deadpickin

okay, to understand the present you must be aware of the past. my name is kim and i live with a widow of a little over a year. after her husbands sudden death, this widow almost died herself. she did not eat, only drank alcohol for almost 5 or 6 months. her condition was soo bad that she could not walk or even urinate like a normal human being for some time. she slowly has gotten better and her and her son both seemed to be doing fine. i moved in as a friend of the family. i needed a place to live and she was grateful for the help i brought with my staying. i am currently only 20 years old; she is much older than me and in fact was best friends with my mother growing up. over the past few weeks she has met a man, online i might add, and started drinking a beer every so often. this man drinks and tonight i have watched her consume almost a 6 pack. i know, only a 6 pack but this is coming from a woman who not even a year ago could not use listerine mouthwash becuase of it's alcohol content. i do not want her situation to grow and i do not want her 4 year old to go through anymore but i do not know how to confront her. she can be a very 'know it all, where do you get off telling me this' kind of a person sometimes. and i dont know if i should say anything to her family members because her and i are also friends... she keeps secrets for me. but this feels like a bigger situation. almost too big for me and i get angry just thinking about how stupid she is being as this online man sleeps in her bed upstairs. HELP! i dont know how to handle this and i need an adult opinion. thank you for your time. kim

Pick-a-name

Hi, Kim and welcome! People with good advice and more recovery than me will be along soon.

This is over your head (JMO)..........how did you come to live with her in the first place...via your mother? her family members? Maybe start with talking to them. Who/how was she intervened upon 6 months ago? My guess is that part of the reason you are there in the first place is that someone feared this would happen again and not only worried about her, but also her 4 year old. I'd say talk to them.

Good luck

megamysterioso

Hi Kim and welcome to SR. I'm sorry for your situation, but she has relapsed. "Just a six pack" to an alcoholic will turn into 12 or more in no time. It is a lot. The situation is really beyond your control and you as a 20 year woman with your whole life ahead of you do not need to be burdened with this. It will age you and suck the life out of you. You need to focus on yourself and trying to get yourself out of there. It should not be your responsibility as this beast is too big for anyone other than the alkie themselves to tame.

ranae1221

Hi Kim! I have been in a simular situtation as you......About 3 1/2 years ago (I was 22) I moved in with an older widowed lady. Her spouse had passed away and she now was renting out rooms to help her make ends meet. I needed a place to stay, however couldn't find a place I could afford and take my 2 cats. I met Shirley through a neighbor, and moved in. It was only to be temp. in the beginning. Well Shirley and I got very close, and I have since come to consider her my best friend/adopted grandmother/surrogate mom.

She had a boyfriend who lived down the street. She really cared for him, he was just using her. I knew this and I saw this, however I knew that if I said anything it would just turn her off and she wouldn't open up to me. She became very depressed, and began drinking wine. Enough wine to get drunk, plus she then took sleeping pills on top of that. She often said and did things when she was drunk that she later regretted. There really wasn't anything I could do or say. She was a grown woman making her own decisions. After some time we became close enough that she would open up to me and talk about this guy, talk about her depression and so on. In time I was able to "gently" talk to her about this and helped her realize that drinking was only making things worse. She eventually quit drinking, however it was because she wanted to, and she realized it was doing more harm than good. She also eventually realized that this guy was only using her, and although she still cared for him, she was able to let him go. It was really tough, but I had to realize that nothing I did or say was going to make her stop untill she was ready.

Was this the "right" thing to do, or the most healthy thing to do?? I don't know. But it is what I did.

I would recommend though that if her drinking and lifestyle choices are dangerous to the point that her 4 year old daughter is in danger, Child Protective Services may need to be called. They can be called annomyously (that's probally spelled wrong) and investigate to make sure the child is safe.