my story...in case anyone is interested
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 18
my story...in case anyone is interested
I'm 18 years old and I live in Chicago. For most of highschool I was proud to say that I never did drugs. It was a little hard for my growing up anyways...my sister is the "golden child" (full scholorship athlete....4.0 gpa...never did a drug in her life) so a lot of attention was focused on her.
I started a new job when I was 16 where I met a boy who smoked pot everyday. He asked if I did, and wanting to impress him, I said yes. I smoked with him one night, and I haven't really stopped since. It's led to other drugs (opium, hash, vicodin, ridilin, concerta, cocaine), but I mostly just smoke weed. And that's why I know some people don't take the addiction seriously.
I started dating a new guy this summer. His best friend was a dealer so I smoked whenever I wanted for free. I was smoking up to 10 times a day. Now I'm at like 3-5. Anyways, one night when I was using, I was taken advantage of by a boy at school that I didn't even know. I was too afraid to tell my boyfriend in fear of what he would do to the guy, but when he found out, we tried to stick it out, but he eventually ended it. Most of our mutual friends don't talk to me anymore. Since then I've been smoking more and more, but I want to stop. But when I'm sober and I think about him, all I can do is cry. Because I lost the one person who ever loved me and who I ever loved and I lost all my friends with it.
All the friends I do have left at school all use and it's hard to get away from. I'm not very good at making new friends either, so I don't really know how to approach those that I know don't use. I'm afraid they'll dislike me because of my addiciton.
Ideally, I just want to move and start over. But I can't, and so I'm back where I started. I want help, but I don't want my parents to know and I don't really have any friends in the area who don't use for support. I don't know how I can do it alone.
I started a new job when I was 16 where I met a boy who smoked pot everyday. He asked if I did, and wanting to impress him, I said yes. I smoked with him one night, and I haven't really stopped since. It's led to other drugs (opium, hash, vicodin, ridilin, concerta, cocaine), but I mostly just smoke weed. And that's why I know some people don't take the addiction seriously.
I started dating a new guy this summer. His best friend was a dealer so I smoked whenever I wanted for free. I was smoking up to 10 times a day. Now I'm at like 3-5. Anyways, one night when I was using, I was taken advantage of by a boy at school that I didn't even know. I was too afraid to tell my boyfriend in fear of what he would do to the guy, but when he found out, we tried to stick it out, but he eventually ended it. Most of our mutual friends don't talk to me anymore. Since then I've been smoking more and more, but I want to stop. But when I'm sober and I think about him, all I can do is cry. Because I lost the one person who ever loved me and who I ever loved and I lost all my friends with it.
All the friends I do have left at school all use and it's hard to get away from. I'm not very good at making new friends either, so I don't really know how to approach those that I know don't use. I'm afraid they'll dislike me because of my addiciton.
Ideally, I just want to move and start over. But I can't, and so I'm back where I started. I want help, but I don't want my parents to know and I don't really have any friends in the area who don't use for support. I don't know how I can do it alone.
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Pasadena, CA
Posts: 1,539
I started smoking pot at 15, never stopped for over 25 years.
You can get a huge break in your life now, and take action.
You sound sick and tired of the way you are living.
Nobody should have to go thru what you are!
Try these links: http://www.chicagona.org/
http://aihc1998.tripod.com/drugs.html
There are lots of people your age sober, you have simply not met them yet.
Stick around, as I mentiond, stay with Chy.
Tom
You can get a huge break in your life now, and take action.
You sound sick and tired of the way you are living.
Nobody should have to go thru what you are!
Try these links: http://www.chicagona.org/
http://aihc1998.tripod.com/drugs.html
There are lots of people your age sober, you have simply not met them yet.
Stick around, as I mentiond, stay with Chy.
Tom
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Welcome Eleanor. Have you thought of going to an NA meeting? It's a good place to start and also to make new friends who don't use.
I'm not an addict, my son is, but I've been around this disease long enough to know that it isn't going to get any better for you until you are ready to reach out for help, and I think you just did that here. So you're already on your way, and I know others will be along to share their stories with you and offer suggestions that may help you deal with this.
Hugs and prayers,
I'm not an addict, my son is, but I've been around this disease long enough to know that it isn't going to get any better for you until you are ready to reach out for help, and I think you just did that here. So you're already on your way, and I know others will be along to share their stories with you and offer suggestions that may help you deal with this.
Hugs and prayers,
Member
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Charlotte,NC
Posts: 167
Originally Posted by EleanorRigby
Ideally, I just want to move and start over. But I can't, and so I'm back where I started. I want help, but I don't want my parents to know and I don't really have any friends in the area who don't use for support. I don't know how I can do it alone.
If you go to a school, you will meet new friends and have the opportunity to seek help without anybody knowing about it. Class schedules are flexible and there will no doubt be programs available for addictions that you can fit in. If you are unable to go away to a school, Harvard on Halstead ain't a bad institution to attend.
Good luck in life.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 18
I'm in college now. UIC. All my friends here smoke. And I already signed up to room with my friend next year...she smokes too...and I'm afraid to back out of it becuase she is a good friend and I don't want to loose her, but I won't be able to stop living with her I don't think.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: On a Boat in the Gulf
Posts: 308
Believe in God? Go to church and get into a youth group. Sure some of them too smoke out but more doesnt than does.
Then you wont have to make friends. They are already waiting for you to come.
Remember when meeting people, your life IS NOT an open book. Be careful what and whom you tell. As you get older you'll realize parasites linger near you to aquire ammo.
Also remember, noone understand addiction except addicts. Reach out to people who have been there. Not lil punks around campus that probably still dont wipe their butt well.
Then you wont have to make friends. They are already waiting for you to come.
Remember when meeting people, your life IS NOT an open book. Be careful what and whom you tell. As you get older you'll realize parasites linger near you to aquire ammo.
Also remember, noone understand addiction except addicts. Reach out to people who have been there. Not lil punks around campus that probably still dont wipe their butt well.
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: SYDNEY NSW
Posts: 156
Eleanor honey, you have learnt a great lesson early in life. You sound intelligent and mature, but keep smoking for much longer, that may change.
My junior years were spent wrestling formica toilet bowels. I had friends that were addicted to alcohol and pot at twelve. Yet, it took another twelve years before I fell.
Hence low self esteem and self-hatred.
Yet, I know that you are so much better than that.
Girl, fight it.
PM me if you have problems.
My junior years were spent wrestling formica toilet bowels. I had friends that were addicted to alcohol and pot at twelve. Yet, it took another twelve years before I fell.
Hence low self esteem and self-hatred.
Yet, I know that you are so much better than that.
Girl, fight it.
PM me if you have problems.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: The Big Woods
Posts: 521
Oh EleanorRigby, it's like a flashback reading your story. Geez, I even lived in Chicago early in life. Except I, not my sister, was the presumed golden child, which makes it harder still to be honest about drug use. Stil, like you, I didn't start until after high school into college...where it then came to me for free. And all my friends used. And my parents couldn't find out and I had no support and couldn't risk letting anyone know. It's all familiar to me. If you want to see a flash-forward read my posts. I'm just now, after 2 decades of using and hiding, trying to find a way out of daily smoking and monthly tripping. The PRIMARY discovery I'm making that's oh-so-slowly being realized, is I cannot do this alone. You're clearly a very intelligent, contemplative, and sensitive individual. Inside your head you can figure out ways to rationalize your use until the cows come home. Man, those cows can loiter out there in the field for a looong time unless they have a reason to come home. You have visible potential in a strong mind, it radiates through in your writing. Surely you know your purpose on this earth is not to cry over a lost boyfriend and smoke yourself into escape-zone. He's just one love experience . You can do better. Don't settle. I wish you well in discovering your REASON for living, and that you may live a happy life.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Newark,DE
Posts: 404
Hi ER,
Welcome to SR, Thanks for sharaing your story with us. You will find lots of friends here.
I have a special affection for Chicago, I met my wife there, my life has not been the same since.
Hope to hear lots more good things from you!
S
Welcome to SR, Thanks for sharaing your story with us. You will find lots of friends here.
I have a special affection for Chicago, I met my wife there, my life has not been the same since.
Hope to hear lots more good things from you!
S
Member
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Charlotte,NC
Posts: 167
[QUOTE=EleanorRigby]
I'm in college now. UIC.
[QUOTE]
Hope things are going well. I gotta ask something. Is the Maxwell Street Hot Dog
stand still open? I've heard conflicting reports whether or not it is still in business. I used to stop there all the time back in the day. Especially when I had the munchies. Good luck to you.
I'm in college now. UIC.
[QUOTE]
Hope things are going well. I gotta ask something. Is the Maxwell Street Hot Dog
stand still open? I've heard conflicting reports whether or not it is still in business. I used to stop there all the time back in the day. Especially when I had the munchies. Good luck to you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Shelby, Mt
Posts: 5
congratulations you are already futher into your recovery than you know, you've already admitted you have a problem with drugs!!! Good job.
As for wanting help from your parents and not wanting them to know about your addiction beleive me they already know sweetie. I am a parent of a teenage addict and I knew deep in my heart she had a real problem, the problem was; I didn't want to admit it because than that would make it real. It's amazing once someone, anyone can actually say the words outloud, that's when the healing begans for everyone. My advice is reach out to your parents, let them help you.
As for wanting help from your parents and not wanting them to know about your addiction beleive me they already know sweetie. I am a parent of a teenage addict and I knew deep in my heart she had a real problem, the problem was; I didn't want to admit it because than that would make it real. It's amazing once someone, anyone can actually say the words outloud, that's when the healing begans for everyone. My advice is reach out to your parents, let them help you.
Putting it all together
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: St. Louis, MO.
Posts: 469
I have a question for you........
Originally Posted by EleanorRigby
I don't believe in God and have never been to church. But the ideaof joining something is a good idea.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 18
Irish...sorry but I don't know if it's open. I've never heard of it, I don't eat hot dogs.
As for why I don't believe in God...I just wasn't raised that way. I respect religion, but I've just never been around it myself. I'm one of those poeple that has to see to believe. But I respect your belief in God and I hope you respect mine.
As for why I don't believe in God...I just wasn't raised that way. I respect religion, but I've just never been around it myself. I'm one of those poeple that has to see to believe. But I respect your belief in God and I hope you respect mine.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Chapel Hill, NC
Posts: 2,274
How does the Beatles song Elanor Rigby go? Ahhh...look at all the lonely people
That's what addiction ultimately does to all of us. I thought I was doing it to have friends, but I ultimately felt more and more alone, even around lots of people. I, too, quit in college, which was difficult, but doable. I found that I needed to make new friends, and I did in NA. I have made more friends (and better ones) in NA than I have anywhere else before. You have a chance to quit using drugs now before you waste four years of college getting stoned. Give NA chance--it saved my life and could save yours too.
That's what addiction ultimately does to all of us. I thought I was doing it to have friends, but I ultimately felt more and more alone, even around lots of people. I, too, quit in college, which was difficult, but doable. I found that I needed to make new friends, and I did in NA. I have made more friends (and better ones) in NA than I have anywhere else before. You have a chance to quit using drugs now before you waste four years of college getting stoned. Give NA chance--it saved my life and could save yours too.
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