Does anyone else's life feel like a bad CW song?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: North America
Posts: 60
Does anyone else's life feel like a bad CW song?
So here is the pattern.
My AH spent the first six years of our marriage in denial about his alcoholism. We went to counseling and he lied to me and the counselors every time.
I caught him drinking and driving around with our sons when they were babies, so I said GET OUT. He enrolled in an out-patient treatment program and stopped drinking. We worked on the marriage and somehow I pit it behind me.
He abstained for five years. He then relapsed, with the alcoholic thinking beginning about two years before the full-fledged relapse.
After several chances over the course of many months, again, I say GET OUT. He moved out and spiraled down. He drank a lot, started gambling, saw prostitutes, and lost his job. All the time we were trying to put our family back together.
One year after moving out, he finally hit bottom then went to a residential treatment program. And there he hooked up with another addict, although I was blissfully unaware of this. He got out, moved into an apartement three blocks away, and we went into counslling again. Again he lied.
Finally, he told me that he is "in love" with the OW and is living with her. So after sixteen years of marriage, we are now getting a divorce.
When I actually look at this, it makes me laugh. It seems like a BAAAAD country-western song.
I feel like I am just waiting for the rest of the drama to play out. The break-up of my AH and his roomate. The relapse. The pain for me and my children, all over again... Is this really MY life?
Does anyone else out there feel like they too are stuck in a telenovela (soap opera)?
My AH spent the first six years of our marriage in denial about his alcoholism. We went to counseling and he lied to me and the counselors every time.
I caught him drinking and driving around with our sons when they were babies, so I said GET OUT. He enrolled in an out-patient treatment program and stopped drinking. We worked on the marriage and somehow I pit it behind me.
He abstained for five years. He then relapsed, with the alcoholic thinking beginning about two years before the full-fledged relapse.
After several chances over the course of many months, again, I say GET OUT. He moved out and spiraled down. He drank a lot, started gambling, saw prostitutes, and lost his job. All the time we were trying to put our family back together.
One year after moving out, he finally hit bottom then went to a residential treatment program. And there he hooked up with another addict, although I was blissfully unaware of this. He got out, moved into an apartement three blocks away, and we went into counslling again. Again he lied.
Finally, he told me that he is "in love" with the OW and is living with her. So after sixteen years of marriage, we are now getting a divorce.
When I actually look at this, it makes me laugh. It seems like a BAAAAD country-western song.
I feel like I am just waiting for the rest of the drama to play out. The break-up of my AH and his roomate. The relapse. The pain for me and my children, all over again... Is this really MY life?
Does anyone else out there feel like they too are stuck in a telenovela (soap opera)?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: sewell nj
Posts: 5
Absolutely!!!!!!
That is almost my story. I definitely feel like I am living in a really bad low budget movie. It is so easy to sit and wait for the sh**t to hit the fan and feel sad and sorry. I have been going to meetings for MYSELF and for my kids. I am slowly learning how to "detach" and let things be. My husband thought he fell in love at rehab also. From what I hear, this is common. He is now 90 days clean and working on himself...w/out myself and our children. It was hard at first, and still is at times, but I do finally realize that I can't "fix" him or our marriage, I can only work on "fixing" myself...that is one thing I do control at this point. I will work on being happy, so that I am content with ME, with or without him! Lots of hope for you...focus on you and your children. hugs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: North America
Posts: 60
Is your AH still with the OW?
I, too, am focusing on myself, and many days I feel like it had to happen. But today I just feel really sad. I am just trying to get through the pain. It will pass and tomorrow I have a full day of spiritual work. I just wanted to know if others lives had followed a similar pattern.
I, too, am focusing on myself, and many days I feel like it had to happen. But today I just feel really sad. I am just trying to get through the pain. It will pass and tomorrow I have a full day of spiritual work. I just wanted to know if others lives had followed a similar pattern.
One brief hour...
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Anywhere, USA
Posts: 1,412
No, b/c I've only been married for 3 1/2 years and refuse to wake up 10 years from now with the same feelings I have today. Although our days have been littered with "drama" that would probably not exist for the presence of addiction, we have not reached full soap opera status- only Jerry Springer episode status (which is bad enough). I refuse to stay in this long enough for it to become an expected, predictable story-line.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: over yonder
Posts: 1,548
You didn't get an answer on "Is your AH still with Ow??
I have not lived thru this, but from many threads on here it seems pretty common.
They the A's have a terrible time when they try to recover, it is a whole new rotton, cold world that they are sure they can't live in. Just my thought, but they grab onto any thing they think is a lifeline, someone that understands. Again just my thought but this OW doesn't know his faults, she can feed his EGO and pride etc, like SO can't do cause they know we know all their failures and faults,all the bad stuff, foolish dumb things they ever did. They want us to see our Knight in them, and adore them, think they are right. Might can do if no childern..
Although doesn't seem they are sensitive , but I feel they remember every nasty word we said, every critisim, every dirty look, every time we refused sex, everything that could or might hurt even very slightly. They do not see or remember any of their faults, but SO has every fault in the book. Alcohol does this.
Both have anger, hurt, resentments, etc. Takes a lot of work.
This is not encourging, and just my thoughts, there is always hope for soberity and for love as long as they are still breathing. Just dont expect anything. Perhaps plan to be OK, without him.
There isn't any black and white, in any relationship. (I hated learning that, I still want black and white).
Read all these posts, we have several on here that have gone thru this. Even several men. but think they have stopped posting now. It is pure Hell. HUGS
I have not lived thru this, but from many threads on here it seems pretty common.
They the A's have a terrible time when they try to recover, it is a whole new rotton, cold world that they are sure they can't live in. Just my thought, but they grab onto any thing they think is a lifeline, someone that understands. Again just my thought but this OW doesn't know his faults, she can feed his EGO and pride etc, like SO can't do cause they know we know all their failures and faults,all the bad stuff, foolish dumb things they ever did. They want us to see our Knight in them, and adore them, think they are right. Might can do if no childern..
Although doesn't seem they are sensitive , but I feel they remember every nasty word we said, every critisim, every dirty look, every time we refused sex, everything that could or might hurt even very slightly. They do not see or remember any of their faults, but SO has every fault in the book. Alcohol does this.
Both have anger, hurt, resentments, etc. Takes a lot of work.
This is not encourging, and just my thoughts, there is always hope for soberity and for love as long as they are still breathing. Just dont expect anything. Perhaps plan to be OK, without him.
There isn't any black and white, in any relationship. (I hated learning that, I still want black and white).
Read all these posts, we have several on here that have gone thru this. Even several men. but think they have stopped posting now. It is pure Hell. HUGS
Not a bad place to be....
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: LOUISIANA
Posts: 179
My AH has decided to move in with another A that he met in his AA group and for the first couple of days, I was devastated, but then after I calmed down a little and really thought about what had happened...?? I almost became elated because I realized this is what I've been praying for. On the web site gettingthemsober.com, it says it is very difficult to lose an alcoholic or get rid of one. I have been trying to give this guy the boot for two years and I just kept taking him back for another worthless try at our marriage. He looked at me yesterday point black and said "Please don't ruin this for me", meaning his new relationship. I just laughed at him. He wasn't amused. I said "I would NEVER ruin this for you. I want this for you and I give you guys my blessing". Yes I wanted to knock the crap out of him, but instead I can sit back and relax and enjoy mine and my son's life now and know that he's gonna get his and I don't have to do anything but sit back and enjoy life. He is leaving me for an alcoholic/addict (who is in recovery however), who ran into the back of a vehicle and killed a mother and her 6 year old daughter. You can imagine how emotionally scarring that's got to be for her. He always told counselors that he was so greatful to me because I "rescued him". Now he has an opportunity to "rescue" someone because I didn't need rescuing, so he sort of felt empty with me. He needed someone to feed his ego and she is doing this for him and he for her. Hopefully they don't kill each other. The one thing I know is that before a year is up, this man will be trying to get in touch with me and thanks to Al-Anon, open AA, lots and lots of books, church, and God, friends, and family, I will have grown to the point of when I see this man, I will think "What in the world did I ever see in someone like that?"
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: sewell nj
Posts: 5
To answer your question if AH is still with other woman...I don't know what he is doing. And today, I can say I don't care. I feel different day to day, I am hurt and angry. But, I look at my children, and our situation, and I realize, that while it does in fact hurt...I will get through this. I know I did all I could for our marriage, it's out of my hands. I am learning to be happy with myself. I am still new to all of this, but meetings, prayers, and SR help me get through my days. You will get through this and know what is right for YOU and your children. Bernadette
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: North America
Posts: 60
Today I have already been crying. But in some ways that is cleansing. I guess I have just been waiting for the rest of the story line to finish.
However, I do have choices and I do not have to be a part of this story any more. But how do you all deal with the guilt when you think of the A in your life actually hurting him/her self?
The break-up of my AH and his roomate. The relapse. The pain for me and my children, all over again.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: MN
Posts: 29
Speaking of soap operas (I'd never heard the term "telenovella" before, but it sure fits!)...ya know how the bad guy always dies, but then isn't really dead, and turns up time after time, ALIVE again? Well...that's how the drinking has become at our house. My AH "relapses to sobriety" now and again, for a very short period, then "comes to his senses" and starts drinking again. And as for country western song titles...how about "Honey, You're The Worm At The Bottom Of My Tequila", or "Southern Comfort Sweetheart"? (Just a little humor here 
Not a bad place to be....
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: LOUISIANA
Posts: 179
However, I do have choices and I do not have to be a part of this story any more. But how do you all deal with the guilt when you think of the A in your life actually hurting him/her self?[/QUOTE]
One day at a time. One day I'm crying and feel strong and some stupid song can come on the radio and instead of changing the station, I'll sit and listen to it until I start to cry because I want to remember for some odd reason, but then after the crying spell, I always get past it and then I'm okay again for awhile. But I can promise you that the good days are starting to outnumber and bad days. I can see it as time goes on and soon ... WOW, the phone just rang and I haven't heard from him in three days, since I found out he was living with the other woman. I am shaking right now! SEE! I was just writing you back and doing FINE and AH can call and I get all messed up. But I didn't answer the phone! That's a miracle in itself. I turned the phone off and I know he'll leave a message, so I have to make up my mind that I won't check it. Hum? That's gonna be hard! Hang in there, we'll get through this.
One day at a time. One day I'm crying and feel strong and some stupid song can come on the radio and instead of changing the station, I'll sit and listen to it until I start to cry because I want to remember for some odd reason, but then after the crying spell, I always get past it and then I'm okay again for awhile. But I can promise you that the good days are starting to outnumber and bad days. I can see it as time goes on and soon ... WOW, the phone just rang and I haven't heard from him in three days, since I found out he was living with the other woman. I am shaking right now! SEE! I was just writing you back and doing FINE and AH can call and I get all messed up. But I didn't answer the phone! That's a miracle in itself. I turned the phone off and I know he'll leave a message, so I have to make up my mind that I won't check it. Hum? That's gonna be hard! Hang in there, we'll get through this.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: North America
Posts: 60
BB,
Don't listen to the message. You're doing great and have certainly given me strength to get past this pain.
Do you ever feel guilty for your part in this telenovela? If so, what do you do to get past the feelings of remorse and the overwhelming desire to save them (again)?
((((Take care))))
IDK
Don't listen to the message. You're doing great and have certainly given me strength to get past this pain.
Do you ever feel guilty for your part in this telenovela? If so, what do you do to get past the feelings of remorse and the overwhelming desire to save them (again)?
((((Take care))))
IDK
Not a bad place to be....
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: LOUISIANA
Posts: 179
Originally Posted by Irondoorknob
BB,
Don't listen to the message. You're doing great and have certainly given me strength to get past this pain.
Do you ever feel guilty for your part in this telenovela? If so, what do you do to get past the feelings of remorse and the overwhelming desire to save them (again)?
((((Take care))))
IDK
Don't listen to the message. You're doing great and have certainly given me strength to get past this pain.
Do you ever feel guilty for your part in this telenovela? If so, what do you do to get past the feelings of remorse and the overwhelming desire to save them (again)?
((((Take care))))
IDK
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
