Droopy

My stepson who is 25 years old. He tried to kill himself when he was 17 years old. He stepped in front of a semitruck and survived. He has been to counseling, but can't seem to get a handle on his depression as he refuses to take medication for it. He claims meds make him crave other drugs. His mother is an alchololic and his father is a recovering meth addict. He has lived in an addiction world all his life and tries to use this as an excuse to be an addict. His father has been sober for 5 years and his mother is still battling her demons. Late last nite my stepson's girlfriend (whose mother is my best friend) called me to and asked if she needed to call the police as my stepson had hit two antelope while driving home from his uncle's house on the highway and left the scene. He is already on probation from his DUI and is not suppose to be driving except during his work hours. I said yes I would and she said he had been drinking but only had a couple of beers and would be fine if they she called the cops. She did not believe him and said he would go to jail if she called the cops. When I woke up my husband he told me that his son had been drinking all day and took his car keys away from him, but after my husband left his brother's house his son found a spare set and proceeded to drove home even though his alcoholic uncle pleaded with him to spend the night and not drive. Yes many addictions and enablers in this family I have been with for the past 3 years. My husband lost his father to lung cancer a year ago and his mother just 2 months ago from a brain tumor. He had endured much emotional pain and has not waivered to use meth to runaway from these heart aching experiences.

I am at a breaking point with my stepson. We have helped okay (enabled) him numerous times to get back on track with his life. His pitty party that he is going to become homeless and kill himself so he is no longer a burdeon to us is waring my emotions very thin. I have already been down this road with my own daughter and she is now in recovery and doing well. My son who lives with us is quite disturbed about how I am again enabling as he watched me go down this road with his sister.

I feel we need to put him where he can truly get help 24/7. He says he wants to get sober, but can't do it on his own when he goes into withdrawal symptoms is usually when he falls back harder.

My husband and I plan to attend Alanon meetings. Are we wrong in thinking he needs to be in a facility 24/7? He has no money to pay for the rehab and neither do we. So what do individuals do when they are at this point in their lives?

Done_With_It

Hi Droopy,

I don't really have any advice for you, because I'm not sure. ;-) Out of my league. But I do know how scary the whole suicidal stuff is. I struggle with that too, It's much scarier for me in my case when I don't take my meds.
I don't really have them right now, because of insurance reasons. But if I could get them, I would so be on them.

I don't really get the part about meds making him crave drugs more.
I'm addicted to crystal meth. Meds only make the struggle easier not harder.

I hope you get the help you need. I'm sure someone will be here soon with some better advice.

Hang in there.

DWI

guyinNC

((((Droopy))))

I wish I had some advice. Maybe some of the wise people here can help. I think your right......he needs care and therapy 24/7, at least for awhile. What a hell he had to grow up in.....I hope he can beat his demons.

Droopy

I don't want to enable my stepson anymore. My daughter quit meth then replaced it with alcohol. She finally met someone who had been a meth addict and they started going to support group meetings together. This has been a great relationship for both of them. They moved to another state as he was offered a job in his field. They have now moved again to another state as they are now working on finishing their college degrees and planning to get married. They have changed each others lives and realized that they can anticipate when each others addictive behaviors are on the edge of reappearing and they support each other every day. That is the best part of that relationhsip. My daughter was raped a year ago when her boyfriend had been out of town for a required training at work. He came home and found her totally naked and curled up in the bathroom behind the toliet hysterically crying. He called me immediately asking for my advice what to do. I told him to take her to the hospital and the police will be alerted. This event in our lives has really changed us all except for my stepson. He had been in my daughter's life when she quit meth, but was drinking to get her addiction feeling satisfied. He was using meth and she was trying to convince him to stop. He mistook her caring and thought he was "in love" with her and she rejected him as she wasn't attracted to him as his father and I were dating. Supposedly that is another reason he can't stop his addictions as she rejected him. He is now with my best friend's daughter who is finishing her college degree in social work and she is in love with him as well as wanting to "fix him".

I have had these words bottled up for awhile and thought if I wrote them down I would see the light and go to the alanon meeting I keep saying I will go to. Although my husband did state to me this morning to find the schedule as he wants to quit enabling his son and move forward with our lives. He knows addictive behavior better than I and he knows what helps him stay away from the addictions. Going to alanon seems to be where he feels he can start to move himself forward and this will certainly get me motivated to go if he wants to go too.

Done_With_It

Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry about your daughter! Is she doing okay?
She made it through that without relapsing? That's so great!!!!!!!!!

Oh boy, your step-son...... He's a bit confused, hu..... Yea, your right, he needs some help. Can you take him to your regular medical doctor
to see what they say?

Droopy

We have taken him to a doctor and she told him he needs to stop drinking or it will kill him as when the liver tests indicated he is in trouble. We have taken him to counseling and he refuses to take the meds. My daughter tried the meds for awhile after the rape and they did help her, but she too claimed that it made her crave crystal meth. She now execises every day to make her body release the chemical that her body needs to stay emotionally balance and she still goes to counseling with her boyfriend and individually. I wish that we could get my stepson down that road. His father uses excerise as to battle his demons and has pressured his son to do the same. All it does is cause his son to feel guilty for not being able to quit the alcohol. I believe the inpatient care for a while is the best solution. Just not sure how we can do this financially as his son puts those feelings into perspective as he is burdeoning us with more bills due to his addictions. ???? I just need to start taking care of me and hopefully the light will shed upon the direction we need to go to help my stepson. Okay that we have tried and again he fell back when the withdrawals were overwhelming. When his grandma died in Feb he was at the house and began CPR on her and this is also another reason he need counseling as he needs to talk about it instead of drink and try to numb those feelings. Where are we to go from here to help him find a sober life with out too much financial burdeon and that he feels he has been the one that has made the success instead of us pushing him into it.

Morning Glory

Welcome Droopy.

I too have a son that is an alcoholic and he also used drugs. He also threatens suicide when he is upset and drunk. He has been sober now for close to 6 months. It makes it very hard for us emotionally to set boundaries when there is a real threat of suicide. It's not a fun process. I started out by calling the police when he threatened suicide. That cut down the suicide threats a lot. After that he only threatened when it was real and not just as manipulation. I then started adding responsibility to my son slowly. Nothing helped much though. There is not much that does help when they are active in their addiction. I finally had to send my son out homeless and let him find his way. It's a long story, lol.

If he is willing and wanting a rehab there are free places he can go. Here is a link to help you search for free treatment options in your area.

http://dasis3.samhsa.gov/

The al-anon meetings will help you a lot and give you the support you need through this. Please keep sharing. It helps so much just to get it out and share with others who understand. There are power posts and sticky posts at the top of this forum and the nar-anon forum that have good information in them. Try to read them.

Hugs,
MG

Droopy

Thanks MG your words have made me feel as if we are not alone in this struggle to help our children to face their demons as we cannot fight them for them as we seem to always want to do when they are tiny.

When he was arrested for his DUI he was required to be assessed for his drinking and the counselor indicated he didn't have a problem. Okay if you look at this individual you realize it is a problem. He told the counselor it was an isolated inicident as the roads were slippery and he had only 2 beers and this is why he was swerving . . . I didn't bail him out and neither did his father. Yes his girlfriend did! I am pretty sure she won't a second time. Mainly because he has drained her financially and emotionally. I told her last night that changes need to happen before a tradedy is in front of us. He hit antelope and they died instantly. What if he hit someone crossing the road..that is vehicular homicide and another reason to drink to bury the demons actions. I am a bit angry at him and I know that he needs someone to show him the way and if chooses to not follow through then it is NOT my responsiblity. My husband is going there now to take the truck away from him and let him now what his choices are in order for us to participate in his life. Your prayers are warmly accepted. You truly understand this situation and I know you have been listening with your heart.

Morning Glory

I'll be praying. We have lots of moms here on this forum and the nar-anon forum. They will also be along to share their experience. We'll be here to support you through the difficult decisions. I couldn't have done any of it without the support of others here. It helps a lot.

Here is a thread that helped me a lot when I first got here.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ty-2168-1.html

denny57

I hope that you will at least give this a try because it could really help. I go to a Saturday morning meeting which is geared toward parents of alcoholics (I do not have children) and you might want to see if there is something like that near you. I have talked to many parents there, and listen to their shares, and they always stress how grateful they are to share their experience, strength and hope with other parents.

I wish you the best of luck.

meli2005

Suicide seems like an easy way out to someone who is suffering pain or about to go through impending legal issues.


He has to quit this pity party. He has to feel the consequences of his actions. Only this will allow him to hit rock bottom and want to get better.

it's very painful to watch and can feel very unnatural esp to a loving parent.


I think Alanon would be great for you.

Has your son thought about checking into a rehab facility or a detox center? They could help him with the withdrawal issues.