Locked up lastnight...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: On a Boat in the Gulf
Posts: 308
Locked up lastnight...
Hey Ya:ll
Ahhh the weekend, no hangovers, no waking up thinking where the hell am I OR worse, who the hell is that? lol
No waking and thinking about our actions lastnight and feeling like such a dumbass we never want to be seen again. How will we excuse our behavior this time? No more of that!
No more 'dude, wheres my car!'. It is parked nice and straight in the drive way exactly like you left it when you parked it sober.
We have the whole weekend to play, laugh and have fun with not a damned thing to feel bad about. No actions to be ashamed of and for the most part, a good feeling in our soul.
Best of all, none of you called me to bail you out so we all stayed clean yet another day! Noone got locked up, thats always a great thing.
Im proud of us all. Love SR and everyone here to pieces and I am so grateful most of us are doing so well. Those of you that arent, we will carry until you do.
Because I promise, you will one day walk tall, clean and sober if you arent today and truly want it. And when that fog clears reality is beautiful!
No matter what we have on our plate, the pain we fight which may have brought/kept us in addiction, we are alive. That is our reality and it is wonderful. As of this morning, we have beat the odds in that alone. I know I can say 'I cant believe I am still alive after doing that' and would bet high stakes almost all of us can say that. But we are and THATS reality.
((((SR))))
Ahhh the weekend, no hangovers, no waking up thinking where the hell am I OR worse, who the hell is that? lol
No waking and thinking about our actions lastnight and feeling like such a dumbass we never want to be seen again. How will we excuse our behavior this time? No more of that!
No more 'dude, wheres my car!'. It is parked nice and straight in the drive way exactly like you left it when you parked it sober.
We have the whole weekend to play, laugh and have fun with not a damned thing to feel bad about. No actions to be ashamed of and for the most part, a good feeling in our soul.
Best of all, none of you called me to bail you out so we all stayed clean yet another day! Noone got locked up, thats always a great thing.
Im proud of us all. Love SR and everyone here to pieces and I am so grateful most of us are doing so well. Those of you that arent, we will carry until you do.
Because I promise, you will one day walk tall, clean and sober if you arent today and truly want it. And when that fog clears reality is beautiful!
No matter what we have on our plate, the pain we fight which may have brought/kept us in addiction, we are alive. That is our reality and it is wonderful. As of this morning, we have beat the odds in that alone. I know I can say 'I cant believe I am still alive after doing that' and would bet high stakes almost all of us can say that. But we are and THATS reality.
((((SR))))
We all need each other.
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: The road of happy destiny.
Posts: 2,294
Thank you for that, BB. Beautiful post. You are right--even if we think we don't have anything to be grateful for, we are alive, and that is alot. Been stuggling a bit here, but I know what to do to keep myself on the right track.
Glad to hear you are doing well. This is a struggle, but it is so worth it!
Glad to hear you are doing well. This is a struggle, but it is so worth it!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: On a Boat in the Gulf
Posts: 308
LuLu:
When I was an active addict I was so happy and well-adjusted... so together -looks back at that and shakes her head at her own ignorance-
Then I got clean and like a flood gate emotions I havent dealth with in years took hold. Im not even to 90 days yet so this is something that came on really fast and with avengence.
My heart was so full of sorrow and I would hold my breath until passing out trying not to cry. Why did being clean hurt so much? I came here and told ya'll I was passing out to keep from crying.
I admitted I hadnt cried in 10 yrs and was literally scared to. Anna told me to go somewhere and CRY! She promised me I wouldnt loss it, I wouldnt ever cry to the point I couldnt stop. She made me feel safe enough to express such a human emotion.
I believed in her and I went to my room and cried. I sobbed. I cried from depths within myself I didnt even know existed. I cleansed.
I dont fight crying anymore, I am way better to myself these days. Im no longer scared to cry.
That day I made a break through as if I had cried it all out. From then to now, I cry but it isnt sorrow it is simply feeling. Im not in a state of constant sorrow either.
LuLu, if you ever need to reach out in private, Im here. Learning to cry was a skill I had to acquire. I lacked it before...even before I began using.
When I was an active addict I was so happy and well-adjusted... so together -looks back at that and shakes her head at her own ignorance-
Then I got clean and like a flood gate emotions I havent dealth with in years took hold. Im not even to 90 days yet so this is something that came on really fast and with avengence.
My heart was so full of sorrow and I would hold my breath until passing out trying not to cry. Why did being clean hurt so much? I came here and told ya'll I was passing out to keep from crying.
I admitted I hadnt cried in 10 yrs and was literally scared to. Anna told me to go somewhere and CRY! She promised me I wouldnt loss it, I wouldnt ever cry to the point I couldnt stop. She made me feel safe enough to express such a human emotion.
I believed in her and I went to my room and cried. I sobbed. I cried from depths within myself I didnt even know existed. I cleansed.
I dont fight crying anymore, I am way better to myself these days. Im no longer scared to cry.
That day I made a break through as if I had cried it all out. From then to now, I cry but it isnt sorrow it is simply feeling. Im not in a state of constant sorrow either.
LuLu, if you ever need to reach out in private, Im here. Learning to cry was a skill I had to acquire. I lacked it before...even before I began using.
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Highlands, TX
Posts: 1,192
Crying.............. ugh. I still hate to cry in front of people and I end up being upset or whatever emotion I'm crying about AND mad at myself for losing "control" in front of people. I'm still a work in progress.
But crying is SO cleansing to the soul. It is amazing how much better you feel if you can let it ALL out and quit trying to hold whatever it is inside of you. And it is WAY better than holding the feelings in and trying to stuff them down with your DOC (for me it was food and then it became alcohol).
Kellye
But crying is SO cleansing to the soul. It is amazing how much better you feel if you can let it ALL out and quit trying to hold whatever it is inside of you. And it is WAY better than holding the feelings in and trying to stuff them down with your DOC (for me it was food and then it became alcohol).
Kellye
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: On a Boat in the Gulf
Posts: 308
Its a shame we, as adults, were never given the opportunity as children to learn these basic, human functions.
I was taught to 'Dry it up girl'! Be strong! Nothing worth sheading a tear over.
Well, that may have gotten me through childhood (unhealthy) but its simply not true.... there are plenty of things worth crying about:
A cute babies laugh, thoughts of the way things could have been, the birth of a child in the family, someone close to you being mean... those are things that are suppose to make you cry.
Feeling sucks at first but then it is awesome. With good days and bad days in between and those get even further and further apart.
I was taught to 'Dry it up girl'! Be strong! Nothing worth sheading a tear over.
Well, that may have gotten me through childhood (unhealthy) but its simply not true.... there are plenty of things worth crying about:
A cute babies laugh, thoughts of the way things could have been, the birth of a child in the family, someone close to you being mean... those are things that are suppose to make you cry.
Feeling sucks at first but then it is awesome. With good days and bad days in between and those get even further and further apart.
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