CinDad looking for help
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Cincinnati, Ohio
Posts: 4
CinDad looking for help
I am new to this site, signed up today. I need help, I don't know where to go to help my 25 year old son addicted to alcohol and drugs. He is a very sad and depressed person when he is using. His anger is so bad and he lashes out at those I know he loves. where do I start? Can I force him into rehab? Please help me with any information. I'm located in cincinnati Ohio
Honk if you're a codie!
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: State of Codependency
Posts: 121
Welcome CinDad to SR!
I think you may have posted on the Nar-Anon forum also.
We all love someone who is addicted to alcohol and/or drugs. Force into rehab? The courts mandate people to rehabs all the time and unless someone is ready to quit they don't work BUT they do plant a seed and maybe the next time they will want to become sober/clean.
My son is the main addict in my life. What I have learned is that all the "helping" I was doing was really hurting him. I had to establish boundaries and stick to them . If he lives with you you may want to consider having him move out. There are many people here with many suggestions of what worked for them.
Their illness affects all of us and many times we become as sick as our addicts.
Please keep posting and know that you are not alone.
I think you may have posted on the Nar-Anon forum also.
We all love someone who is addicted to alcohol and/or drugs. Force into rehab? The courts mandate people to rehabs all the time and unless someone is ready to quit they don't work BUT they do plant a seed and maybe the next time they will want to become sober/clean.
My son is the main addict in my life. What I have learned is that all the "helping" I was doing was really hurting him. I had to establish boundaries and stick to them . If he lives with you you may want to consider having him move out. There are many people here with many suggestions of what worked for them.
Their illness affects all of us and many times we become as sick as our addicts.
Please keep posting and know that you are not alone.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Cincinnati, Ohio
Posts: 4
Thanks for the reply, I needed something today to help me make it. Son got drunk last night and has not returned home today. I have suggested going to AA with him and he states "I don't think I want to quit right now" don't know how to talk him into rehab
Honk if you're a codie!
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: State of Codependency
Posts: 121
You may not be able to talk him into rehab. If he doesn't want to stop you probably cannot do anything about it.
Have you gone to any Al-Anon or Nar-Anon meetings? What I have learned is that I am powerless over alcohol/drugs and over the alcoholic/addict. I really cannot do anything for them until I learn to help myself.
I was a basketcase when I first joined SR and started going to Nar-Anon meetings. The best thing I heard were the Three C's:
You did not CAUSE this
You cannot CONTROL this and
You cannot CURE this.
Come on over to the Nar-Anon forum where there are many others who have been where you are.
Have you gone to any Al-Anon or Nar-Anon meetings? What I have learned is that I am powerless over alcohol/drugs and over the alcoholic/addict. I really cannot do anything for them until I learn to help myself.
I was a basketcase when I first joined SR and started going to Nar-Anon meetings. The best thing I heard were the Three C's:
You did not CAUSE this
You cannot CONTROL this and
You cannot CURE this.
Come on over to the Nar-Anon forum where there are many others who have been where you are.
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Northern CA
Posts: 1,432
Starry Girl
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Starry Night
Posts: 251
Hi CinDad, Welcome!
You've found a great place for support. MamaGoose is very right in saying there's not much we can do to "force" our addicts to do anything. I've heard many parents say "I almost loved them into the grave" because they tried to help their kids so much (enabled).
You can help yourself, however, and in doing so you may find this gives the "right kind" of support to your son and down the road may assist in his own recovery.
Please take a peek at the Nar-Anon forum or the Friends and Family of Alcoholics Forum. There are ALOT of parents there who understand what you are going through. The addict in my life is my husband, but we all ride this rollercoaster of addiction together.
Hugs...
You've found a great place for support. MamaGoose is very right in saying there's not much we can do to "force" our addicts to do anything. I've heard many parents say "I almost loved them into the grave" because they tried to help their kids so much (enabled).
You can help yourself, however, and in doing so you may find this gives the "right kind" of support to your son and down the road may assist in his own recovery.
Please take a peek at the Nar-Anon forum or the Friends and Family of Alcoholics Forum. There are ALOT of parents there who understand what you are going through. The addict in my life is my husband, but we all ride this rollercoaster of addiction together.
Hugs...
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
Hi Cindad,
Welcome to Sober Recovery. I am the mother of 2 addict sons,
one is 27, the other is 32. I'm glad you found us.
Neither of my son's live at home. It placed me too close to the action, and kept me on the verge of crazy.
One other thing that may help you is a book by Melody Beattie called "Codependent No More" I saw alot of myself when I read that book.
And please remember you did nothing to cause this.
We go by the 3C's here.
Didn't cause it.
Can't control it.
Can't cure it.
Please kick off your shoes and get comfy.
Glad you're here.
Welcome to Sober Recovery. I am the mother of 2 addict sons,
one is 27, the other is 32. I'm glad you found us.
Neither of my son's live at home. It placed me too close to the action, and kept me on the verge of crazy.
One other thing that may help you is a book by Melody Beattie called "Codependent No More" I saw alot of myself when I read that book.
And please remember you did nothing to cause this.
We go by the 3C's here.
Didn't cause it.
Can't control it.
Can't cure it.
Please kick off your shoes and get comfy.
Glad you're here.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Welcome, CinDad, I too am the mother of an addict, and I'm glad you found us and hope you find support and sanity here.
There are many moms on the Naranon forum, and we'd welcome you to come join us and share in our journey of recovery.
Hugsm
There are many moms on the Naranon forum, and we'd welcome you to come join us and share in our journey of recovery.
Hugsm
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: delafield, WI
Posts: 86
Welcome CinDad.........It's a lousy place to be, isn't it? The addict in my life is my 19 year old son. I've been trying to 'help' him with his drug problem for 5 years. To the point of near mental breakdown. The only thing that has worked so far has been 6 months of jail for a dirty drug screen (he broke probation, thus the jail time)
I agree with all the others. You can't force help on him, but you CAN help yourself by visiting this site often. There are so many incredible people here that can give you support and advice. Many of us have been where you are right now, and some still are there. The fact that your son in 25 will give you some leeway as to the paths you can take. If he was still living at home as a minor, the problem gets even more tricky. At least at age 25, you would certainly be well within your rights to take a very firm stand with him.
It's funny actually, as soon as I started focusing on my own recovery from co-dependency, the rest sort of started to fall into place. By helping yourself, you WILL be helping him.
My prayers are with you that you find some information here that will help you. It certainly did for me.
I agree with all the others. You can't force help on him, but you CAN help yourself by visiting this site often. There are so many incredible people here that can give you support and advice. Many of us have been where you are right now, and some still are there. The fact that your son in 25 will give you some leeway as to the paths you can take. If he was still living at home as a minor, the problem gets even more tricky. At least at age 25, you would certainly be well within your rights to take a very firm stand with him.
It's funny actually, as soon as I started focusing on my own recovery from co-dependency, the rest sort of started to fall into place. By helping yourself, you WILL be helping him.
My prayers are with you that you find some information here that will help you. It certainly did for me.
Jack
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Pocono Mts. of PA
Posts: 115
"has not returned home today"???? Hi Cindad and welcome. I can empathize. I have 3 sons and they are not easy. It's amazing to me that barring extraordinary circumstances he's still living at home. Does he work? is he responsible for himself? Are you enabling him by giving him a place to live and eat and sleep off his hangovers?
The only person that can get him sober is himself. As much as we protect our kids there comes a point where they have to be responsible for their actions- good or bad.
I know 'tough love' is an overused expression but it does apply in some circumstances.
I wish you luck.'
God bless
The only person that can get him sober is himself. As much as we protect our kids there comes a point where they have to be responsible for their actions- good or bad.
I know 'tough love' is an overused expression but it does apply in some circumstances.
I wish you luck.'
God bless
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