Professional Drinker
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Location, Location
Posts: 31
Professional Drinker
So I guess I'm here; maybe it's a good thing. I've known I'm an alcoholic, or 'Professional Drinker' as I like to say, for quite some time but it seems I've started to care lately. Or, perhaps, I *want* to care. My dad was much older than me before he finally quit. Maybe I'm smarter, or given the obvious genetics, maybe I'm dumber.
With or without alcohol, the future looks frightening. I know that I'm facing the rest of my life without my best friend - my medicine. Or, I'm facing the rest of my soon-to-be-short-life *with* my best friend - my medicine. In fact, some years ago, I used to get a perverse kick out of going to Rite-Aids to buy booze. It seemed appropriate.
Not to get too much into stories about my exploits - not right now - but I'd like to ask, am I the only one who keeps liquor stores on rotation so as not to alarm the clerks? One day I'll buy from store #1, then next time I'll go to store #2, and so on. I probably drink 3-4 times as much as the clerks think. It really sucks when I go to a branch of the same franchise and see an employee who normally works at another. Drat!
Similar topic: I'm sitting at my usual watering hole one night and a substitute bartender is working for whatever reason. I ask for a beer and a shot of Beam. He can't find the Beam and I mention that it's located in the well just in front of me. He says 'How embarrassing - for both of us!'
Anyway, I've got a thousand anecdotes, funny stories, and increasingly shameful tales. I'm sure you do as well. I hope you do, after-all, that's why I decided to show up. I guess I want to feel that I'm not particularly special; that I'm not the only one that fell into this black hole. Did I fall or was I drawn into it by it's immense gravity?
Thanks for reading! If I post regularly then you'll probably have to get used to plenty of sarcasm, dark humor, and Nihilism in general. Good luck to everyone.
With or without alcohol, the future looks frightening. I know that I'm facing the rest of my life without my best friend - my medicine. Or, I'm facing the rest of my soon-to-be-short-life *with* my best friend - my medicine. In fact, some years ago, I used to get a perverse kick out of going to Rite-Aids to buy booze. It seemed appropriate.
Not to get too much into stories about my exploits - not right now - but I'd like to ask, am I the only one who keeps liquor stores on rotation so as not to alarm the clerks? One day I'll buy from store #1, then next time I'll go to store #2, and so on. I probably drink 3-4 times as much as the clerks think. It really sucks when I go to a branch of the same franchise and see an employee who normally works at another. Drat!
Similar topic: I'm sitting at my usual watering hole one night and a substitute bartender is working for whatever reason. I ask for a beer and a shot of Beam. He can't find the Beam and I mention that it's located in the well just in front of me. He says 'How embarrassing - for both of us!'
Anyway, I've got a thousand anecdotes, funny stories, and increasingly shameful tales. I'm sure you do as well. I hope you do, after-all, that's why I decided to show up. I guess I want to feel that I'm not particularly special; that I'm not the only one that fell into this black hole. Did I fall or was I drawn into it by it's immense gravity?
Thanks for reading! If I post regularly then you'll probably have to get used to plenty of sarcasm, dark humor, and Nihilism in general. Good luck to everyone.
We all need each other.
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: The road of happy destiny.
Posts: 2,294
Hello Ghost! Welcome to SR. Glad you found us. Sounds like you will fit right in!!!
You are most definitely not the only one to have fallen into the abyss of addiction. There are quite literally thousands of us right here. We also know about the fear that comes when you realize you cannot live with alcohol, nor imagine life without it. Take it from me, if you can find a way to walk through that fear and come out on the other side, you will find that not only is there life after alcohol, it is a life that is infinitely better.
I hope you will hang out for a while and definitely keep posting!!!
You are most definitely not the only one to have fallen into the abyss of addiction. There are quite literally thousands of us right here. We also know about the fear that comes when you realize you cannot live with alcohol, nor imagine life without it. Take it from me, if you can find a way to walk through that fear and come out on the other side, you will find that not only is there life after alcohol, it is a life that is infinitely better.
I hope you will hang out for a while and definitely keep posting!!!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Charlotte,NC
Posts: 167
Originally Posted by GhostInTheRuins
Anyway, I've got a thousand anecdotes, funny stories, and increasingly shameful tales. I'm sure you do as well. I hope you do, after-all, that's why I decided to show up.
Hope you find the wherewithal to quit drinking before it's too late. The funny
falling down drunk stories turn into shaking like a leaf in bed going through withdrawl tales faster than you will know it.
Good luck.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome....
Big Book link...
http://www.aa.org/?Media=PlayFlash
It's great to see a new member...we understand.
Big Book link...
http://www.aa.org/?Media=PlayFlash
It's great to see a new member...we understand.
Living and Loving.
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Saratoga, California
Posts: 475
Hi Ghost and welcome!
Yeah, I too felt like the clerks at the liquor store might be noticing how often they saw me. They probably did but my fear of it was paranoia for certain. That's something alcoholics and other substance addicted people experience. Kind of the "norm" for us I think.
It's good you have realized your issue with alcohol. Coming from alcoholic backgrounds you would think that we (myself included) would know better than to even experiment with alcohol but I always felt invincible and that it wouldn't happen to me because I didn't have an issue with alcohol for so long - or so I thought. That's part of the disease though. You think you have a handle on it when it has a handle on you like a vice grip. Once it has you man-o-man is it hard to give it up.
I look forward to seeing your posts.
Suga
Yeah, I too felt like the clerks at the liquor store might be noticing how often they saw me. They probably did but my fear of it was paranoia for certain. That's something alcoholics and other substance addicted people experience. Kind of the "norm" for us I think.
It's good you have realized your issue with alcohol. Coming from alcoholic backgrounds you would think that we (myself included) would know better than to even experiment with alcohol but I always felt invincible and that it wouldn't happen to me because I didn't have an issue with alcohol for so long - or so I thought. That's part of the disease though. You think you have a handle on it when it has a handle on you like a vice grip. Once it has you man-o-man is it hard to give it up.
I look forward to seeing your posts.
Suga
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Chapel Hill, NC
Posts: 2,274
Ghostintheruins:
I can't tell from your post whether you want to stop drinking or are just cynically resigned to your fate. It's never too late to try a new way of life. Posting here is a good start. I suggest you try some AA meetings. You might just find something to believe besides nihilism. I did--and it saved my life.
I can't tell from your post whether you want to stop drinking or are just cynically resigned to your fate. It's never too late to try a new way of life. Posting here is a good start. I suggest you try some AA meetings. You might just find something to believe besides nihilism. I did--and it saved my life.
NA Rocks!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Location Location
Posts: 517
Originally Posted by GhostInTheRuins
... He says 'How embarrassing - for both of us!'
Hope you'll stick around.
Kelly
New things have come to light
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Downtown Nashville , TN
Posts: 306
Thanks for reading! If I post regularly then you'll probably have to get used to plenty of sarcasm, dark humor, and Nihilism in general.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: not here
Posts: 6
"Not to get too much into stories about my exploits - not right now - but I'd like to ask, am I the only one who keeps liquor stores on rotation so as not to alarm the clerks? One day I'll buy from store #1, then next time I'll go to store #2, and so on. I probably drink 3-4 times as much as the clerks think. It really sucks when I go to a branch of the same franchise and see an employee who normally works at another. Drat!"
As serious as alcoholism is, I just had to laugh at the above paragraph--especially the part about seeing the same employee at a different branch! I did the EXACT same thing, occasionally traveling over an hour each way to find a different store.
My story--I was a very, very good closet drinker, mother of 4 teenagers, wife of an MD.
It finally dawned on me one morning (after my usual vomiting followed by eye-opener shots of vodka, then nap) that I was in serious trouble, and more so, was missing out on what is now the most enjoyable time in my life. (And I have had a pretty good life.) On a sudden impulse, I annouced to my husband (when he came home for lunch--small town) that I was an alcoholic. After spending several minutes convincing him that I was not joking, things changed dramatically in my life. Ten minutes later I was in a hospital bed, hooked up to an IV. I was there for four days. My husband describe what was going on to our children and they cheerfully visited everyday, staying for hours. They were frequently in the room when my personal physicial came in to discuss my present situation and my future. The secret was now out and I felt like a 10 ton load was off my back.
The next few months were followed by intensive outpatient therapy and major family support. I tried AA for 6 months but knew from the beginnning that this wasn't my style. I eventually found my own way with the help of antidepressents, my physician, and a psychiatrist. At times it was very,very hard and at other times surprisingly easy.
My sobriety started Aug '04. (I had one LARGE vodka drink 6 months into sobriety that made me feel awful physically and mentally--it was a positive event). I don't count days of sobriety. I live each day sober (good and bad) and focus on the present and the future (but I never become overconfident!)
Take a chance and make a drastic change in your life. It will be hard but worth it. It wasn't until a year into sobriety that I truely became comfortable with my new life, so be patient.
One more note: YOU CANNOT DO THIS ALONE! I tried hundreds of times. I pride myself on my independence but finally had to ask for help. Best decision I ever made.
good luck--
jane
As serious as alcoholism is, I just had to laugh at the above paragraph--especially the part about seeing the same employee at a different branch! I did the EXACT same thing, occasionally traveling over an hour each way to find a different store.
My story--I was a very, very good closet drinker, mother of 4 teenagers, wife of an MD.
It finally dawned on me one morning (after my usual vomiting followed by eye-opener shots of vodka, then nap) that I was in serious trouble, and more so, was missing out on what is now the most enjoyable time in my life. (And I have had a pretty good life.) On a sudden impulse, I annouced to my husband (when he came home for lunch--small town) that I was an alcoholic. After spending several minutes convincing him that I was not joking, things changed dramatically in my life. Ten minutes later I was in a hospital bed, hooked up to an IV. I was there for four days. My husband describe what was going on to our children and they cheerfully visited everyday, staying for hours. They were frequently in the room when my personal physicial came in to discuss my present situation and my future. The secret was now out and I felt like a 10 ton load was off my back.
The next few months were followed by intensive outpatient therapy and major family support. I tried AA for 6 months but knew from the beginnning that this wasn't my style. I eventually found my own way with the help of antidepressents, my physician, and a psychiatrist. At times it was very,very hard and at other times surprisingly easy.
My sobriety started Aug '04. (I had one LARGE vodka drink 6 months into sobriety that made me feel awful physically and mentally--it was a positive event). I don't count days of sobriety. I live each day sober (good and bad) and focus on the present and the future (but I never become overconfident!)
Take a chance and make a drastic change in your life. It will be hard but worth it. It wasn't until a year into sobriety that I truely became comfortable with my new life, so be patient.
One more note: YOU CANNOT DO THIS ALONE! I tried hundreds of times. I pride myself on my independence but finally had to ask for help. Best decision I ever made.
good luck--
jane
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Newark,DE
Posts: 404
Hi Ghost,
Great to have you! You will find a home here, we're all in the same boat.
Dont have time for details right now, but Boy did you ever strike a cord about rotating stores. I, too, found my self embarresed seeing the same face for another fifth the next day, and for a long time would rotate 3-4 stores. The games we play...!
Welcome to SR, you will find lots of help and support here.
and btw, in reguards to "you'll probably have to get used to plenty of sarcasm, dark humor, and Nihilism in general" Bring it ON! recovery doesnt have to be a dry dark hole.
Great to have you! You will find a home here, we're all in the same boat.
Dont have time for details right now, but Boy did you ever strike a cord about rotating stores. I, too, found my self embarresed seeing the same face for another fifth the next day, and for a long time would rotate 3-4 stores. The games we play...!
Welcome to SR, you will find lots of help and support here.
and btw, in reguards to "you'll probably have to get used to plenty of sarcasm, dark humor, and Nihilism in general" Bring it ON! recovery doesnt have to be a dry dark hole.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in a better place
Posts: 1,406
yep I rotated stores too. One of the owners was really friendly and I didn't want to get to know anyone. I talked about how this vodka was my husbands favorite and it was hard to find blah blah. It was the God's honest truth that it was my husbands favorite and it was hard to find, but I left out that I kept drinking it and had to replace it before he noticed. He probably felt sorry for me that my husband was a lush. I guess that's not so funny. And now I have to figure out how to replace the vodka my h brought back from Russia that I stupidly finished yesterday.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Georgia
Posts: 216
I'm with you, ghost. The 2 liquor stores that I frequent just think that I give a lot of parties. I come in for a case of wine and a couple of six packs every week (up until last week). Today is day 4, and so far, so good. My doctor wanted me to see a behavioral phych., which I just saw on Monday. He prescribed Campral for me to decrease the cravings for alcohol. It already feels like it's working, but I think that's just placebo affect, since it's supposed to take several days. I think a lot of it is that I'm finally admitting to myself that I have a problem. I have not told anyone, not even my husband. I don't want people to look at me as an alcoholic. I also don't want them to feel sorry for me if I do have a drink. I've not had any withdrawal symptoms- I think because I was lucky enough to catch it when I did, before it got too bad. My goal, and I know that I will get a lot of disagreements on this, is to be able to be a controlled drinker- to be a ble to stop at just 1 or 2 and not have to have my usual 5 or 6. Will I be able to? I don't know. My short term goal is to stay off alcohol for at least 6 months, then I'll decide what to do from there. Maybe forever, maybe not. One day at a time, right?
Ghost, what are your goals and are you still drinking or have you quit?
Ghost, what are your goals and are you still drinking or have you quit?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Minneapolis MN
Posts: 404
Hey Ghost
Welcome! I can relate to rotating the liquor stores (like I was really fooling anyone). I can also relate to your story - I was afraid to quit and afraid to keep drinking. Eventually, when I got REALLY honest with myself, I knew that I had to stop. AA has helped a ton and by the grace of God I have almost 14 months of sobriety. If I can quit, you can quit. Stick around!
JMHS
Welcome! I can relate to rotating the liquor stores (like I was really fooling anyone). I can also relate to your story - I was afraid to quit and afraid to keep drinking. Eventually, when I got REALLY honest with myself, I knew that I had to stop. AA has helped a ton and by the grace of God I have almost 14 months of sobriety. If I can quit, you can quit. Stick around!
JMHS
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Location, Location
Posts: 31
Originally Posted by REZ
Ghostintheruins:
I can't tell from your post whether you want to stop drinking or are just cynically resigned to your fate. It's never too late to try a new way of life. Posting here is a good start. I suggest you try some AA meetings. You might just find something to believe besides nihilism. I did--and it saved my life.
I can't tell from your post whether you want to stop drinking or are just cynically resigned to your fate. It's never too late to try a new way of life. Posting here is a good start. I suggest you try some AA meetings. You might just find something to believe besides nihilism. I did--and it saved my life.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Location, Location
Posts: 31
Originally Posted by Laura_P
...My goal, and I know that I will get a lot of disagreements on this, is to be able to be a controlled drinker- to be a ble to stop at just 1 or 2 and not have to have my usual 5 or 6. Will I be able to? I don't know. My short term goal is to stay off alcohol for at least 6 months, then I'll decide what to do from there. Maybe forever, maybe not. One day at a time, right?
Ghost, what are your goals and are you still drinking or have you quit?
Ghost, what are your goals and are you still drinking or have you quit?
Living and Loving.
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Saratoga, California
Posts: 475
Ghost, that's pretty typical thinking. I was at war with myself for a looooong time trying to figure out what thing I could do/change to make it so I was okay with being a "normal" drinker. Problem was no matter how much I tried I couldn't stop at just a few... one led to blackouts and really poor choices. On the rare occasion that I did stick to drinking just a few it was TORTURE for me cuz all I wanted was more more more more... it was sheer white knuckled determination that made me do it and I hated it the entire time. It, to me, was worse than not drinking at all. Finally I got to the place where I accepted the fact that alcohol owns me. Simply kicks my ass in all ways and the best way for me not to get my ass kicked and feel like a piece of pewp was to not pick up to begin with.
Hang in there... keep questioning yourself. It's okay. Just keep trying to figure it out and you will eventually.
Suga
Hang in there... keep questioning yourself. It's okay. Just keep trying to figure it out and you will eventually.
Suga
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