pmaslan

still affect me? Just when you get comfortable with not always
looking at the caller id...bamm....You can relate to this Jazzman...
John called tonight. Said he has been sober since his last incident
here in Chicago February 15th.
Bullsh#t!!! That man was drunk tonight no doubt in my mind.
Once again he proceded to take my inventory. An inventory that
has been upgraded since he last saw me 10 months ago.
Going on and on about how I have anger issues and how I need help.
No sh#t sherlock, that is why I have been in therapy for the last
year, while you were still in denial and continuing with your addiction.
He kept trying to talk over me and I guess I was doing the same to
him. Lettiing me know how crazy I am, ect....Yeah, I am crazy.
Am I the one living with my ex of 7 years, no job, no home, no car
driving my kid around in a intoxicated state....I think not.
I am also not a social worker as his ex is who is enabling this
behaviour and has been for the past 4 months. Yeah, I guess I
can see how I would be considered the crazy one.
Believe it or not I was calm when I was talking to him, I just wasn't
saying what he wanted to hear. I realize that everytime he is feeling
like a low life he calls me to blast me...just to let me know how insane I
am, then he picks up his bottle and feels good again...
When am I ever going to just say "f" it and hang up before he gets
the better of me. He ended the conversation if you can call it that with
"I just can't talk to you right now when you are like this" I said "Fine,
goodbye and hung up...yeah I hung up only 15 minutes later than
I should have...
Another sleepless night ahead I am afraid, damn him anyway...
When am I ever going to learn.............

cwohio

(((patty))) insanity - it hooks us sometimes! take a nice long bath and be glad he's not there with you!

pmaslan

So he is right then, I am crazy?????
I do really well for a few months then bang
like a thief in the night....
How long will I let myself be victimized....
I could just shake myself

cwohio

no, no - i meant HIS insanity! go easy on yourself - you may have been in a vulnerable place. ((patty))

pmaslan

Christie what sane person would let a 15 minute phone call
send her into orbit.....
This hold he has is almost satan like....
Frightening sometimes.....

pmaslan

You know it is so clear to me. Or at least I thought it was.
Apparently I thought I was further along in my recovery
than I really am.
I have got to snap out of it....
I really have come too far.
He is probably passed out right now
and won't even remember this tomorrow...
and I have taken a few steps back....
this really does suck....

cwohio

i know, i know - it's the cunning, baffling thing going on patty! breathe - ahhhhh!

pmaslan

Thanks Christie...with all the other stuff going on here the last few
days my pity party is inappropriate......I am stronger than this...
just been a hard few days.....thank you for all your support and hugs....

cwohio

we're allowed to get on the pot once in a while - just don't fall in ok?

LaTeeDa

I'm going to invent a caller id phone that projects the number BIG on the wall. Then you don't have to worry about checking it--it will be right there like a big-screen tv staring you in the face. And Patty, I want you to be in the first consumer focus group to test it, okay?

Deep breath, relax, and yes, be glad that he is far away.

(())

L

megamysterioso

Patty, sorry that he caught you offguard. Please try and get a good night's rest and don't let this one call make you doubt how strong you are and how far you've come. It's just the blatherings-on of a drunken man. You are NOT crazy, only a human being that felt the urge to defend herself. If there is a next time, you will hang up earlier than you did tonight. Hugs to you.

denny57

((patty))

i really think you need to look at this in a different light - if only to get some sleep tonight! you needed to have the conversation - why? who knows right now; but more will be revealed. you may need to have a couple more before you learn the lesson. what lesson? i don't know. but you are working things out, it's all part of the process. turn it around - stop beating yourself up and figure out what you still need to work on. don't say you're crazy - if you are, then i'm certified bonkers.

Cynay

ahhhh Patty.... Dont you dare do that to yourself.

You know what, I will get that phone too... but I want it to scream "RED FLAG"

Take a hot bath, maybe a tynol pm and stop beating yourself up, so this time was 15 mins..... that beats the last time he called you by leaps and bounds.... remember that time????

Hey.... have you thought of changing the number?

Minx1969

((((Patty)))) -

Progress not perfection ok?

You are not crazy...

Thank you...You have just made me incredibly grateful that the ex's in my life have mostly stayed away...Phew...

PS..I find that a gratitude list every morning helps with the pity pot..at least that's what's been helping me the last few days..

Jazzman

OMG!... I KNOW!!! They haven't called in months and months.... your guard is down.... the phone rings...
*damn, should I go get my glasses? (for old folks like me) Ah F it*....

Hello?

Bam!

Cynay is right, remember what happened last time? Don't beat yourself up.

I'm thinking the caller ID that displays a big red flag on the ceiling is a great idea! Or maybe it's time to go unlisted? If his calls affect you like this, I wish you would consider it.

ASpouse

Patty, this will all be OK ...... you can't constantly be vigilant about the phone, who is at your door etc. The best thing you can do is maybe ask him not to call anymore since his phone calls are not wanted? If he continues, can you change your number?

He's a drunk Patty ... try not to let his words affect you. I know, I know, easier said than done. Don't stoop to his level, he is a sad excuse for a human being.

sunshine003

I don't think you're crazy and of course, his drunkenness affects you. But to me, you just seem annoyed with him and frustrated knowing you can't exactly call it like you see it because he wouldn't "get it". That annoys the lot of us. But, the only one who is carrying it after the hang up is for sure, you. Like you said, he probably found relief in his bottle the second he hung up. So you find relief knowing you are only human and he doesn't know what he's talking about!

TexasGirl

Hi Patty,
IMO, you let it get to you because you used to love this man. Plain and simple. But somewhere along the way, you realized that love wasn't enough to tolerate living the way you were living. It takes a lot of courage to do that! But it doesn't mean that your feelings instantly disappeared. Each set back, each incident, each call, the feelings for him probably take up a little less room in your heart though. And then one day you are able to recall your relationship with a little bit of fondness. It's a process.

pmaslan

Sunshine Quote:
But to me, you just seem annoyed with him and frustrated knowing you can't exactly call it like you see it because he wouldn't "get it".

You got it!!!!
No matter how I rationalize it he won't get it. He CAN'T get it.
I had my finger on the reciever button about 5 minutes into it,
don't know why I didn't follow through at that moment and hang up.
I KNOW I can not talk to a drunk. I KNOW he doesn't get it.
I really do KNOW all of these things.
Cynay and Jazzman...you are both absolutely right. Last time I was
on the phone with him a couple of hours and planning a reunion with him.
I have come along way since then haven't I????
Changing my number isn't an option to me. I have had this number for 18
years about 15 longer than I have known John. He may have taken my
love, my heart, my trust but he will not take anything else from me.
I figure as long as I continue to take his calls even for only 5 minutes
I keep him in the picture. Eventually, as Denny and TG have pointed out
this will have an end too. In the mean time I love LaTeeDa's idea about the
caller id on the ceiling....Hey maybe you should bring that idea to that
new show "American Inventor" you will be loved by all codies worldwide!!!!

sunshine003

Maybe you don't hang up right away because a part of you is curious? maybe you still have a bit of hope that something has changed? maybe it's because you're nice? maybe it's because although you've moved on with your life, you haven't totally let go? I suppose it could be any number of reasons. Maybe you're strong, very strong but he brings out a weak side in you?

I don't suppose it matters much why you didn't just hang up or why you don't just say the words , "Do NOT call me anymore." then, if he calls and you answer, you say "I said don't call me" and then hang up. but there is a reason, one only you can figure out.

I know I take AH's calls all too often. I let the conversation go where it shouldn't and I always end up feeling like the crazy one. I sort of want him to tell me certain things....then he does and I can't accept it because I don't believe a word he says. So that doesn't make much sense does it?

My point is, maybe you could figure out why you can't/haven't told him to just not call or what it is you haven't let go of. Or maybe I'm way off. Maybe you could just envision what it would be like/feel like to have the conversation go another way and then next time, do it.