Letting Go - Difficult People
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Letting Go - Difficult People
These two passages from Language of Letting Go by M. Beattie hit me like a ton of bricks today. Thought these might speak to others here as well.
Difficult People
Few things can make us feel crazier than expecting something from someone who has nothing to give. Few things can frustrate us more than trying to make a person someone he or she isn't; we feel crazy when we try to pretend that person is someone he or she is not. We may have spent years negotiating with reality concerning particular people from our past and our present. We may have spent years trying to get someone to love us in a certain way, when that person cannot or will not.
(Geez - that's the story of my life!!!)
It is time to let it go. It is time to let him or her go. That doesn't mean we can't love that person anymore. It means that we will feel the immense relief that comes when we stop denying reality and begin accepting. We release that person to be who he or she actually is. We stop trying to make that person be someone he or she is not. We deal with our feelings and walk away from the destructive system.
We learn to love and care differently in a way that takes reality into account.
(Reality, what a concept!!!)
We enter into a relationship with that person on new terms - taking ourselves and our needs into account. If a person is addicted to alcohol, other drugs, misery, or other people, we let go of his or her addition; we take our hands off it. We give his or her life back. And we, in the process, are given our life and freedom in return.
We stop letting what we are not getting from that person control us. We take responsiblilty for our life. We go ahead with the process of loving and taking care of ourselves.
We decide how we want to interact with that person, taking reality and our own best interests into account. We get angry, we feel hurt, but we land in a place of forgiveness. We set him or her free, and we become set free from bondage.
This is the heart of detaching in love.
[I]Today, I will work at detaching in love from troublesome people in my life. I will strive to accept reality in my relationship. I will give myself permission to take care of myself in my relationships, with emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual freedom for both people as my goal.[I]
Letting Go
"How much do we need to let go of?" a friend asked one day.
"I'm not certain," I replied, "but maybe everything."
Letting go is a spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical process, a sometimes mysterious metaphysical process of releasing to God and the Universe that which we are clinging to so tightly.
We let go of our grasp on people, outcomes, ideas, feelings, wants, needs, desires - everything. We let go of trying to control our progress in recovery. Yes, it's important to acknowledge and accept what we want and what we want to happen. But it's equally important to follow through by letting go.
Letting go is the action part of faith. It is a behavior that gives God and the Universe permission to send us what we're meant to have.
Letting go means we acknowledge that hanging on so tightly isn't helping to solve the problem, change the person, or get the outcome we desire. It isn't helping us. In fact, we learn that hanging on often blocks us from getting what we want and need.
Who are we to say that things aren't happening exactly as they need to happen?
There is magic in letting go. Sometimes we get what we want soon after we let go. Sometimes it takes longer. Sometimes the specific outcome we desire doesn't happen. Something better does.
Letting go sets us free and connects us to our Source.
Letting go creates the optimum enviornment for the best possible outcomes and solutions.
[I]Today, I will relax. I wll let go of that which is upsetting me the most. I will trust that by letting go, I have started the wheels in motion for things to work out in the best possible way.
Difficult People
Few things can make us feel crazier than expecting something from someone who has nothing to give. Few things can frustrate us more than trying to make a person someone he or she isn't; we feel crazy when we try to pretend that person is someone he or she is not. We may have spent years negotiating with reality concerning particular people from our past and our present. We may have spent years trying to get someone to love us in a certain way, when that person cannot or will not.
(Geez - that's the story of my life!!!)
It is time to let it go. It is time to let him or her go. That doesn't mean we can't love that person anymore. It means that we will feel the immense relief that comes when we stop denying reality and begin accepting. We release that person to be who he or she actually is. We stop trying to make that person be someone he or she is not. We deal with our feelings and walk away from the destructive system.
We learn to love and care differently in a way that takes reality into account.
(Reality, what a concept!!!)
We enter into a relationship with that person on new terms - taking ourselves and our needs into account. If a person is addicted to alcohol, other drugs, misery, or other people, we let go of his or her addition; we take our hands off it. We give his or her life back. And we, in the process, are given our life and freedom in return.
We stop letting what we are not getting from that person control us. We take responsiblilty for our life. We go ahead with the process of loving and taking care of ourselves.
We decide how we want to interact with that person, taking reality and our own best interests into account. We get angry, we feel hurt, but we land in a place of forgiveness. We set him or her free, and we become set free from bondage.
This is the heart of detaching in love.
[I]Today, I will work at detaching in love from troublesome people in my life. I will strive to accept reality in my relationship. I will give myself permission to take care of myself in my relationships, with emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual freedom for both people as my goal.[I]
Letting Go
"How much do we need to let go of?" a friend asked one day.
"I'm not certain," I replied, "but maybe everything."
Letting go is a spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical process, a sometimes mysterious metaphysical process of releasing to God and the Universe that which we are clinging to so tightly.
We let go of our grasp on people, outcomes, ideas, feelings, wants, needs, desires - everything. We let go of trying to control our progress in recovery. Yes, it's important to acknowledge and accept what we want and what we want to happen. But it's equally important to follow through by letting go.
Letting go is the action part of faith. It is a behavior that gives God and the Universe permission to send us what we're meant to have.
Letting go means we acknowledge that hanging on so tightly isn't helping to solve the problem, change the person, or get the outcome we desire. It isn't helping us. In fact, we learn that hanging on often blocks us from getting what we want and need.
Who are we to say that things aren't happening exactly as they need to happen?
There is magic in letting go. Sometimes we get what we want soon after we let go. Sometimes it takes longer. Sometimes the specific outcome we desire doesn't happen. Something better does.
Letting go sets us free and connects us to our Source.
Letting go creates the optimum enviornment for the best possible outcomes and solutions.
[I]Today, I will relax. I wll let go of that which is upsetting me the most. I will trust that by letting go, I have started the wheels in motion for things to work out in the best possible way.
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Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
I love this reading, so thanks for posting it. It has taken me a very long time to really understand this idea, and some days I still fall back into controlling thoughts and behavior. I then pick up the book and read it again. From small to big issues, I have seen the magic of truly letting go.
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I love these readings too Denny! I'm not sure if I've fallen back into the controlling thing again. Perhaps I have and just don't realize it.
But I have found that I haven't truly let go of expectations quite yet. I get hurt and disappointed when outcomes aren't what I had hoped or planned for.
But, I have taken a step back, waited on it as I examine my feelings, rather the 'motive' for my feelings, and instead of 'reacting' like I have in the past, I take action if needed, or, just let it go!!
May not be perfect, but I will never be perfect. But improvement speaks volumes.
But I have found that I haven't truly let go of expectations quite yet. I get hurt and disappointed when outcomes aren't what I had hoped or planned for.
But, I have taken a step back, waited on it as I examine my feelings, rather the 'motive' for my feelings, and instead of 'reacting' like I have in the past, I take action if needed, or, just let it go!!
May not be perfect, but I will never be perfect. But improvement speaks volumes.
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
Originally Posted by ICU
But, I have taken a step back, waited on it as I examine my feelings, rather the 'motive' for my feelings, and instead of 'reacting' like I have in the past, I take action if needed, or, just let it go!!
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