Rose56

Last night I was wathching a silly teenage TV show. During one part of the show two young people kissed. The kind of kiss where you feel the desire, longing, and hope of a new love. I felt such a feeling of opportunity gone by. I will never feel that kind of physical, mental, and spiritual attraction with someone fresh and new and perfect for me. Now I realize that this is part of the myth of our society, I am not sure this kind of love exists and I am sure that if it does that it doesn't last. But I think my feeling was about more than just first love - it was feeling the loss because I have lived my life mostly in fear and not in genuine response to the environment. I don't think I ever allowed myself to genuinely love someone based on true response to them as a human being, but I have always judged who would I be if that person liked me. What would that say about me, that so and so liked or loved me. So if someone of worth loved me that would mean that I am loveable. I know this is the old low self esteem thing but it feels fresh to me. I still have not developed the ability to decide what I like and what I don't, the ability to truely respond to the world as just me.

Gabe

incorporating stories and myths into my "idea" about what love is. I recently purchased the '60's version of Rogers and Hammerstein's "Cinderella" on videotape. I think I need to re-read "The Cinderella Complex" because that musical planted some deep seeds in my heart about what love is, and they are all myths. Love isn't Prince Charming finding a beautiful princess among the ashes. That is just a story. But I think I spent a lot of years waiting for Prince Charming to come and rescue me.
I think that love is the greatest thing in the world, in whatever form it takes. Sometimes, it's romantic love. Sometimes it's love between parent and child. Sometimes, it's love between friends. Whatever it is, if you have it in your life, hold it close and cherish it every day.
Peace,
Gabe
"Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantement, it is as perrenial as the grass."
- Desiderata

Ann

Rose

You ARE lovable. You are one of the sweetest, brightest, most compassionate and sensitive people I have met on these boards.
You have a sense of humour, and know how to survive hardships with your dignity in tact. My guess is that most people who know you in person, like you and value you as a friend.

The trick is learning to love yourself. And you can't love yourself until you really know WHO you are. Something that helped me with this was making "me" lists. I listed all my good qualities, and why I thought I was special. I listed all the things that I really liked about my life, and I listed goals to change my part in the things I didn't like. I listed all the things I would like to do with my life and why, and even picked a couple of "dreams" to work on. My she-devil sponsor made me do this, and it really helped.

I think we have been codependent so long that we have lost sight of who we really are. And we learn that we are blessed children of God, worthy of love and respect.