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day 33 is just too much!!!!

Old 03-25-2006, 12:50 PM
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day 33 is just too much!!!!

Hello,
I hope everyone is doing ok today. This is day 33 and I am just starting to become unraveled, just ready to drink and drug. I have spoken with the sponsor, went to the meetings. I think the reality of being alone,sober, and jobless(going on lot's interviews though.) is just really sinking in. I just keep thinking, this is it?? this sucks!!! how is this way of life better? But when I really think about it, I know it is, but it just sucks and is very hard to maintain.With alcohol and drugs I can temporarily escape these feelings. On a positive note, this is the longest I have stayed sober in about 2 years. I just want to get a bottle and not call the sponsor, or NA friends, I guess I don't want anyone to talk me out of it. boy, messed up!!!!! Anyway, you guys and girls are the coolest, I would post more, but I am the neophyte at this. thanks.
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Old 03-25-2006, 01:20 PM
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Originally Posted by PG1968
I have spoken with the sponsor, went to the meetings.
Keep on doing those things. They keep you in the SOLUTION not the problem.

Here are some cliches (Truths) that I hated at first...

* You're right where you're supposed be
* This too shall pass
* Stay in the solution
* Don't isolate (call someone in recovery, go to a meeting)
* Early recovery is a roller coaster b/c all of those emotions are waking up
* I definitely have another drunk in me, but I don't have another recovery in me
* This disease is trying to kill me (you, us)

Celebrate your 33 days, PG1968. They mean something. Now just hang on 5 minutes, one hour and one day at a time and your sober days will grow and it WILL get easier.

I promise.
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Old 03-25-2006, 01:30 PM
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Hi, Congratulations on your sobriety and 33 days is great!

Dealing with the reality bit is really hard. I used alcohol for several years to get through stuff I thought I couldn't get through otherwise. I was wrong, of course, it made things worse. But, we've gotten used to numbing our feelings and we have to learn to get through real life without anything to change our feelings. It's hard, but you can do it. Be patient with yourself.
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Old 03-25-2006, 01:31 PM
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Sounds like a case of the ****-its, to me.

Ummmm, I'm alone sober and jobless, as well... and yup its better sober. There is no combination of drinking and drugs that will make any of that any better. Using made me isolate from people, and unemployable... sigh.

Im not going to dwell on the negative stuff today. Im grateful to be clean. It took alot of hard work.

Its saturday, an d im waiting for an employer to call back. He has work available for me, im anxious to get that call back.

Im sending out resumes, and writing cover letters for jobs like crazy, right now. I hope to get a jump on monday morning, so i can make some cold calls, and fax my info. Its a bit of work, and i have a hard time focusing.

I just did an inventory around fear of being unemployed, that really helped. Also 10th step is helping with my procrastination around that.

I suppose, if i look at the lonlieness, i know that i dont have to be alone. there is an AA club just down the street, where i can go drink coffee and talk w/ friendly people.

It'd be nice to have a girlfriend, though. Expecially on a lazy saturday.

Ya know, in the basic text it says social acceptability does not equel recovery. The job doesnt keep me clean, girlfriends dont, either.

I guess im at step 3 with today.
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Old 03-25-2006, 01:50 PM
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Smile

With alcohol and drugs I can temporarily escape these feelings.


Hi, I'm Sharon and I'm an Alcoholic. I drank too for years to escape or numb feelings. And now they want u to learn how to feel them sober. That is a big task, but it can be done. I didn't know how to feel for so long without having a substance in my body. If I got angry, upset, nervous, anxious, it was easy to numb those feelings. We get so use to it that we don't know how to really feel. It's like wearing a mask. We don't want people to really see our true feelings. I wore a mask for a long time. It's call make-up. : ) I remember in treatment they wanted me to not wear make-up for a day. No way i said, but i tried. At least leave off the lip stick and blush. : ) Today im still that way, i can't not go without it. Oh, well....But today, i am sober and I'm still learning how to be honest about my feelings. For you to take it one day at a time or one minute at a time to not drink or drug is a miracle. When i got home after my 28 day stay in rehab I was scared. But....I was given the tools of recovery and used the suggestions given to me. My first step was admitting i had a drinking problem, then accepting it, then believeing in Something greater than me to help me stay sober. That Something can be a sponsor, or the group as a whole or anything u wish. If u have ur desire chip in hand, put it between ur teeth as i sometimes heard and bite down on it till the urge to drink passes. Don't stay at home thinking about it, but go to a meeting. Even if its 90 meetings in 90 days. U don't have to talk if u dont want to, listen for awhile till u begin to hear the messages of hope. There have been many hopeless cases in AA that have managed to stay sober and you can too as long as u have the desire to stay sober. Don't forget to say "PLEASE" in the morning to ur HP to help u stay sober during the day and "THANK YOU" at night before bed for keeping u sober. Good Luck.

Thanks for letting me share.
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Old 03-25-2006, 04:17 PM
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I also live alone.
I can no longer work due to my health.

Today I did a meetings and 2 AA members called later.
I shared on line and talked with a neighbor.
I also talked with God several times.

I watched TV and did laundry.
I have a pot roast cooking.

What did you do?
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Old 03-25-2006, 07:09 PM
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thanks for all of the support. I was so close to going to buying the bottle, but I ended up hanging out with a friend who has been 20 years clean. The urge is still here of course, but I might not use today..

CarolD:
This is what I did today, 7:00 a.m. Played guitar for an hour and a half, did some graphic design work, 2 hours( i need to brush up in a few areas) played more guitar 1 hour. Then played drums, 40 minutes. Planted some new plants in my backyard. 1.5 hours. went online, 2 hours, went to dinner party(stayed clean) that is it for today. I had a productive day, I guess?? I just wish I was not sooooo bored with myself, but what is ever enough... ???? I probably sound like an idiot, but you asked.. ha

uughhh.... have a good night everyone.
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Old 03-25-2006, 09:51 PM
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Wow ...what creative productive people we are in recovery!!

I deep cleaned my kitchen..went to two meetings...wrote in my journal...spent time with a new friend!! and ...voluntereed to make the birthday cakes for my home group meeting!!!

I love this site..it doesnt matter WHERE you are at in your recovery here..there is a spot for everyone!!

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Old 03-25-2006, 10:08 PM
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Originally Posted by northbelle
I love this site..it doesnt matter WHERE you are at in your recovery here..there is a spot for everyone!!
Amen, Nothbelle.

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