Tiredx5

First I would like to say ARGH!

A little update...I told my AH I was planning on a divorce, and would file once I had enough money saved up. I have come to realize that was the WRONG THING TO SAY!

2 weeks later he comes to me and says he is running short to pay his rent and that he would pay me the temporary child support in a lump sum at the middle of the month. Fine.

1 week later he comes back and says he needs to ask me a favor...he wants to move back in because he is short on his check for rent. I said NO. Well, then, can I borrow the money until 3 days from now? Fine.

I get 2/3rds of it back...his check is short again. And now he is telling me he won't give me the money for the bill he agreed to pay (I paid it otherwise my check was going to be garnished). Now he is into me for so much there is no way he can catch up! I am now working 3 jobs, taking care of the kids and I will do just fine!

Did I say ARGH?! Argh for me for falling back into his drama, his problems, being his enabler, taking on his responsibilities! ARGH.

Then last night he had the guts to tell me that I never gave him a chance. (I gave him so many chances it isn't funny!) But he said that I never threatened divorce before. If I had threatened divorce he would have taken me seriously!

I believed him for about 2 hours, feeling guilty, feeling like I HAD to take him back, having a major anxiety attack. Then it was time for me to take my medication. That was when it hit me...I am to blame for this. I allowed this to happen...I am allowing him to work his manipulation on me! I swolled my little pill and said NO MORE!

Anyway, still short $700 to pay for bills and groceries, but I will figure a way out of this one too! I've asked my HP for strength, perserverance, LOTS of energy and wisdom. I can't wait until tomorrow! A brand new day...gotta love that! Thanks for listening!

megamysterioso

Oh ((Tired))... why the heck would you lend this man money??? All I can say is that you can learn from this and you can see now where trusting in him has gotten you. I'm sorry for your struggle and tomorrow is a NEW day. Just be firm next time and say NO! It is not your problem. You have enough to deal with for crying out loud.

minnie

((((Tired))))

Funny how he made sure you're short on cash just after you said you needed to save for the divorce.

Great realisation there, hon. Awareness is the key and you've got it.

denny57

((tired))

yes, you do see what is going on. also, when he says you never threatened divorce before - well now you have and he still isn't doing anything about it!

Tiredx5

Mega: I know! Not one of my wiser moments here! next time I will do this to myself rather than repeat my actions!

I am always telling my kids there are consequences for our actions! I tend to forget that goes for me too...even though I am the mom!

Minnie: Exactly what I was thinking! (gee, she needs to save money, if I use it then she can't file)

Denny: Exactly! He moved out in February and to this day is still drinking. Hides it. Lies about it. No treatment, no AA, no nothing! HUMMMM...you all were right...actions do speak louder than words!

Thanks for your ear and support! I really needed it today! HUGS TO YOU ALL!

rivercitybelle

On the proactive side, you might want to see if there is a Legal Aid or such that you might qualify for. You can call the Bar Association and see if they can refer you to one.
Sounds like you might need to file a temporary support order so he can "budget" for his obligations. I know it's hard not to buy into his I need money - well so do you and your kids. Are you literally willing to take food from your children so he can drink?
You and your kids come first, stop, period, the end!

megamysterioso

Hi Tired. Yep- legal aid is a good idea. When you first started posting here, I noticed that you were getting ready to attend the Big Ten college where I graduated. I used their legal aid department to file my first divorce (ooooohh, that sounds bad- like "my first pair of sandals" or something lol). Anyhow, if you are a student there (maybe not even required), I would check with them first. I know that it saved me a bunch of money.

Don't beat yourself up over your decision to lend him the money! No frying pans please. Just take this as your final learning experience with him. I have no doubt that you will be all the wiser next time. We all make mistakes.

Tiredx5

Thanks River and Mega!
I actually did check into the UI's legal department, they no longer handle divorce cases. I also do not qualify for legal aide...I make too much money! LOL

I have found a lawyer, but the retaining fee is what is holding me back. I have an Ace I have been holding on to, but I may have to pull out. Mega, IC is a great place to live but you wouldn't recognize some of the areas...really starting to change.

mythreesons

Hi Tired, sorry you are going through all this... you sound very strong and confident, it is really nice to hear. You can actually file for a child support order while you are still married, even if you are living together. Also, here in NJ, all you have to do is file for divorce, cost $85 to file. You can draw up the stipulations yourself and the serve him the papers via certified mail. I would think Iowa had somewhat similar laws. This is a great site for free legal advice. www.laborlawtalk.com works very much the same as SR. Best of luck, stay strong and keep your greens in your own pocket! Hugs.