JaggedPurr

I have been separated from my A for three and a half months. Things got ugly which escalated into him throwing things in the house and then hitting me with an item. I have a protective order. My A is going to AA meetings. He keeps saying he loves me and wants to get back with me and work on our marriage, but I just found out he has been seeing another woman since the beginning of March and has told her he loved her. I am having a hard time with this. I actually thought that if he was going to AA and said he wanted us to be together he meant it. What am I suppose to believe? I wonder if I know what is true any more. Am I being played for a fool? I don't see how easy it is for him to move on with another so soon. I have no desire for another man. Any advice here? Thanks!

Morning Glory

Welcome JaggedPurr,

I'm glad you're here.

Others will be along shortly to share their experience.

Hugs,
MG

ICU

Welcome to SR JP! You've come to the right place for help and support!

Believe his actions, not his words!

He may be playing you for a fool, but your NOT a fool! Many of us have experienced our loved ones telling us they love us, and yet telling someone else the same thing! It seems to be one of many common characteristics of alcoholism.

I understand that you are upset by this other woman thing, but I'm curious - are you also upset about his throwing things and assaulting you? In my opinion, that's the critical issue; the other woman is secondary!

Also, read the stickies at the top; there's some really good informative threads there!

And of course, keep coming back here! We all understand the pain you are experiencing. You're not alone!

confusednlonely

The only thing I have to say, which I am still trying to learn myself is that Actions Speak Louder Than Words.

ASpouse

Nothing! As long as he is drinking every word or phrase that comes out of his mouth is a lie.

You really have to assume he is still drinking .... going to a few AA meetings does not make him sober. The general rule is 90 meetings in 90 days .... that will give him a good start on the road to sobriety.

Are you being played for a fool? Only you know the answer to that.

CarolD

Why would you want am
alcoholic cheating lying abusive spouse?

Pick-a-name

Good question to me..........why would I, or any of us?

Sorry you are going through this; me,too-----except AH isn't even "admitting" the drinking at all. Thanks for posting this and letting me see it in black and white.......MAYBE it will sink in better for me that way; I'm a slow learner!

Good luck to you and believe your gut (not your heart) Now, let's see if I can take my own advice!

denny57

((jagged)) I understand what you are going through. I know it's difficult, but try not to concentrate on what he is saying OR doing right now. Use this separation time to work on you. Attend Al-Anon if you like, learn as much as you can about alcoholism, attend open AA meetings, take time to do nice things for you. Of course you have no desire for another man - you're in love with your husband. Who happens to be an A.

My AH was (or is) involved with someone else too before we separated 5 months ago. I made a choice to live my life without knowing what he is doing, thinking, etc. A week or so ago there was contact that I let the attorneys handle and from it I can assume he is not in recovery. That is all that matters to me as far as our relationship (or non-relationship). Anything else that is going on, including other women, means nothing. I really mean that. At this point in his life alcohol is what he loves and needs. I represent the person who wants to take that away from him.

Keep coming back and posting. It will help you know you are not going crazy!