hope8

Hi everyone! I am now 75 days clean and sober after a relapse that occurred just after my 6th month of sobriety, Today I am going to visit my estranged husband who is also a recovering addict, thing is he has still been drinking on occasion and doesn't attend meetings or have a sponsor.

We have 4 children together and they are currently in foster care and about to be reunited with him as it stands now. He was clean when they tested him back in May of last year even though I know he had used the day before the test as I did, anyway he's being seen as the good guy due to this and we seperated when I went for treatment because he decided to play lit of as if he hadn't used.

Long story made short, I have a sponsor, go to meetings and work my program, I relapsed this last time due to slacking on my meetings but am back on trck now and doing better than before so far.

He claims to me he wants my help to keep his neighbor who keeps bringing beer over away now, as I saw him drinking and nearly knocked it out of his hand then but I know it's up to him, he has to do this himself. DFS thinks he's doing absolutely wonderful, hmmm... Praying he'll get the idea

Anyway just wanted to see if anyone has any advice, I still love him though we've been apart nearly a year but I refuse to go back down the path of destruction I was on before.

Thanks for listening,
Hope

Anna

Well, Hope, I'm glad you found us and I'm happy to hear you're back on track. Staying sober is the best thing you can do for every aspect of your life. As far as what your husband wants you to do, I'd say, stay out of it. It could be emotional and a temptation and I know, if it was me, I wouldn't want to be involved. He's a big boy and can keep the neighbor away, if he wants him to stay away. It's not up to you.

Stay strong and take care of yourself.

leviathon

My two cents, you want your kids, you are serious about it because you are working at recovery. He may or may not want the kids, if he does he isn't serious about it b/c he is still using and lying about it.

I deal with the legal side of this situation. Guys like him, I can identify them easily after reading the file and I do crucify them on the stand. When people like you are caught up in his game, they get crucified by association. The director ends up with the kids and people like you and your children are the collateral damage.

The bottom line ... the kids lose, they lose both parents instead of one. To be clear, foster homes are not the worst place, nor are they the best place, though sometimes they are... its a gamble. Are you willing to take that gamble with your children? I know that they hope you don't.

While I may not always like what I do in my job, my primary concern is the best interests of the children, so should yours. If he can't get it, then someone has to make a decision, if you don't, the director will.