Living with an AH boyfriend.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: West Chester Ohio
Posts: 2
Living with an AH boyfriend.
This is my first time posting here but I need some help.
I am 24 and have a 3 year old daughter. I have been living with my AH boyfriend for 2 years. It has now gotten to the point where we sleep with seperate blankets and have no kissing, touching, nothing.
Is this normal for an AH? He is only 28 so what do I have to look for in the next years?
One brief hour...
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Anywhere, USA
Posts: 1,412
Is this normal for an AH? He is only 28 so what do I have to look for in the next years?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Posts: 261
Welcome... I'm a newbee too and feels good to vent. Even if here are no replys. It feels good to get it out. Replys on this forum are a bonus and you will get them. Wierd how you can love and are for people you dont know
Stay tuned!
Stay tuned!
Acting not reacting
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: My happy place
Posts: 1,788
Its been my experience that the age of the alcoholic does not have as much to do with it as the progression of the disease.
Does it bother you that he drinks or is it his lack of intimacy that is troubling you most?
Does it bother you that he drinks or is it his lack of intimacy that is troubling you most?
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: over yonder
Posts: 1,548
mystar, Welcome to SR, this is the greatest site ever.
Read everything you can on here.
I am not to say this ,but as long as it is not his child and you are not legally tied, and you are young yet, I would suggest just getting out.
Always difficult to leave, but would in my opinion be best for you and your child.
The alcoholics sometimes seem to not be responsible for their own childern, so not good for a child.
I want for every alcoholic to be loved and respected, and get well, but when you read everything you will understand it is impossible to help them.
It boils down to, we will need to accept them just the way they are, or go nuts.
Al-Anon meetings help us accept or leave, it is your life, so everything in the programs are suggestions only.
Keep coming back.
Read everything you can on here.
I am not to say this ,but as long as it is not his child and you are not legally tied, and you are young yet, I would suggest just getting out.
Always difficult to leave, but would in my opinion be best for you and your child.
The alcoholics sometimes seem to not be responsible for their own childern, so not good for a child.
I want for every alcoholic to be loved and respected, and get well, but when you read everything you will understand it is impossible to help them.
It boils down to, we will need to accept them just the way they are, or go nuts.
Al-Anon meetings help us accept or leave, it is your life, so everything in the programs are suggestions only.
Keep coming back.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
Originally Posted by mystarmaddison
It is really the lack of intamacy - I think that I have come to overlook the drinking and lived with that. I am just not sure if the lack of interest is normal.
JMO,
L
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
Lack of intimacy is not abnormal for an addict who is fixated and "in love" with his addiction. Also, alkies often loose the physical ability to "perform" if you know what I mean. What you have to look forward to if you stay can be found on this site in numerous posts. The addict degenerates mentally, emotionally, and physically although it can take years.
In the meantime, you can become a total wreck being run through the emotional wringer with someone who is consistently inconsistent. Alcoholics have a type of insane, backasswards way of dealing with life. Just my opinion, but I'd hit the ground running and not look back. If he doesn't seek help through a program, he's just going to get worse and make your life hell. Believe me, I've been there.
In the meantime, you can become a total wreck being run through the emotional wringer with someone who is consistently inconsistent. Alcoholics have a type of insane, backasswards way of dealing with life. Just my opinion, but I'd hit the ground running and not look back. If he doesn't seek help through a program, he's just going to get worse and make your life hell. Believe me, I've been there.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: phoenix arizona
Posts: 741
My ex is 35 and what you described was true for me as well. The amount he drinks prevented anything else from happening for quite awhile. The excuse was he works so much in construction and was too tired. He really started to pull away from even a hug. Sure had a firm grasp on the bottle, though. It was almost as if he was hypersensitive to any physical contact. I gave up after feeling rejected too many times. He said I was pushing too much for something to happen and that's why it didn't. Always an excuse... Don't let your self-esteem suffer because of it! Remember you didn't cause it!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Lake Luzerne
Posts: 1,786
Is it normal for a alcoholic? It isn't normal for anyone to live that way. If you aren't married and have a little one, I hope your future is one without him. Youa and your daughter deserve better. Remember you are teaching your daughter what is acceptable.
Procrastinator
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 76
It is totally normal...for the alcoholic. I'm on my eighth month of cellibacy, whoopee!! (really not whoopee.....) It stinks. When they are actively drinking, the alcohol is the most important thing, not you. What you have to look forward to is a whole lot of hurt unless he does something about it. And when he does something about it, he might not be intimate then, either. (Whoopeee........lol.) What you have to ask yourself is, do you want to live your life with an alcoholic? Because whether or not he cleans up his act, he'll always be an alcoholic, he'll just either be an active alcoholic or a recovering alcoholic. But he'll always be an alcoholic. Good luck.
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
Sweetie, it's very difficult for a person who's drunk to be emotionally or physically intimate. And if your boyfriend is an alcoholic, and it sounds like he probably is, then he's always under the influence of alcohol.
He can't be intimate with you because he has another love--his bottle. Unless he gets help, I'm afraid this will be status quo for you. Are you willing to wait until he turns his life around, as this could take years? If not, then perhaps you should stop wasting your time and move on.
You deserve intimacy. You deserve a sober partner. You deserve to be happy. You can have all these things if you choose them. But today, for some reason, you choose to live with an active alcoholic. If I were you, I'd ask myself why.
He can't be intimate with you because he has another love--his bottle. Unless he gets help, I'm afraid this will be status quo for you. Are you willing to wait until he turns his life around, as this could take years? If not, then perhaps you should stop wasting your time and move on.
You deserve intimacy. You deserve a sober partner. You deserve to be happy. You can have all these things if you choose them. But today, for some reason, you choose to live with an active alcoholic. If I were you, I'd ask myself why.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
ilovebdj - LOVED your response!!! LOL!!!
Actually, it is not funny, but I've experienced it too. Lack of libido when passed out drunk most of the time, or nothing more than a detached cold fish when sober. Although it's not so bad. I mean, c'mon, how many of us are all hot and bothered and turned on when they get drunk and think they're the sex god and start coming on to you, stinkin' booze breath, looking like hell, and groping and grabbing at you like you're a piece of meat?
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