brtprob

Hi everyone. Posted before but got tied up. I read the replies and I appreciate all the hello's. Looking forward to meeting (in a sense) some new friends. Got myself in a hole. I know there is a path out but not sure which route to take. I'm a six-packer + 22ounce Steel Reserve Black Can a night kinda guy. It's a love/hate relationship and I'm a solitary drinker. No bars, no people, just me and the T.V. after work. Thank you.

lulu70

Welcome back--Toward the end of my drinking I was primarily a sit-at-home drinker, too. Although I definitely had my stint in the bars. The solution I finally found was a residential treatment center followed by a continuing involvment in AA. Life is so much better now that I am sober. Hope you will keep posting!

brtprob

Thanks lulu70. I am here. It's a start.

chip

Hey brtprob-
I can relate to you and to Laura. I got to the point where I was a "stay at home" drinker. In fact, right before I quit, I was a "draft beer guy in the garage" sort of drinker. Nobody really knew how much I drank...including me (denial). I supose the U-Brew-It place knew because I was picking up a keg every week.

You are here, and it is a start. You arn't alone, and you don't have to be alone. This is a great place to *talk* about stuff. I hope you find what you are looking for here.
chip

Slowbriety

how long you gotta wait till you can drink it?

Beachbabe

Hun:

Im not much of a drinker but I can remember a time I was. It was about 5 yrs ago and I had just gotten married, moved, fell in love with my husband and his three babies (mommieless until me)... completely changed my life to marry. It was the right thing to do for me and my child and for my husband and his children. I could relocate easier and needed to anyway.

So some months went my and my husband and I went out alot. We were in LOVE! We drank and danced, laughed and sang and months continued by. This was easy because my boy is grown so he loves to keep his brothers.

It got to where I didnt need to be in a bar dancing with him and my friends to want to drink. Sometimes I would want to drink during the day and rather than day dreaming about it I one day left for lunch and drank while gone.

Driving back to work I remember thinking 'If this isnt wrong, why am I hiding it'? The act of hiding it scared the crap out of me so I didnt touch another drop for yrs. Now, getting a shot down is really hard, then it went down like water.

I was well on my way to being an alcoholic and didnt even see it creeping. I just want ALL alcoholics out there to know I have the upmost respect for ya'll. I cant go to Walgreens and score my DOC, its smeared in ya'lls faces everywhere you go. Im sorry you have to look at it.

I just wanted to reach out to you and ask you to stick to the board. I recommend some sort of group outside of SR for most but for me it seems to be helping/fullfilling me (thus far) with what I need. I always recommend a more face to face approach to others because only you know your level of commitment, not me. I know mine so Im not (yet) a 12 stepper but Im not writing off anything.

Hell, I'll yank the heads off all the baby dolls at Wal-Mart if some fool convinces me the act would somehow make this easier. Point is, nothing I wont do for my recovery, or anyone else's, if there is anything I can do.

Like mentioned above: Until you are ready, just hang out with us. Believe it or not, being clean eventually becomes something we want MORE than our DOC... I know... hard to imagine but true.

When you sit here and watch people get clean you begin to see their lives change before your eyes. Its so beautiful. One month they are walking on their knees and soon they are posting about a new job, car, relationship, good things seem to always happen to addicts when the fog clears. At least that has been my observation and experience.

chip

Slowbrity-
16 days. I had several batches on the go at once, and had them "help" me so I'd never run out. It was timed so I'd pick up a keg a week. I was killing myself with it.
chip

Chy

Yup that was me to! Loner, though I drank a tad more. But yup, yup, yup, a love hate relationship for sure! You going to end it? Or is it going to end you? So who's going to end it first? You think your a loner now, imagine it getting much, much worse. You can do this.

brtprob

So true! I can't tell you how many times I've been in the convenience store buying gas and (with no concious thought at all) walked over to the beer cases and get my nightly fix. That is what it is isn't it? A fix? Anyway, I drive away thinking; wouldn't it be nice if this crap was never discovered. Like I've said, it's a love/hate relationship. I enjoy catching a buzz but the downward spiral it brings after years and years is a real drag. Just 9 years ago I was in the best shape of my life, 190 lbs. An avid weight lifter. Went through a divorce that I did not want. Now I'm 235 with a gut. I have to force myself to go to the gym if at all. I'm divorced and my personal life just sucks. But, I do have two great kids.

jmhs002

Welcome back
I was an everyday drinker for many years. Being here is a good start. AA has helped me tremendously - scary to walk in, but great to be in a room full of people that 'get it'
Stick around
JMHS

ElegantlyWasted

Steel reserve.... yummmmmm! One of my favorites. High alcohol content that you can get everywhere (except probably Utah and a few other places). I ended up becomming more or less of a solitary drinker myself. This is a great place to star. Best of luck to ya. I just started AA and if you would like some insights into it let me know.

aloneagainor

Amazing thing about this site, the way it links the isolated/ isolating together in a way we can anonymously choose to engage with others, rather than disengage from it all. I think we gravitate toward hiding and solitude because it's most comfortable there. No judgment from the outside. We can even avoid looking at it ourselves if there's no outside perspective coming in. Addiction is a disease of perception. Oh can it get all-mightily distorted inside the confines of one's own addicted mind. Wherein we can justify/ rationalize most anything.

As it goes in writing here, I write to you as much as I do to myself. Being alone where I'm most comfortable, seeking out time to be alone so to indulge in my DoC freely, out of sight. Into escape zone. I thought it kept me sane! Really it's just feeding the addiction. Oh yes that side has grown strong. Others may not be able to see it so clearly, but we LIVING with the active addiction inside us certainly know it's there, it's apparent in every aspect of our lives, body, mind, spirit. Relationships. Living conditions. Employment. And so on. Hiding it FEEDS it. Exposing it to external light of the minds of others, particularly to the minds of other addicts, is a POWERFUL counteractive force to diminish the addict in you, and build strength in who YOU genuinely are.

Thanks for the prompt to write that. Connecting with others reassures us there is an alternate way of living/ thinking/ being. Keep on!