lovesit

I'm a 17 yr old m and my dad has been an alcoholic on/off forever. I and other people have confronted him, and I'm seeing a counsler but nothing is working.

He's nice when sober but has said horrible things to me when drunk, like when I said "I'm worried about you" he said "maybe you should be" or "Imight not make it home tonight." He also said hurtful personal insults.

If I was older I would simply cut off contact but since I live with him I can't. I'm so tired of just "coping" I need a permanent solution now. Should I just completly ignore him?

Max Oblivia

Lovesit, This is one of the hardest things. I lost my kids respect when they were your age because of my drinking. One of my kids ran away. Dont do that! It helped him in some ways Im sure but it hurt him way worse.
I was contolling to him and him leaving taught me to quit that. My love for him overpowered alot of the mean things.
Im sure your dad loves you more than he loves himself. He sounds like he's hurting and confused himself. Hes probably like alot of us here. We feel trapped in alcohol and dont know how to get out.
My advise is to love him. Do not agree with his behaviour, be strong in supporting him.
Its not ok that he's an alcoholic. But he has to do it on his own. Just like you find your way thru things, that part of life never changes with age.
My kids do not like my drinking, but they love me. They are firm with me but no longer judgmental. They can melt me with a look. I do not want to dissapoint them ever.
So I would say be strong firm. Take care of yourself first. Reward your dad with love when hes not drinking. He will know that you like him better when hes not drinking.
My kids used to just go to there room when I was drinking. Even though I was not mean. They just didnt like to see their dad like that.
I want so much to make them proud and you want to make your dad proud of you, and you of him. Keep posting here. Theres tons of people who have gone thru what your going thru and their really nice.
Max

earlybird

Dont know if you have already heard of this or not, but, there are meetings all over the country called Ala-teen. They are designed especially for teens with an alcoholic parent or parents. They teach you how to cope. If your father doesnt want help, then, you should focus on YOU. You get better despite him. You deserve a grand youth. Go out and take it !!

Go to this sites home page....there you can find out about Ala-teen in your area.

Done_With_It

Hey sweetie,

I know how tough it can be living with an alcoholic. It's tough. I made it through, you will too. Wanted to let you know of the sister site to here
for teens if you want to check it out. There are some others over there with the same stuff going on.

www.soberteensonline.com

Keep posting..

wingsoflove2006

Hi Lovesit
I am the ex wife of an alcaholic and the mother of two children from that marriage, I understand all you are saying, I was with him from 1986 and it took me till 1998 to just walk out of the house with nothing with my two children.
He would never admit he had a problem and I was the one who had to make everything seem fine when anyone called, he was violent to me and my boy who has ADHD. I wish I had had the courage to leave earlier as he did damage my son amd my daughter.
But if it helps, to ignore him especially when drinking it will make him angry and to try to get him to a councelling support group will be impossible, my husband would never admit he needed one.
You would find it helpful to talk to others in your position and I am sure that you will find plenty of support in here.please keep in touch and let us know how you are doing
Wings
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