls21

Thank you all very much. One more thing. What about the 1-2 beers a night? Is it possible for an alcoholic to really quit this way? My boudaries are nothing at all, but I want to be real careful not to give up on what was a decent, loyal, loving and giving husband for 13 of the 15 yrs. we've been married to soon. I was thinking exactly what Brammy said. Once the pills are gone, he will need the booze again. LOVED the last paragraph of your post, Best! Thanks again everyone, you are all such a big help.

LaTeeDa

I was where you are not too long ago. Wanting to know how much is too much. If he won't go to AA, then he's not serious, right? I wanted some kind of measurement to make my decisions by. If he does A, then I will do B. If I do B and he reacts with C, it's okay, but D and I'm gone.

What I've learned is there are no rules for this. The answers can only come from within you. You have to learn to trust yourself. The only way to do that is to learn where your reactions come from. Are you listening to your heart and ignoring your head? Are you listening to your head and ignoring your instincts? The only think you can do is figure out who you are and why you feel the way you do. Then decide if you need to act on those feelings, or just feel them.

Sorry to be so vague, but once you understand what I mean, you will know what to do.

L

Brammy

I wouldn't object to 1 to 2 beers a night personally but it all depends on YOUR comfort level. I have friends that come home and have their 'unwind' time but for me its was the out of control drinking and first thing in the morning that was unbearable. If it will set your teeth on edge ... set boundaries but also look into why 1-2 beers would make you uncomfortable.