sadface

Wednesday, my 14 yr old son and I went to our first Alanon meeting. It was a family group. There were only four other people in this meeting. I felt they made an effort in helping us understand what Alanon is and their expierences. My son did'n't like it. I think because he was the only child. I work on Thursdays and that is the only day Alateen meetings are available. One man told a true story about a woman who dealt with her AH's abuse by using a 32 caliber in him. I thought it was too harsh. I cringed and looked at my son. My intent of taking my son to this meeting was to help my son understand how we enable and need to detach from his dad's lies. You see my son says, his dad doesn't lye to him, and states he understands his dad like nobody else. In my heart i know my husband loves him, and it is good they spend every weekend together, but I want my son to understand alcoholicism. In my heart, I dont' want my husband out of my son's life. I just don't want my son to be crushed when he realizes his dad does lie, and his priority is alcohol. Which my son denies. I want him to understand his dad has a disease. My husbnad is not abusive with my son. He is just not sober and doesn't really do much with him except see a movie at home. My sons says he spend the weekend with his dad because he wants to. Anyway, my evening part-time job ends in three weeks so I will take my son to Alateen in the meantime I hope to continue taking him to the family Alanon. Hopefully one day he will understand. Any comments am I doing this right?

FriendofBill

I took my 11 yr old son to Alanon many times...some times it was appropriate , may times it wasnt...he wastn mature enough to handle the discussion. I suggest you not take him to al anon for adults, but I highly suggest alateen, which is where my now 14 yr old is and has been for 7 years.

He wont want to go, but you must insist he go, just like you insist he go to school, brushhis teeth and take a shower. You have no idea the silent damage that alcoholism does to children. Dont ever let him tell you he is *fine* and doesnt need alateen.

No need to point out his fahters deceptions and ill behavior, more than likely he is in a high case of dad-denial, as is my son, tho its breaking a bit. Let the alateens help him, he will see the reality soon enough, and luckily, he will have an alateen support gang of people to help him.

Good luck and keep coming back!